Kousei
by YaoiPhox
Summary: MPreg. Flamers 'n Haters be gone. KakuHida! Orochimaru gives Hidan something strange... Now he's having pains in the pelvic region! Formerly called 'KakuHida'.
1. Heading Out

Phox: Alright, I've been wanting to do one of these for a real long time now!

Hidan: One of what?

Phox: *eyes glint mischievously in his direction*

Hidan: … Phox?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi -duh

Language -duh

Orochimaru – he is apparently deserving of a warning... *pulls out Oro action figure*

OOC & OC

READ AT OWN RISK~

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

-Hinting of ZetTobi

–Let us begin...

* * *

Kakuzu sat up from the bed he shared with his partner. He always awoke before the younger and today was no exception. He ruffled the light-gray hair with a slight smile. There was a knock at the door and he froze, eyes narrowing. This was one of the temporary bases so as to avert attention from the mass of chakra the Akatsuki provided when together - especially with Kisame. He relaxed when the rapping continued—sixteen consecutive knocks signaled it was Phox.

"I'm coming." Kakuzu made his way to the door.

"Oo~ Do tell me more!" Phox laughed when the door opened.

"Not in that sense. What's up?"

She responded as she usually did, pointing at whatever was above her. She was a member of the Akatsuki but not one known by any outside of said organization. Her short hair was red and her cat-like eyes a deep gold. To add to her feline appearance she had a set of ears and a tail to match. She had said it had been a transformation jutsu gone awry. She was currently Zetsu's partner given her exceptional ability to keep a 'low-profile' and all that other good stuff required of gathering crucial information.

"I actually have a mission that requires help... if you don't mind it." Phox answered.

"What?"

"Let me rephrase; Zetsu and I are to gather some info from that snake. However we are allowed to bring along a pair to have at our disposal. Since you two are immortal... well... nearly immortal... I thought you'd be my safest bet." She explained in further detail.

"When are we leaving?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Right now." Phox answered.

"You'll have to wake Hidan then, I'm gonna grab a cup of milk and be waiting in the kitchen." Kakuzu grumbled, brushing past, grabbing his cloak and head gear as he went.

"Muaha!" Phox chuckled darkly, her expression sly as she made her way to Hidan.

She poked his cheek, nothing. She poked his nose, a wiggle. She bent down to his ear, he squirmed at the breath and hair tickling it. She took a deep breath.

–

Kakuzu trudged into the kitchen. Not at all surprised to find Zetsu waiting there. He ignored the plant resembling male on his way to the fridge. He felt the golden eyes watching him as he returned with a cup of milk. He had just sat at the table when he heard...

"I'M GONNA BITE OFF YOUR FUCKING COCK IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR TIGHT ASS UP NOW, BITCH!" Kakuzu's eye twitched at the sound of Hidan hitting the floor at Phox's outburst.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!" Came Hidan's reply.

The sound of smashing and crashing drifted into the kitchen. Kakuzu's eye twitched more, his glass of milk shaking in his barely suppressed rage. Phox flashed past in a blur, transforming mid jump. A red cat landed neatly on Zetsu's shoulders and hid within the cloak as Hidan made his entrance. His magenta eyes darted around the room wildly. Kakuzu sighed and calmly took a sip of his drink.

"Hey, fuckface!" Kakuzu choked on the sip.

"Just shut up and get dressed, we're leaving now." Kakuzu managed to instruct.

–

So, after Hidan and Kakuzu finally finished 'locking up' the squad was off. They headed in the direction of the Sound Village. It was a silent journey. Until the sun began to say good night. They stopped their race through the trees, landing on the ground for a break after Hidan's bitching started.

"Good lord, I have never heard anyone complain as much as you... aside from Deidara maybe." Phox laughed at Hidan whom was leaning against a tree.

"Shut up! I haven't had anything to fucking eat. And my ass still fucking hurts like a mother fucker thanks to Kakuzu!" Hidan snapped, jabbing a thumb at Kakuzu whom stood nearby, innocent expression plastered on his face.

"Kuku, Damn, and I didn't place a camera." Phox joked, elbowing her partner whom was trying not to get involved and stay alert with Kakuzu.

"Phox, please, **shut the fuck up.**" He sighed, recalling the time she had taken a camera from his room when Tobi was over.

"Sorry, can't help myself." She shrugged then added, "So, we camping out or just taking a break?"

"We'll just take a few hours break then return to the mission." Kakuzu took charge, much to Zetsu's annoyance.

"I'm taking a fucking nap now then." Hidan informed, cuddling up to the tree.

"What about food?" Zetsu asked then rolled his as when a snore came as the response.

"I'll go see if I can hunt down a boar or a deer... maybe deer." Phox suggested, slinking off into the bushes and quieting morphing into a wildcat.

Kakuzu exhaled then sat near Hidan, watching him sleep. Zetsu remained standing, eyes scanning the area. After a number of minutes, Phox returned. The smell of blood made Zetsu's mouth water as he watched her drag a large buck into the clearing they were stationed. Kakuzu opened the eyes he had closed for a little relaxation.

"We need to build a fire. Hidan won't eat anything raw and I'm not too taken to the idea either." he advised to which Zetsu replied, "Yeah, she doesn't like it raw either." as she shifted back to her humanoid form and began to build a pit.

In no time the pit and spit was built and Phox weaved signs for a fire jutsu. The smell of roasting meat roused the final member of the squad from his slumber. He licked his lips and inside of his mouth to rid the dry feeling. Kakuzu noticed and, with a smirk, lowered his mask while the others had their backs turned. Hidan was caught off guard by the sudden kiss from his partner. What his own tongue was doing moments before, Kakuzu's did now.

"It'll be quite a while yet before the meal is cooked." Kakuzu abruptly pulled away from Hidan, bringing his mask back up. Phox had turned around and saw Hidan's face 'kissing' the ground then continued with what she was saying, "We might as well camp out. We can leave some strips out to dry for jerky."

"Alright." Kakuzu approved, back to his former facade of utter calmness.

"What the fuck, Kuzu?" Hidan hissed between clenched teeth when Phox had returned to tending their meal.

"What do you mean, 'what the fuck'? And stop calling me that." Kakuzu retorted.

"You always fucking do this!" Hidan snapped, he had moved to sit closer to the miser so they could talk quietly.

"Do what?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"One minute you're being the best fucking boyfriend ever then in a second you brush me off like I mean fucking nothing to you, bastard." He snarled.

"So? Who said you mean anything to me to begin with?" Kakuzu shrugged.

-Freeze Frame- Phox clone appears between you and the Zombie Duo -

"Okay, so readers; Who would like to point out Kakuzu's biggest screw up in his ninety-some-odd years of life? Allow me." She pulls out a remote and rewinds Kakuzu's previous line.

"First off, you never want to say this to someone like Hidan, joking or non." She nods her head once then pulls out a marker. She begins to doodle on Hidan's face a vein popping in anger then brows furrowed to match. "Yep... so... where were we...?"

-Fast forward back to Kakuzu's screw-up- End Freeze Frame -

Hidan stands as Kakuzu goes to pull money from his many coat pockets. He is trembling as he watches the miser begin to go through the routine of counting his precious money. His fist clenches and he turns away abruptly. Nobody takes notice of his leave save Zetsu whom smirks to himself.

–

All Hidan needed was a little walk to calm himself. That is what he and even Kakuzu had convinced themselves. Hidan knew Kakuzu would come find him if he took too long to return. Unless Kakuzu came across a new bounty then it would be delayed. Although his plan was originally to walk it off, the thoughts roaming Hidan's head began to darken. He wondered if Kakuzu meant what he had said.

In all their months of being 'together' the miser had never returned the mutter of "I love you." Hidan managed to give. He always spent more time with the money than his partner. He never used said money for said partner; except maybe a very few and rare occasions. He continued his walk blindly. He hadn't even noticed he had stumbled to the outskirts of the Hidden Sound Village. Until something had attacked him from all sides, effectively restraining and blacking out the unsuspecting lost lover.

* * *

–To Be Continued...

Okay, now then. What do you think of it so far?

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Title ideas are appreciated. Until then, I'm-a-brainstorming on my own.


	2. An Injection

Phox: Yay! Chapter Two brought to you by~ -Ditkata-

Hidan: When the fuck are you going to tell me what the fuck you have planned?

Phox: *eyes glint mischievously in his direction*

Hidan: … Phox?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi -duh

Language -duh

Orochimaru – he is apparently deserving of a warning... *puts away Oro action figure*

OOC & OC

SHIT'S A-GUNNA GET FREAKY ALONG SOME POINT

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

–Let us begin...

* * *

Kakuzu stood and stretched after counting his money—twice. Phox had announced that dinner was ready for consumption. She was now handing out the hunks of meat and it was then they realized an absence.

"Kakuzu... where's Hidan?"

"Walking." Zetsu and the partner of the missing replied in rare unison.

"At this time of night?" She blinked, nibbling on her meat.

"He's an S-Ranked criminal Phox. He doesn't need any form of babying." Kakuzu snorted, using a kunai to slice a bit of meat to slip under the mask.

"Orochimaru is an S-Ranked Sannin..." Phox deadpanned.

There was the sound of choking from the other two males. Zetsu burst into laughter at the assumptions Phox's worry brought. Kakuzu worried at said assumptions.

"You can't honestly believe the idiot would just walk right into hostile territory, do you?" He tried to reassure himself.

"You answered your own question by calling him an idiot. We aren't very far at all from Orochimaru's village." Phox deadpanned once more.

"Relax, Phox. **The moron will be fine. **I'm sure he's just a little ways away, awaiting an apology from **that cold-hearted bastard there.**" Zetsu's eyes bore into Kakuzu's.

"Why in Hell -ifitevenexists- would an apology be brought to mind?" Kakuzu drawled.

It was true. Kakuzu would never apologize nor would the Jashinist ever expect one in any circumstance. They had made this silent agreement towards the very beginning of their partnership. Hidan was also too proud to even think of begging for one. Although this was his reasoning at that moment, he couldn't help but feel obligated to look for his bitch of a partner.

"It's too late tonight to go looking and as Zetsu said, he should be fine on his own til the morn." Phox closed her eyes in thought. "We shall continue with the mission in the morning then look for him only if he hasn't appeared by the end of it." She concluded, gulping down the last of her food.

"Right." The two males replied, each with a different tone of voice.

–

– Meanwhile... –

–

Hidan groaned as he started to come to. He immediately regretted this decision upon sniffing the smell that gave a greeting. It smelt of a variety of rotting carcasses and poisons. He was unable to see his surrounding for he was blindfolded and strapped to what seemed like a table. He didn't bother to break free knowing it would do him no good in the end. He sighed and started to tolerate the smell as time stretched.

"Alright, Kabuto, is the serum ready?" Hidan then froze when the hissing of a familiar snake reached his ears.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." the one, Kabuto, replied from nearby.

Hidan heard footsteps approach.

"It will have to wait. I have been informed that there will be no movement until morning." Orochimaru now sounded from Kabuto's side.

"Are we aloud to experiment on him beforehand?" Kabuto's voice held a hint of a sick eagerness.

"Perhaps, Kabuto, perhaps."

Hidan's eyes widened when he felt something wet slide it's way up his bare torso. He tensed and then heard a snicker from Orochimaru. The snake's tongue retracted.

"I've always wondered the secret to immortality and here it lies before my eyes." (He's a poet and didn't know it.)

"Hm. I'm sure she wouldn't mind us taking a few samples."

"You're right, Kabuto-chan. Leave the serum and check on Sasuke." Hidan's heart rate increased when the door closed and a deadbolt was slid shut. "Oh the fun we are to have, my immortal specimen."

–

Kakuzu shivered, he had a bad feeling but Phox was ever-stubborn with her rule that no one is to leave til the morning. She stood watch now as Zetsu and Kakuzu lay in an attempt to sleep. Zetsu was not asleep, enjoying the emotions radiating from the elder. Kakuzu turned, ensuring his back was to the ex-Grass shinobi. He closed his eyes, inviting sleep.

After what felt like hours, sleep greeted him and he fell into the land of nightmares. It felt so cold without the warm body of his partner pressing against him. His surroundings were dark, not a light in sight. (Again with the rhymes? Why can't poetry come naturally in class?) He smelled corpses rotting and various other things, however one struck the most familiarity. Blood. However it was not just anyone's blood—it was his partners. You might be wondering how he could tell. Aside from his being a seasoned shinobi of around ninety, he had many rough and sadistic nights with his lover. All of which involved blood spill in some shape or form.

He struggled to break free of whatever had him restrained. However he soon realized he could not even move his eyes let alone anything more, they seemed to have a mind of their own. Then he heard a voice.

"Now Hidan, this shouldn't hurt you too badly."

Kakuzu awoke with a start at a sharp pain in the lower regions. He blinked, an arm clutching his lower area, just above his pants. Phox stood above him, looking at him with cold eyes. He heard Zetsu stretching to his left. He slowly joined them in standing and stretched, forgetting his dream for a bit.

"We're heading out now, Kakuzu. Be sure to keep a very low profile unless instructed otherwise." Phox instructed, already heading in the direction of their destination.

"Um, Phox... Do you think we can hurry? I have a bad feeling about Hidan..." Kakuzu grumbled, his testicles were starting to feel a bit odd as well. The dream returned to his mind.

–

Hidan groaned, Orochimaru had injected something into him. The thing that had him pissed, however, was the location. That pedophile of a snake had injected that serum straight up his anus. He winced though, glad it was a needle and not the snake's lower appendage. (That's right readers, Orochimaru hasn't molested a captive for once.) He sighed. Now he was alone in the room, in excruciating pain around his butt up to his pelvic region.

Kabuto had returned after the injection was given. He informed Orochimaru of intruders nearing. After that the snake and his assistant had hurried away. No doubt fleeing the village. Although... before they had left. Orochimaru had said something quite strange.

"Once you are free you must refrain from sex for about a day. After that, you must have intercourse before the third day." Hidan had been in far too much pain to make much sense of it let alone respond.

–

The trio of Akatsuki members arrived at the alleged hideout of the former Akatsuki member. Kakuzu waited impatiently as Zetsu phased inside and opened the doors for the others. They hurried inside, all for separate reasons. They branched off soon. Zetsu headed for Orochimaru's office while Phox headed for a hallway leading to the outdoors; not that the other two knew of it. Kakuzu searched the joint for his partner's familiar chakra signal. After a little while he felt it in no way interfered, much to his confusion but relief.

He pushed open the door and a familiar smell from last night reached his nose. He soon found Hidan tied on a table in the middle of the room. He strode over then began to work on freeing his partner. Hidan's pains had decreased a bit, now feeling a bit more like a discomforting ache. He was startled to feel the binds loosen. He then felt a pair of familiar lips press against his own, a slightly rough textured hand making it's way from his cheek to his happy place.

Hidan gulped, quivering with anticipation. He felt Kakuzu's hand grab his member then his eyes widened. It hurt! He began to squirm, biting Kakuzu's lip. The man, somewhat angered at this, pulled away, tearing off the blind fold. Hidan's eyes watered from the pain, not the kind he enjoyed but the kind that came from the inside (not mental/emotional; more like an illness?). Kakuzu's brows furrowed and Hidan gave him a worried, almost terrified look.

"What the fuck? Don't tell me that was payback for yesterday's kiss!" Kakuzu growled.

"N-N-No! I-I'm s-so-sorry, Kakuzu! It just hurt! Damn that snake! He probably did something to me while I was unconscious!" Hidan panted reaching up to Kakuzu.

"... Hidan..." Kakuzu sighed and let the smaller wrap his arms around his neck.

Kakuzu pulled Hidan up and carried him over to the door. Something told him that his partner didn't have the strength to walk just yet. He managed to find the exit and at it he met Zetsu and Phox, both engaged in a quiet and intense conversation. They didn't sense the two coming until Hidan groaned in pain, biting Kakuzu's shoulder which made the latter shout.

"Hidan! What the Hell man!"

"Ugh. I don't feel so fucking good." Hidan whined, his pelvic area was starting to ache once more.

"That doesn't give you reason to bite me!" Kakuzu scowled at the man's hair since his face was buried in his neck.

"... He give you a hickey?" Phox snickered.

"No. He. Just. Bit. Me." Kakuzu seethed.

"Well, **regardless**, we best be off. **Leader will be wanting an update quite soon now. **And Sasori and Deidara are about to depart and, **thanks to this information,** capture the first Jinchuuriki." Zetsu informed, starting to walk away, Phox soon trailing behind.

Kakuzu groaned, readjusting Hidan before following after. The stupid man had fallen asleep in his arms.

* * *

–To Be Continued...

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Also: If you have figured out or think you know what is happening with Hidan... SHH! You may send me a PRIVATE message if you think you've guessed right. xD


	3. More Time

Phox: Yay! Chapter Three brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, Leo, and my good friend, Sammi-

Hidan: … Please tell me you don't have _that_ planned for me...

Phox: *eyes glint mischievously in his direction*

Hidan: … Phox?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi -duh

Language -duh

OOC & OC

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

–Let us begin...

* * *

They stopped at a cave for the meeting. Kakuzu dropped Hidan before they got to far. This resulted in a massive tantrum from Hidan.

"You fucking prick! Don't just fucking drop me! At least give me some damned warning!" He seethed on their way into the cave.

"Shut up, weakling." Kakuzu returned the Jashinist's glare.

Inside, the arriving members were surprised to find Sasori and Deidara there in the flesh. Sasori spotted Kakuzu and waved him over. Hidan, meanwhile, invited Deidara to him. Zetsu and Phox headed to the center of the cavern to wait patiently for Pein to show.

"Hey, Hidan, is it true you went to the lair of Sasori-danna's former partner, hm?" Deidara asked him in a hushed voice.

"Yeah. That bastard is fucking weird." Hidan scoffed in reply.

"He didn't try anything on you, hm?" Deidara pressed, walking with him to where Phox and Zetsu stood.

"Like what?" Hidan blinked.

"Y'know, un. Touch you? Experiment on you, hm?" Deidara glanced at his partner whom was in deep conversation with Kakuzu.

"Umm... He ejected something in my ass." Hidan frowned, "I think he took a fucking blood sample too, after testing my immortality.

"HE EJACULATED IN YOUR ASS, HM!" Deidara misheard.

This caused everyone's head to turn. Hidan slapped his face when he felt their eyes bare down on him. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed in fury. He flinched at that. He slapped a hand to Deidara's mouth then pulled him into the nearest hallway.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid blonde bitch." Hidan hissed.

"Sorry... I misunderstood, hm." Deidara sighed.

"You're damn right you misunderstood, bitch." Hidan sighed this time, running a hand through his hair.

"Oi, bimbos, get your asses over here." The two addressed scowled, marching back over to the meeting room at Kakuzu and Sasori's simultaneous call.

"Piss off, cock suckers." Hidan shot back, joining the circle between Deidara and Phox.

There was a familiar sound and soon the remaining Akatsuki members appeared as static apparitions. Itachi and Kisame appeared first, the latter sending a smirk when he spotted Hidan. Then Pein and Konan signaled the last of the Akatsuki and the discussion began.

"Alright, Zetsu, what have you learned?" Pein demanded.

"We have a name and a location. **He's Gaara of the Sand Village.**" Zetsu informed.

"Is that all?" Pein's Rinnegan flashed in Phox's direction as she stepped up.

"Sir, may we please wait a bit yet. I think it best I learn more of this Gaara then discuss a plan with our other resident artists." she suggested in a strong voice.

"Hm. How long?" He said, opening the eyes he had closed in thought.

"About a year and a half." Phox replied right as he had finished the last word.

There was a tense silence. Phox stepped back into place, her face devoid of all emotion.

"... And what makes you think I'll let you waste that much time?" The atmosphere remained tense.

"Well," Phox began, crossing her arms, "You still need time to set up and the Akatsuki fundings are still pretty low. Plus, I think that everyone should have some time to prepare. We've been relaxing for awhile now, waiting for the time to strike... almost too much relaxing if you ask me."

"... I shall consider it. For now, you have three months." Pein concluded, leaving the meeting.

"Watch yourself Phox; Leader might not go with your plan for long." Itachi spoke at last.

"What do you mean 'Akatsuki fundings are still pretty low'?" Kakuzu grumbled, "Ever since I've been put in charge of funds, the Akatsuki has had just enough."

"You won't be thinking that in a few months." Kisame laughed before phasing out with Itachi.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kakuzu scoffed, exchanging a questioning look with his partner.

"'Let the dead bury the dead.'" Phox quoted.

"They're immortal, un." Deidara blinked.

"Whatever. Come on now, my fellow artists, time to train." Phox laughed, pulling them from the room.

Zetsu followed after. This left the Immortal Duo alone. Kakuzu, upon realizing this, shot Hidan a smirk. Hidan returned it before the pair headed for a separate hallway. Kakuzu led the way to their temporary quarters, pulling Hidan by the wrist. They made their way to the single bed; Kakuzu being to cheap to buy everybody individual bed and Hidan complaining of uncomfortable cots.

"K-Kakuzu... as much as I'd love to um... well... after what happened earlier- AH!" Hidan was cut off as his partner threw him to the mattress.

"Mn. I missed out last night, Hidan. No way I'm missing another night." Kakuzu whispered, placing his lips to his partner's.

Hidan returned it at first. However he felt the ache return. As Kakuzu's hand made its way south, Hidan winced. That's when he recalled something...

–

– Flashback –

–

_ Orochimaru had said something quite strange._

"_Once you are free you must refrain from sex for about a day. After that, you must have intercourse before the third day."_

–

– End Short Flashback –

–

Hidan began to squirm more. Kakuzu frowned at his uke's protests. He heaved a sigh then sat on his knees. Hidan gave a sigh of relief as the pain diminished. His relief didn't last long at seeing Kakuzu's expectant glare.

"I fucking told you; it hurts!" Hidan pouted, turning on his side, facing away from Kakuzu.

Kakuzu scoffed at his no-longer-masochistic masochist. However he lay down behind him, wrapping an arm around his midsection.

–

– Meanwhile... –

–

Phox had left Sasori and Deidara at their temporary quarters before leaving the base with Zetsu for their own hangout. She waited for the door to his room to close before she snuck back out. There she met Itachi, Kisame, and Kabuto. She dipped her head in greeting before leading the three into the surrounding woods.

"Phox-sama, what are you going to do if Kakuzu and Hidan don't accept the gift you're forcing upon them?" Itachi stated once they had stopped a good distance away from the hideout.

"He's got a point, Phox-sama... they don't seem very... family-friendly if you catch my drift." Kisame laughed nervously.

"We'll deal with that when it crosses our paths." Phox replied calmly.

"Yes, there is still a chance that Kakuzu won't ejaculate in Hidan soon enough." Kabuto stated calmly.

The three gave him an, 'Are you an idiot?' look.

"Of course Kakuzu will. They screw each other every night." Kisame snorted.

"Hm... well, even so; the chance of the embryo surviving is slim." Kabuto gave a shrug, pushing his glasses up.

"Have you seen the potential fathers in action? They're not named the Immortal Duo for nothing." Phox responded calmly.

"Very well, we shall see." Itachi sighed.

* * *

–To Be Continued...

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Yep, so, now you all know. MPreg ahead. No Hate Comments. You are free to leave now, or you can add it to your alerts.


	4. Impregnation

Phox: Yay! Chapter Four brought to you by~ -Jade07Fun & Ditkata-

Hidan: … You are a bitch.

Phox: *glares in his direction*

Hidan: … Phox?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi -SMUT this chapter!

Language -duh

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

–Let us begin...

* * *

Phox went to where Kakuzu and Hidan were resting, knocking lightly on the door. There was a grumble from the other side and the door was soon opened by Kakuzu.

"Rough night, Kakuzu?" Phox smirked.

"I wish... what do you want now?" He grumbled.

"I was wondering if you could spare a moment away from Hidan. I found a way to earn a hefty sum for our funds." She purred... literally.

"... So long as I'm back tonight." Kakuzu sighed, retreating back inside to grab his cloak and head gear.

He followed her to where Deidara and Sasori were waiting. They exchanged a few words then Phox's clone left them with information. They soon headed out, leaving Hidan alone.

–

Hidan awoke sometime around noon and shivered. He assumed the miser had left him for paperwork. He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Oi fucker, when are we going back home?" He said to no one.

He blinked then, with a growl, crawled out of bed. He straightened his clothes before padding into the bathroom. He gave another yawn, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He groaned at seeing his hair the way it was. He grabbed his comb from his pocket then started to comb it back into place. Once it was as good as it was gonna get he left to look for any other sign of life in the large cavern.

He stopped when he reached the kitchen, not sensing any other chakra signals. He heaved yet another sigh before digging out food. After lunch he would head home. With or without Kakuzu.

–

Kakuzu returned from his mission... if you could call it that. The crazy bitch had sent him on a babysitting mission. Kakuzu didn't bother wondering who would ask a criminal organization to watch their baby. Nor did he try to figure why said child looked a lot like Phox. The child was a female, for starters. Secondly, Deidara pulled out after it pulled his hair. Sasori soon followed once it broke one of his precious puppets. Kakuzu had to restrain both of them from scarring the child both mentally and physically.

The girl and Kakuzu ended up having a staring contest before it started to cry uncontrollably. It didn't help when he pulled his mask down. The parents -thankfully- returned just as Kakuzu was about to sew its little mouth shut. He sighed, pushing the door to his house open. Zetsu had already informed him Hidan had headed home.

Kakuzu found the other man lounging on their bed, reading that bible of his almighty deity. He was so captivated by that little book he hadn't notice Kakuzu starting to strip down to his boxers. Only once the elder used a kunai to shred his pants did Hidan take notice with a yelp, letting the bible fall.

"Oi! Bastard, what the fuck? What was all that shit about wasting money? Now you'll have to pay for another shitty pair of pants. Those were my last pai-"

Kakuzu slammed his lips on Hidan's in order to stop his ranting. Hidan's eyes widened and he moaned when Kakuzu pressed their lower areas together. Hidan mewled out, leaving his mouth open for his seme to explore. Threads tickled his lips and followed the miser's tongue around the Jashinist's moist cavern. Meanwhile, both their hands started for one another's boxers. Kakuzu reached the goal first and tore them off, Hidan simply groped the tanned ass in return.

Kakuzu pulled away from Hidan's mouth for a quick breath before returning to his neck. Hidan took deep breaths, his hands making their way to the front of Kakuzu's boxers. They arrived as Kakuzu's tongue started on his collarbone. He bit down when slightly pale fingers squeezed his already hardened member. Hidan smirked just then, starting to pull at his partner's shaft. Kakuzu bit harder in order to keep his own moans from sounding.

"Q-Quit fuckin' bitin' me, shit-face." Hidan growled playfully, starting to pull his hand away.

"Ah, then... you... er..." Kakuzu panted, loosing his teeth from Hidan's skin.

Blood began to show from the mark. Hidan pulled down Kakuzu's remaining piece of clothing then trailed a hand from his leg. Kakuzu watched him play with himself, the threads still hanging from his mouth. Then Hidan moved his hand farther north to play with his nipple. Kakuzu's eyes met his and the bottom male winked, licking his lips.

"You're a bitch." Kakuzu grumbled, putting his lips to Hidan's navel now.

"Heh. I suppose I am, fuck-face." Hidan laughed; those threads tickled.

"Would you please stop talking that way about my face?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"... Hm... you know I love your stitches, fucker." Hidan smirked, "They turn me on like no one else."

Kakuzu turned a bit pink at that which earned a snicker from Hidan. Kakuzu quickly delve farther south; below the belt. Once his tongue lapped the dampened tip, a shudder made its way through Hidan's body. Kakuzu took more of him into his mouth and Hidan cried out, hand reaching for Kakuzu's stringy hair, kneading the scalp.

"K-Kuzu~" Hidan panted.

Kakuzu smirked, starting to suck. Hidan looked to the ceiling, focusing on feel rather than watching. If he had, he probably would have released sooner. Kakuzu pulled back, wiping his mouth with his forearm. Hidan frown vanished when Kakuzu returned to press their lips together. The gray-haired male's eyes widened once he tasted his own essence seeping into his mouth. Kakuzu pulled back with a smirk, flipping Hidan over to rest on hands and knees.

"Swallow it, Hidan." He breathed, pressing his tip to his waiting hole, "Then I'll fuck you til we both drop."

Hidan scowled but obeyed then stuck his tongue out to show Kakuzu. The elder smirked at the childish antics before slowly penetrating his partner. Hidan groaned out, relishing the pain. He ground his teeth, wrinkling the sheets. Kakuzu paused for only a moment upon burying himself within completely before he began to retreat.

"F-Fuck!" Hidan cried just as Kakuzu rammed back in.

Kakuzu continued, using one hand for support whilst the other made its way up his side. Hidan soon became vocal when Kakuzu's rough hand arrived at his hot member. He pumped Hidan with his thrusts at a rough and somewhat rapid pace. When the rhythm got shaky, Hidan found Kakuzu's arms around his waist; Hidan already having climaxed.

"K-Kuzu-chan, I... l-love you!" Hidan moaned as Kakuzu finally released within.

"Mn... yeah... ready for another round in the shower?" Kakuzu smirked.

"P-pervert!"

–

"Phox... who was that strange man with the threads?" A man with light blue hair asked, cradling a young girl in his arms.

"Relax... he didn't succeed in stitching her annoying mouth shut." Phox shrugged.

"Tch. Well, let me know when you're out of my Cat, demon." He grumbled, stepping through a portal.

Phox only stuck her tongue out, turning to face Itachi.

"... After having Kakuzu babysit your host's baby... are you so sure your plan should continue?"

"Of course! It'll be different when it's his own." Phox shrugged.

"... We should make a bet."

"Deal."

* * *

–To Be Continued...

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Phox, the man, the baby are all from another world and are minor characters. There is no need to think too hard about them. Just showing that Phox had the babysitting planned. Oh, and, yes- Kakuzu got paid a LOT of money for endangering the baby. … That's only because Phox is evil and hates the child's parents... and... children for that matter... -.-'


	5. New Mission

Phox: Yay! Chapter Five brought to you by~ -Ditkata & FanGirlMania -

Hidan: … Yay...?

Phox: *glares in his direction*

Hidan: What?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

–Let us begin...

Hidan woke up to find Kakuzu asleep and the strong tan arm embracing him around the waist. He smiled and nuzzled further into his chest, still damp from last night's shower. But the man still smelled of sex. Hidan smirked, nibbling on a stitch. It wasn't very often he got the chance to really admire Kakuzu. His eyes looked up to glance at the other male's face.

It was peaceful. Hidan continued to look with a smile of his own. Then Kakuzu's lips started to move. Hidan tensed but it looked as if Kakuzu was still asleep. He leaned in, cautious not to wake him.

"...Hidan..." Hidan inched closer. "...Love..."

Hidan's grin widened when he started to snore. His grin was erased when Kakuzu suddenly rolled over, crushing him. He let out a muffled yelp and started to squirm. Kakuzu slept on, oblivious to his partner's discomfort. In fact, the squirming sensation began to make its way into his dreams. Hidan blushed when he felt something prod him. This would be an interesting way to start the day indeed...

–

Zetsu sighed, he really didn't feel like accompanying Deidara on a mission. The blonde was directly behind him, chatting it up with Phox. Sasori chose to trail behind them all. They still had to pick up the 'Zombie Duo' for the mission and Zetsu already wanted to eat Deidara. They arrived at the cave only to find it was eerily quiet. Usually cursing or screaming could be heard at the time.

Phox took the lead to the bedroom and the others decided to follow. She knocked and they waited. And waited... and waited... Phox frowned then opened the door. She gave a snicker when she saw Hidan still struggling to get out from under his partner. He had made it half way, clawing at the floor. She squatted down in front of him, startling him.

"Need some help, Hidan?" She smirked.

"No, I don't need your fucking help!" He replied without sarcasm.

"... Suite yourself..." She stood then, without warning, pounced on Kakuzu's back.

In a flash the elder was up and the other five Akatsuki were safely in the kitchen. Hidan crashed to the floor with a groan. Kakuzu looked down at him, confused as to why his he was rubbing his lower area.

"What's wrong with you?" Kakuzu asked dumbly.

"What the fuck do you mean 'what's wrong'? YOU were fucking CRUSHING me!" Hidan seethed, still holding himself on the floor.

"... Oh. What were you doing still under me?" he replied with a scoff, going to put on some clothes.

Hidan pouted in anger before using the bed to stand. His legs felt weaker. He made a mental note to put Kakuzu on a diet before going to join him in the bathroom. Kakuzu glared when he entered but said nothing, pulling on his shirt. Hidan looked around for a pair of boxers and put them on as well. Kakuzu headed out of the bathroom without a word and grabbed his head gear.

"You don't need to cover your face, fucker." Hidan sighed, pulling on some pants only to realize they were Kakuzu's. "And need to start sewing names in our shit."

Kakuzu watched Hidan rip them off then go look for a salvageable pair of his pants. After all, Kakuzu ruined his last decent pair last night. He found a pair with one or two holes then held it out to the stitched male. The latter rolled his eyes and started to sew up the holes. Meanwhile, Hidan decided to greet their guests. They weren't surprised when he appeared before them only wearing boxers and his necklace.

"Alright, now what the fuck s'up?"

"Another mission." Phox answered.

"All six of us?" Hidan scoffed, grabbing something from the fridge.

"Apparently, Hidan-chan, hm." Deidara replied.

"It's another stealth mission." Phox added.

"You expect a stealth mission with Deidara _and _Hidan?" Kakuzu arrived, throwing Hidan his stitched up pants.

"What the fuck do you mean 'and Hidan'?" Hidan shouted, throwing his apple core at Kakuzu.

"Precisely that reason. You're a hotheaded moron whose manic laughing would alert anyone." Kakuzu scowled, throwing the core in a trash can.

"**I like hotheaded concubines.** He should be just fine. **And Deidara.**" Zetsu laughed evilly.

"For the record, I never agreed to this." Sasori sighed.

"'Concubines?'" The immortals asked together.

"That's how it's a stealth mission. Hidan and Deidara... and Sasori will be our concubines." Phox barely restrained her laugh.

"... Repeat?" Hidan hiccuped.

"We'll be using a harem jutsu and Kakuzu will sell you three to our target." Phox explained, ignoring Hidan.

"Do I get to keep the money?" Kakuzu asked.

"Of course."

"Wait... you're actually a girl. Why aren't you gonna be a fucking concubine?" Hidan growled.

"She's only here to perform the jutsu and spy as an animal." Sasori drawled.

"That's fucking bullshit!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Too bad, now let's pick out your guy's uniform. My friend made some for just the occasion." Phox smirked, pulling Hidan and Sasori from the room while Deidara followed after.

"Wait... what are you here for Zetsu?" Kakuzu asked after Hidan's protests were abruptly cut off after a crash.

"Backup... **And blackmail.**" He grinned a bit manically.

"Ah... Who's the target?" Kakuzu asked, rooting around the fridge for brunch.

"Someone you're familiar with." was Zetsu's only answer.

Kakuzu turned from the fridge with an apple in his grasp. He looked to Zetsu, expecting more. The plant, however, was occupied with staring at the ceiling. He shrugged then joined him at the table. Minutes later, the other four Akatsuki arrived. They each had a bag save Phox. This is where their outfits were and Hidan didn't look very happy. Kakuzu and Zetsu stood, Kakuzu throwing away his apple core.

"Alrighty; are we all set?" Phox asked as Kakuzu and Zetsu arrived at her side.

"Ready to go." They replied.

–To Be Continued...

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Ugh... in the car... my stomach's killing me, seriously! I'll be a bit slow for awhile. I am very tired lately, you see. I sleep for twelve hours and am still sleepy afterwards.

However, I will ask one thing of you: Can you take my new poll? It is one where you choose this story for me to update more often then others.


	6. Transform!

Phox: Yay! Chapter Six brought to you by~ -darknessangel13, Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, TenshiBabe, MidnightHyuga, & Yokon-

Hidan: Can't believe you.

Phox: I can believe you.

Hidan: What?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Fem!Hidan, Fem!Deidara, & Fem!Sasori

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan & Sasori X Deidara

–Let us begin...

* * *

By nightfall the six Akatsuki had reached the rendezvous place. It was an inn at a somewhat rundown village which is what they had expected given Kakuzu's obsession with money. At least the miser had allotted two rooms. Sadly, Phox insisted the 'girls' separate from the 'boys'. So, in one room the females (Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori) sat surrounding a red cat (Phox) while Kakuzu was left in the other room alone with Zetsu as he droned about human flesh and which age was ripest.

"Alright girls," Phox ignored the death glares from the three 'men', "once Kakuzu meets his client tomorrow afternoon, you'll act accordingly without poisoning, maiming, or blowing up said client."

Deidara rose his hand then added, "Can I blow him, un?"

"If you blow him I'll have two new puppets to add to my collection, brat." Sasori threatened.

"I was just joking, Danna." Deidara pouted, glaring at Hidan as he rolled on the floor laughing.

"Enough. Act more lady-like." Phox hissed then added, "Well... like prostitutes."

"Tch, but we don't know how, stupid bitch. In case you've forgotten, we're _guys_." Hidan panted, sitting back up.

"Hm, I guess we'll have to practice then."

They didn't have to wonder how for long. Phox had already changed into a man form.

"You've got to be fucking kidding." Hidan drawled.

"Now, is that anyway for a lady to talk?" Phox replied with a drawl of her own, "Punishment is stripping. Now."

"What?"

–

"Wake up, Kuzu~"

"Ngh, fuck off, Hidan." Kakuzu grumbled, burying his head in the pillow.

"I can't do that myself, silly." Hidan practically purred as Phox had taught him.

Kakuzu blinked, suddenly more awake. Hidan sounded different... He slowly sat up and turned to glance at his partner. His jaw dropped a bit from the sight. Hidan did not have too many changes to his hair, only it was a bit longer and lighter. Kakuzu also took note of more curves especially when his eyes reached Hidan's bust. He stood to get a closer look, peering into her -his- large pink eyes.

"... Hidan... why are your eyes pink?" was all he could manage.

"Ask the bi- I mean Phox. Apparently pink eyes would be more appealing then my magenta eyes." Hidan paused then gave a pout, looking uncertain, "Do you think I look cute?" He even bat his eyelashes for effect.

"Uh... er... y-yeah. Of course..." Kakuzu spoke while repeatedly thinking, '_Cute! You're a chick! We're _gay_... Not cute, you're hot!_'

"Oh... that's good then." Hidan smirked, twirling around to leave.

His hair whipped Kakuzu's face on the way out. He blinked then ran to the bathroom. Meanwhile Hidan hurried down to the lobby to meet the artists. He paused on the way to fiddle with his crimson kimono. Sasori saw him arrive first, sidestepping Deidara as he lashed out to slap him.

"What took you so long? Don't tell me he ravished your body." Sasori smirked having seen him arranging his clothes.

"No, he just takes forever to wake up." Hidan snapped, stomping his foot in a tantrum-throwing manor.

"Sure..." Sasori rolled his chocolate colored eyes which had also been changed accordingly.

"Why was Dei-chan going to slap you anyways?" Hidan asked, relaxing.

"He made fun of my breasts, un." Deidara pouted, joining them.

"I didn't make fun of them, brat! I gave you a compliment! They're huge!" To emphasize his point, he poked one through the blue kimono.

"At least he has some." Hidan sneered after Deidara slapped the redhead's hand away.

"I have boobs too! They're just smaller then your guys'." Sasori frowned.

"Enough with your booby envy, girls. The client is due any moment now." Zetsu rolled his eyes, in his disguise.

"Where's Kakuzu?" Phox hissed quietly from Zetsu shoulder, also in her disguise.

"How the hell should we know?" Hidan scoffed.

"You are his girlfriend, Hisako." Phox replied.

"So you gave them false names already. What are they?" Kakuzu finally arrived, dressed as always only he wore an all black cloak as opposed to the Akatsuki's.

"Hidan is Hisako, Deidara is Aoi, and Sasori is Akane." Zetsu listed.

"... Good enough."

–

By the time their target arrived, everyone was in place, sitting at a booth in the inn's dark dining area. Kakuzu sat between the artists with Hidan on his lap and waved the newcomer over. Hidan looked over his shoulder, his face leaving the comfort of his seme's neck. He hurried to hide his face once more after getting a good look at the guy. Their client was horrible with slightly chubby and whatever hair he had was graying not to mention the smell.

"You'll have to forgive her, Gomi-san, she's shy." Kakuzu rumbled, tugging Hidan's hair when Gomi looked to the other two.

"That's alright, old friend. I don't mind a shy one." He sat on the booth across from Kakuzu.

"Kakuzu-danna... you know this man, hm?" Deidara said although 'man' wasn't what ran through his head.

"Hush girl. I suppose a change would be nice, Gomi-san." Kakuzu dismissed Deidara with a wave of his hand.

"So, who are they then?" Gomi questioned, eying the blonde or more particularly his bosom.

"The blonde is Aoi and the redhead is Akane." He didn't want to mention Hidan if it could be helped.

"Your stock is poor for a change, Kazuhiro-san." Gomi looked from Hidan to Sasori with mild distaste.

"I'm afraid your usuals were taken for the night. The only outgoing slut here is Aoi here." Kakuzu replied coolly.  
"I must say though, it is odd to see you back in business. When I heard the rumors I simply had to come." Gomi sneered, placing a briefcase on the table. "How much for the trio?"

"Hm. Aoi is 67$ and Akane is 49$."

"What about the third you have failed to name?"

"Her name is Hisako and 56$ for her." He winced when Hidan's teeth dug into his skin.

"As expected you ask a hefty amount but I'll take the lot of them for the night." He pulled out the proper amount and Kakuzu removed his hand from Hidan's hair to accept it. "I'll collect them in a moment but for now I must excuse myself."

Kakuzu watched the man leave in silence then went to pocket the money once he had left. Hidan stopped him though, digging his nails into his wrist. Kakuzu growled and glared at Hidan whom had pulled away from his neck.

"Why the fuck is blondie worth more than me, bastard?" he spat.

"Because my rack is better, un."

"And he's a better lay." Sasori added, reaching across Hidan's back to grope a breast.

"Hands off, Danna, un!" _SLAP._

"Bullshit he's a better lay!" Hidan snapped, trying to wriggle his way off Kakuzu's lap.

"Hidan, calm down. He'll be back from the bathroom any minute." Kakuzu whispered, pocketing his earnings while restraining his hotheaded lover with his free arm wrapped around his waist.

"Let me go! Why didn't you tell me you worked as a fucking whore-seller?" Hidan hissed, still struggling.

"I don't see why that should matter now." Kakuzu replied, keeping Hidan at his side.

"Piss off." Hidan grumbled, "And no sex for a fucking month!"

"Don't be unreasonable, love!" Kakuzu pleaded.

"Kakuzu," Phox hissed from somewhere in Deidara's kimono, "deal with this later, your regular's back."

"Regular!" Hidan fumed but was silenced by Sasori's hand.

"Have fun tonight, Gomi." Kakuzu dipped his head as Sasori pulled Hidan away while Deidara climbed over his lap to join them.

"Don't I always, Kazuhiro-san?"

* * *

I have chapter seven finished, btw. Just need reviews. xD

-  
Aoi - Blue

Akane - Brilliant Red

Hisako - Long-Lived Child

Kazuhiro - Prosperous One

Gomi - Trash


	7. Not Good

Phox: Yay! Chapter Seven brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, & FanGirlMania-

Hidan: Your boobs are smaller than mine.

Phox: TAKE THAT BACK, BITCH!

Hidan: Fucking Make ME!

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Fem!Hidan, Fem!Deidara, & Fem!Sasori

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan & Sasori X Deidara

* * *

"Right this way, ladies. My room is just up here."

Gomi led Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori upstairs in the inn after Kakuzu retreated to his room to join Zetsu. The target's room was directly above theirs so they could keep an ear out for Phox's signal. It was best to insure the man stayed alive as long as possible however if something were to get out of hand -which they all doubted would happen- they would bring him back to base for interrogation. He was a man that worked for a rival organization that was also after pursuing the Jinchuuriki.

–

"Zetsu, do you think Hidan meant what he said?" Kakuzu questioned, downing another bottle of cheap alcohol.

It had been roughly ten minutes since he had left Gomi for the room. Zetsu was shocked to find him with a few bottles when he arrived. Although he said nothing about it, reaping what he could. He was still only on his first bottle while Kakuzu had just finished his second. Zetsu, to say the least, was worried.

"What did he say?"

"He-He told me 'No sex for a-a month.'" Kakuzu stuttered.

"Hm. That will be troublesome for you then. **Expecting a child and all that.**" Zetsu muttered thoughtlessly.

"Child?"

"Wha! Ah, he didn't say child, no! He said you were expecting a um... uh... **a guest, Kakuzu. It's not polite to greet a guest when your temperamental from lack of sex. **If that's true then may I ask what the hell Phox was thinking? **I'm sure they'll be able to- well... **Nah. Best not to risk things."

"See this, Zetsu? This... That is why you don't have no babes." Kakuzu poked Zetsu then continued, "What if I were to sell Hidan for 5$?"

"If that were the case, **you wouldn't get to fuck him for a year. **Maybe longer." Zetsu sighed, rolling his eyes. This was going to be a long night...

–

As soon as the trio entered the room, Sasori and Hidan clung to an arm of their target each. This was to distract Deidara so he could find a place to hide Phox.

"Hey Mister, where's your bed?" Hidan gave his arm a slight squeeze.

"I have it in another room." He laughed then directed all attention to him, "You don't seem as shy as before."

"Oh, that's because I've gotten used to your appearance. It was so breathtaking before." He immediately swallowed the bile that started to rise.

"Ah, I get that a lot, dear. Now, how about you join me on that arm chair while your little friends take the couch?" He gave a crooked smile, pulling Hidan to the chair.

Hidan followed and resisted the urge to plunge a pike through his heart when he was pulled into the man's lap. He motioned for Sasori and Deidara whom finished hiding the cat. Once they were seated on the couch, the man gave them directions. It was a good thing Deidara and Sasori were used to most of what was instructed.

"You sure are perverted, Mister." Hidan giggled, turning away from the make-out session on the couch.

"Oh? You haven't seen nothing yet, Hisako. I'm just getting started and it looks like they are too." Gomi laughed, groping Hidan.

"Ah! I h-hope you don't mind my asking, but... do you rent from Kakuzu often?" Hidan asked, struggling to put a lid on his temper.

"I used to purchase some time about thirty-five years ago. After some time though he vanished and we, meaning those in the business, haven't heard of him since."

"Oh, Danna!" Deidara moaned, bringing attention back to the couch.

"Danna?" Gomi questioned.

"Er, Kakuzu taught Aoi to call Akane that. He said you liked yuri..." Hidan explained. A lie, of course, since Kakuzu had said nothing about his former job.

"That is true. He is quite amazing. I wonder if he would be interested in joining my organization..." Gomi trailed, letting his hand slip inside the crimson kimono.

"O-Organization?" Hidan gasped, '_Mother fucking pervert! Sick, twisted fuck!_'

"Yes... how about I tell you were it's quieter?" Gomi breathed in his ear, standing up.

He started to pull Hidan away from the occupied artists and into a nearby room. Phox saw this and growled, releasing the jutsu on Sasori to reserve chakra and hopefully punish the fools later. They were supposed to ensure Hidan would stay in line of sight at all times! It would be bad if Hidan were to snap. She whipped around in mid-transformation and left to fetch Kakuzu and Zetsu for back-up.

–

"Oi, Zetsu. Sh~ Did ya hear that? Sh!" Kakuzu hushed a quiet Zetsu.

"Kakuzu, **you need help...**" The plant scoffed, rolling his eyes.

He listened anyways and looked to the ceiling where Kakuzu had indicated to. There was a yelp followed by a thump. Zetsu's eyes widened and he stood up, scurrying to the door just as Phox barged in.

"Zetsu, quick Hidan left line of sight. The artists are fucking on the couch and we need you to... Why is Kakuzu drunk?" She deadpanned as Kakuzu started pulling her cat tail.  
"Why do you have a tail?"

"You've got to be kidding me..." She growled, "Trust a woman to have to do everything in this organization."

She yanked her tail from Kakuzu then placed a swift kick to the gut. He collapsed, coughing then sat up on his knees, still holding his stomach. Phox pulled out a vile and tilted Kakuzu's head back. A moment later Kakuzu blinked then rubbed his eyes.

"What the fuck happened?" He grumbled.

"No time to explain, Hidan's alone with that pervert!" Phox snapped, pulling him up and dragging him from the room.

They hurried upstairs to their target's now-vacant room. Kakuzu glanced to Phox to ask where they were but before he could open his mouth she pointed to a door to the side. He broke away from her grip and kicked open the door. After that he only remembered red.

–

"Damnit, Kakuzu... you murdered him." Phox pouted having only seen the head roll to a stop at her feet.

"Murdered? **More like butchered.**" Zetsu gaped, stepping into the bloody room.

Kakuzu ignored them, kneeling on the bed next to Hidan. As they got closer they noticed the immortal was not only unconscious but nude.

"This... is not good." Phox gulped.

* * *

... This is VERY GOOD! No?

Review soon but I warn you I haven't finished the next chapter. Only started it while currently working on KakuHida; The Rare Fluff.


	8. Don't Freak

Phox: Yay! Chapter Eight brought to you by~ -Ditkata & katizo terusei-

Hidan: Finally out of that chick bod!

Phox: For now, Hidan, for now.

Hidan: … You're a dead man.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan & Kisame X Itachi (hinting for now...)

"Mn... Kuzu?"

"I'm right here, Hidan." Hidan sighed when he felt something stroke his hair.

Kakuzu pulled back when Hidan's eyes snapped open. He bolted up and looked around the room. He looked on edge until Kakuzu pulled him back down into his embrace.

"What happened to that bastard?" Hidan mumbled.

"It's okay, I killed him." Kakuzu replied, nuzzling his gray locks.

"What? 'Okay!'? Kakuzu! We weren't supposed to kill him!" Hidan hissed.

"I know but I couldn't help it! He was going to rape you..." Kakuzu snarled at the memory, pulling Hidan closer to him.

"... That would explain why I don't remember anything..." Hidan murmured thoughtfully, struggling to loosen Kakuzu's hold.

"Hidan, stop acting like it doesn't matter!" Kakuzu snapped, holding Hidan in place at arms length now. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"You were worried about me, fuckface?" Hidan blinked in disbelief.

"You've been out of it for two weeks." Kakuzu cried, crushing Hidan once more.

"Two fucking weeks? That mother fucking little fuck!" Now Hidan was pissed.

"Phox said we should be perfectly fine though. You don't seem to have any lasting damage and she's managed to give you plenty of nutrition." the elder comforted, stroking his uke's hair once more.

"What about Sasori and Deidara?"

"Those two left you so they could have some fun..." Kakuzu frowned.

"Tch. Knew it."

"Did you know they're also in the medical wing?"

"You didn't!" Hidan's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"They got what they deserved..." Kakuzu trailed innocently.

"You're a jackass... why am I still a bitch?" Hidan finally got a good look at his body since Kakuzu had released him.

"Phox recommended it." He answered, then smirked as he reached to stroke Hidan's sides. "I wonder what it would be like... to try you like this?"

"You're a fucking pervert!" Hidan flushed yet made no move to stop the caresses, "And we're both gay..."

"Didn't stop Sasori and Deidara..." Kakuzu smirked, bringing their lips together.

No need to mention that Sasori was actually bisexual...

–

"Where are Kakuzu and Hidan?"

It was the middle of the afternoon after Hidan had regained consciousness. Phox had gathered Kabuto, Itachi, and his partner in a clearing near Kisame and Itachi's place. They had to discuss the recent events.

"Still in bed I think." She replied, still looking to the clouds.

"Is Hidan alright?" Kisame murmured, exchanging a quick glance with Itachi.

"He should be... I won't be able to tell until he's back in male form. Then I'll take him to Kabuto whom will bring him to Orochimaru. Now _that_ will be the hard part." She replied, taking her eyes from the sky.

"May we ask why you transformed Hidan if he's already been given the potion?" Kabuto inquired.

"It's a backup plan. We already know a male can become pregnant when under influence of my transformation jutsu." She kept her eyes trained on Itachi and Kisame as she explained.

"Hm. I see, that is wise although... what if that man had managed to take advantage of 'Hisako'?" Kisame frowned for a change.

"... I'm sure you know what the outcome would be." Phox sighed, bringing her eyes back to the sky.

–

Two additional weeks later and the Akatsuki were gathered together at Phox and Zetsu's lair. This excluded Pein and Konan though since Phox had called the meeting. Although it was more of a training party instead. Their lair was one of the largest and most homely save the leader's lair.

"Alright, gather 'round. Hidan, Deidara, could you save the killing attempts for training?" Phox boomed, silencing the explosions.

"Tch, who died and put you in charge, bitch?" Hidan snapped, sitting on a loveseat with his partner while Deidara joined his on another.

"I'm not a bitch, I'm a pussy." This earned a laugh from the two rowdy members. "Now that I've got your attention... Itachi... why did I call this meeting again?" Phox laughed nervously.

"Well it's certainly not to discuss our very own immortal lovers." Itachi answered in a monotone.

"Wow... the almighty emotionless Uchiha is capable of sarcasm. Fascinating." Phox drawled with a smirk. Itachi replied, "I try."

"Wait. This meeting's about us?" Kakuzu rumbled, glancing down at his partner.

"Apparently... or at least according to Uchiha." Phox grinned, punching the weasel's shoulder then running to the far end of the cavern, "Really though, just ignore him. The truth is we need to start training. Let's go over the schedule then, shall we?"

–

Hidan grumbled under his breath, following Phox to one of the training rooms. She scheduled him first for one-on-one with herself while Kakuzu was overseeing the artists' training and Zetsu overlooked Kisame and Itachi. He stepped in the middle of the room while she paced around him. Both were on edge, Hidan more-so.

"Well now, Hidan. I have a few questions and requests to ask of you. Think you'll be able to concentrate on the fight at the same time?" She taunted.

"Bring it on!" He laughed, going to withdraw his pike.

"Wait, I am advising against weapons." Phox's eyes narrowed, "You rely too much on them. Your taijutsu is worse than Deidara's."

"You're pissing me off..." Hidan grumbled, reluctantly throwing away his weapons.

"First question; Since that one night before the concubine incident, have you been feeling tired more often?" She lashed out.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Hidan managed, catching her fist.

"Just answer it, dumb-fuck!" She snarled, sending another punch while raising a leg.

"Tch, so temperamental." He caught her fist, "I guess I have been but Kakuzu's been fucking me almost every-" He was caught off guard by the kick and blocked with a knee.

"Next question," She sprang away and he caught himself as he stumbled, "Any odd cravings?"

"Cravings?" Hidan rose a brow then lunged.

"Odd foods?" She sidestepped, watching in amusement when he scrambled to his feet, "No, I haven't."

"I see. Interesting. Now for a request." She straightened herself and gave him a curious once-over.

"Shit. I thought fighting hand-to-hand was your request." He scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Ah but alas, my pea-brained pawn, that is only a part." She looked to the ceiling, "You are to refrain from seriously maiming yourself." She gave him a hard stare, "You are not aloud to have your heart stop in any way, shape, or form for any amount of time."

"But that would be blasphemous!" Hidan cried.

"Blasphemous, yet a direct order if you wish to keep your freedom." She growled, "You will stay with Kakuzu until further notice. Until I call for you... I recommend this." She held out a slip of paper.

'_Kakuzu is a cheapskate and it is advised to buy pregnancy tests in bulk to save money._' It read, '_P.S. I also advise you destroy this note and try not to freak out._'

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

_'So much for not freaking out...'_


	9. Are You Positive?

Phox: Yay! Chapter Nine brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, katizo terusei, HaloGebieter, & FanGirlMania-

Hidan: … I am not weakest in taijutsu...

Phox: It's called a taunt, B-A-K-A.

Hidan: SONNAHVAHBITCH!

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Kakuzu jolted; he knew that voice anywhere, any volume. He turned away from the sparring artists as Zetsu appeared from the opposite room. They exchanged a questioning glance before heading for the third training room. Zetsu, thinking it safer, knocked on the door.

"What?" Phox was the one to answer.

"Is something wrong with Hidan?" Kakuzu replied.

"Uh... no... OW! Bastard!" They heard a grunt then a slam, more sounds of a scuffle then Hidan's voice.

"Something wrong with ME!" He screeched, "More like something fucking wrong with her! She told me I have to buy some fucking -mph!"

"Clothes!" Phox finished, she sounded out of breath.

"... Phox...?"

"We're perfectly fine! Go ahead and return to training. We'll be back soon." She shouted.

"Where are you going?" Zetsu questioned while Kakuzu frowned.

They received no reply.

–

A sudden poof in an alley way revealed two Akatsuki members. A redheaded female restraining a gray-haired male. Phox had immediately teleported them away from the base lest Kakuzu interfere too early. That and she needed to insure Hidan bought the right thing.

"Hidan, I do believe the note informed you not to freak..." Phox grumbled, cautiously removing her hand from his mouth.

"... I'm afraid I really don't fucking understand you right now..." Hidan seethed, dangerously calm.

"You will later... I hope." She laughed nervously, leading him into the market.

Hidan followed behind, quite reluctantly, yet he was dying to find out what Phox was playing at. They arrived at a queer little store and headed towards the back. There they found numerous things; i.e. condoms, lubricant, etc. Phox snatched a box and showed it to Hidan. He merely gave her a look that read, 'You-must-be-joking.'

"I'll save you the humiliation and purchase it with you at least." She sneered, linking their elbows in order to drag him to the register.

"That will be 12.54$. And congratulations." the cashier flashed a smile.

"He's going to kill me. This is a waste of money, Phox." Hidan hissed as she handed over the cash.

"Can we have a paper bag?" She asked, ignoring the immortal.

–

It wasn't long before Phox returned to base without Hidan. He had been sent home with the bag while she was to fetch Kakuzu and send everyone home. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed when she returned alone. Zetsu had already sent the artists home seeing as Kakuzu was too focused on Hidan's whereabouts.

"Hidan's at home; you're free to go." She mumbled, brushing past him to speak with Kisame and Itachi.

He said nothing, already headed for the exit. He arrived back at his base to find Hidan locked in the bathroom. He scowled, assuming he was wasting hot water again. In reality, he was freaking out. He had gone through five tests now and each said the same.

Positive, Positive, Positive, Positive, Positive.

Just the thought made him queasy and he slid to the floor, back against the door. He took deep breaths and tried to think of anything but the box lying inches away. There was no way this was happening. If it was, he had a pretty good idea who to blame. He yelped when a knock was heard at the bathroom door.

"Hidan, I need to take a shower. Open up."

"Shi- In a minute, Kuzu..." Hidan mumbled, snatching the box and discarded tests and throwing them in the brown paper bag. He couldn't tell Kakuzu- there had to be some mistake...

He nearly dropped the bag when the lock clicked open. Kakuzu sure was impatient. The miser eyed the bag suspiciously but his lover was gone before he could ask. He gave a shrug, closing the door. Whatever was going on with Hidan, it couldn't be too serious... hopefully.

Hidan threw the bag away, making sure it was at the bottom, under enough trash to hide it from view. He took a calming breath, hoping he appeared composed before heading for the bedroom. He peeled back the covers and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Moments later, Kakuzu joined him, smoothing his hair back into place before placing his lips to the pale forehead. He would be sure to confront Hidan soon about wasting water then rejecting sex in the morning.

–

Kakuzu awoke with a start when he noticed something missing from his arms. He sat up and looked around the room for his partner. He stood a minute later when he heard an awful retching coming from their bathroom. He opened the door with caution and found what he was missing hunched over the toilet, gagging with teary eyes. Hidan was not crying but the vomit was a rather vile taste.

"Are you okay, Hidan?" Kakuzu crouched at his lover's side, pulling the grey locks aside.

"What the fuck do you think?" Hidan snapped, pulling back and then proceeding to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

He growled, flushing the toilet before Kakuzu looked in the bowl. He had never heard of his immortal throwing up. Getting sick, yes, but throwing up, never. Hidan washed his hands then face before reaching up for his hair gel. There was no doubting his condition now. He sniffled, slicking his hair back. Kakuzu watched in wonder as Hidan continued as though he was perfectly fine.

"What's wrong?" He trapped Hidan in his arms before he could get away.

"Nothing that concerns you, fucker." Hidan spat then thought, "_...yet..._"

"If you insist..." Kakuzu growled, releasing Hidan.

He brushed past the silently worrying male to return to his paper work and money. Meanwhile, Hidan left the room and snatched his cloak by their lair's entrance. He pulled it on, scowling. It was time he confronted who he suspected to be the cause. He also had to dispose of the evidence before Kakuzu grew suspicious...

* * *

Hm... wonder what the hell's gonna happen next...

Aaron: The world is going to end. That's what.

… Okay... Does that mean I won't have to update?

Aaron:... depends on the reviews. Depends on reviews...

Hmph. *returns to writing a new AU* Would anyone care to take my latest poll if you got the time?


	10. Get It Out!

Phox: Yay! Chapter TEN brought to you by~ -Ditkata-

Hidan: Hahaha! YOU'RE DEAD!

Phox: And you're pregnant.

Hidan: *slice*

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG (more than one)

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Madara X Zetsu X Tobi (hinting), and Kisame X Itachi

* * *

Zetsu was watching Tobi run around his and Phox's cave, amused with the childish act. He was brought out of his watch when a new chakra signal came from outside. He jumped when he noticed it was Hidan's. Phox had warned him that Madara could not find out about her plans so he stood and stopped Tobi.

"Be a good boy and wait in my room, **okay Tobi?**"

"Okay Zetsu-san!" he jumped up and ran to the man's room, anxious for a surprise.

"Come in, Hidan. **Although Phox is away at the moment.**" Zetsu turned to face the immortal.

"Where the fuck is she?" Hidan hollered.

"She'll be here tomorrow. **So how many tests did you take before you decided to drop by?**" Zetsu sneered when Hidan flushed and sputtered.

"J-Just tell me where I can fucking find the stupid bitch." Hidan snapped.

"Kisame and Itachi's place. **A day's travel.**" Zetsu shrugged, turning away to head for his room before Tobi got curious or Madara suspicious.

–

"So you gave him the tests?" Itachi asked, rejoining Phox and his partner in their base's living room.

"Yeah, he kind of... freaked." Phox shrugged.

"So did I..." Kisame mumbled, looking to the door Itachi had just come through.

"You thought you were freaking?" Itachi drawled, rolling his eyes, "Try being the one giving birth."

"Especially when still in a male body... if all goes according to plan." Phox added.

"Still think Sasori and Deidara would've been a better test than Kakuzu and Hidan." Kisame mumbled.

"Ah, but they aren't immortal which means, should the latest method of MPreg were to have severe consequences, Kakuzu and Hidan would go unharmed." Phox explained.

They all nearly jumped from their skins when a familiar scythe came flying past. The trio had been so occupied with their discussion, Hidan had gone unnoticed. Itachi and Kisame retreated for the nearest room, leaving Phox to face the hormonally unbalanced and temperamental immortal. She held up her hands as he advanced.

"Not only did you get me _pregnant, _you were only _using_ me." He seethed, pressing his scythe to her neck.

"Didn't really think you would mind it too much." She shrugged. The blades drew blood. "What will you accomplish by killing me, really?"

"Get it out." He hissed, too close for Phox's comfort.

"I will not allow you to abort it." Phox scoffed.

"Why the **fuck** not?" Hidan cried, letting his scythe clatter to the floor. He felt exhausted and nauseated.

"Don't you think Kakuzu gets a say? It is his kid too, after all." Phox answered calmly, secretly inching the scythe out of his reach.

"That's just a fucking waste of time. Hell, he'll probably just rip the bastard out." Hidan scoffed.

"If that is the case, you will be quarantined and he will be sent away." Phox replied curtly.

"Tch, like you could pull it off." a knee-jerk reaction to threats.

"Well, seeing as I was able to pull off two male pregnancies without a hitch... I would say I could pull just about anything off." Phox sneered.

"Two?" Hidan jumped back in shock.

"... Well, technically it was just a man I placed the harem jutsu on." She shrugged.

"I'm still getting rid of it." Hidan snapped back.

"... Suite yourself." She turned to Kisame whom had reappeared a moment before. "Take care of him, Kisame. I will fetch Kakuzu."

"Wait! No." Hidan protested, his heart beating in fear, "I-I won't harm it then. J-Just don't tell Kakuzu..." Hidan whimpered.

"Alright then. Kisame will escort you back home in the morning. It is too late for a pregnant man to be out." She gave a nod before padding out of the base for her own.

Hidan watched her go then fell to his knees. He was tired, he was hungry, and he was furious. Kisame glanced down then pulled him back to his feet with a heavy sigh. Hidan wordlessly let himself be pulled away to the kitchen. It appeared Hidan was a bit... shocked. He searched through the fridge then paused before looking to his fellow Akatsuki member.

"Um... you don't have any cravings yet, right?" He asked nervously.

He sighed in relief when Hidan shook his head. He grabbed some eggs and a frying pan. Hidan continued to watch, his thoughts were jumbled. He wondered about how it had become possible for him to get pregnant. He recalled that night at Orochimaru's hideout, his odd words, and the night Kakuzu had taken him. His eyes widened; maybe it was then? But then, his thoughts took a turn for the worse. He had been a woman when he was raped.

Kisame whipped around when he heard something hit the table. Hidan had fainted. He made his way over, turning off the stove before he felt the immortal's forehead. He frowned and picked him up bridal style. He would have to inform Phox of this in the morning.

–

Kakuzu scowled at his desk, the paperwork finished. He stretched and turned to the bed, expecting to see Hidan in it. He cocked his head and he then headed out of there room, hoping his partner had fallen asleep elsewhere or that he was cooking in the kitchen. The last thought made his stomach rumble and he recalled he had not eaten yet. This brought a frown to his face and he was even more eager to find Hidan. His search turned up blank though and Kakuzu growled, returning to the bedroom.

Perhaps he had gone for a walk. He hoped this was the case as he drifted into an uneasy slumber. The snake sneaking its way to his bed went unnoticed. It unhinged its jaws then buried its fangs into his leg. Kakuzu twitched but did not awake and the serpent vanished with a puff of smoke.

–

I sat up, giving a mighty yawn as I stretched. My gaze traveled to my side and smiled when I noticed silver hair. I gently shook my lover and waited for her to wake up. She grumbled but eventually sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Good morning, Kuzu." She smiled, softly stroking my stitched cheek.

"Morning, Hisako." I laid my hand on hers and we left the bed.

"Daddy! Aoi cut my arm off again!" I looked down at my daughter and chuckled, scooping her into my arms.

"I'll go get Akane's arm." Hisako kissed my cheek then left the room.

After awhile I followed. I reached the living room but froze in my tracks. I saw Hidan standing there, waving me over. I looked to my arms, surprised to find the girl had vanished.

"Hey fucker, wake up." Hidan's voice sounded distant as I approached his side, wrapping my arms around him. "I'll be sad when everyone's gone. We'll be all alone. Just the two of us." He whispered.

"We don't have to be alone. There will always be new friends and enemies to be made." I spoke quietly.

"I don't want new friends." Hidan pouted, "I'm fucking sick and tired of change, damnit!"

"I won't change..." I frowned, we had had a similar conversation before.

"You'll grow tired of having me around. When you leave me... I'll have nothing. I'll be nothing."

"I'll never leave you!" I held him tighter as if to prove my point.

"You say that now... but... there is nothing to keep you with me." Hidan buried his face into my neck.

"Bullshit. I swear I'll find a way to make you believe I'll never leave you." I leaned down to kiss him, only to find I couldn't. He was gone and my world had grown dark.

* * *

Ooo~ Cliffy, ne?

I thank you all for your support. I have finished the KakuHida fluff but have just created another story (one that will not be uploaded until further notice) which will distract me from updating. However I will try and update as often as possible.

PS – **Private Message **me if you think you know the other MPreg pair. No leaving reviews for others to see. I just might reward you... if I have time.

Don't forget that reviews make Bobby happy and a happy Bobby means faster updates.


	11. No Means No, No Means No

Phox: Yay! Chapter Eleven brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HaloGabieter, & VampirePrincessofBlood- 30 review even, btw...

Hidan: … I have nothing to say to you.

Phox: Hell must have frozen over...

Hidan: That shithole doesn't exist!

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

Hidan yawned, dragging his feet behind Kisame. They were only a few feet away from the base when Phox appeared, waving them to join her in a clearing. Hidan glared at her, still ticked about the pregnancy.

"Hidan was no trouble, I hope?" She glanced at Kisame.

"He fainted before I could make him dinner but Itachi made him eggs this morning."

"I did not _faint_." Hidan glowered, "I simply... I... I was just tired damnit!"

"Hm. I will have Kabuto check on him in a few days." Phox blinked then stepped aside saying Hidan could go on his own from here.

–

Kakuzu paced the living room, last night's dream – no, nightmare – fresh on his mind. He woke up completely alone and for a change he was worried. On top of this, his mind was constantly thinking of what he had swore. What usually gave reason for couples to stay together? He sat on the loveseat and let his eyes wander on their own. He strained to remember more about the dream and when he did, it confused him further. He had been a father of a female Hidan's kids. He shook his head in disbelief; he had never considered children and completely accepted giving it up when he fell for Hidan.

He closed his eyes and leaned into the cushions. A child would be just what their relationship needed but, not only is it impossible, but it would no doubt be costly. He groaned as the figures flew past his mind's eye. There would be clothes, food, new furniture, and the list grew until he heard the cave entrance slide open. He leaped to his feet, running to see who it was.

"Kuzu..." Hidan smiled weakly when he spotted the elder approach.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" Kakuzu hissed, frowning down at the other.

"Out... just out." Hidan shrugged, brushing past his partner in order to reach his room.

Kakuzu's frown deepened at Hidan's odd, distant behavior and he followed him. Hidan was already in bed, stripped to his boxers when Kakuzu entered their room. He soon stripped as well, wrapping his arms around him as he fell into another uneasy night of sleep.

–

Five days pass, uneventful. The only change in the morning routine was Kakuzu waking up to the sound of someone retching in the bathroom. He sat up, rubbing his tired eyes. He still had that same nightmare every night but felt comforted by Hidan still in his arm when he awoke. Early this morning was an exception. He rolled out of bed then made his way towards the bathroom.

He pushed the door open and found Hidan hunched over the toilet. He watched in wonder as the immortal's shoulders hitched and a moment later he sent vomit to the bowl. Hidan coughed afterward then pulled back, taking a shuddering breath as he felt around for the washcloth he had stashed for every morning he had been throwing up before Kakuzu was awake. He let out a yelp when he felt Kakuzu's strong hand help him to the feet after flushing the toilet.

"What's going on, Hidan?" Kakuzu's face was contorted with worry as he brushed Hidan's hair back to see his uke's paler-than-usual face.

"S'nothing. Probably just a virus. No need to worry though, I'm immortal." Hidan didn't swear as he wiped his face with the slightly dirty wash cloth.

"If you insist... moron." Kakuzu sighed, shaking his head as he released his lover.

Hidan almost whimpered at the loss of contact but remained silent. Kakuzu shuffled over to his desk to finish yesterday's financial paperwork. Hidan sighed heavily, heading for the kitchen after fixing his hair. Once Hidan had left, Kakuzu growled, snapping his pencil. The lack of Hidan's libido was starting to get to him. They hadn't had sex since before training a week ago. A WEEK! He huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back as if throwing a tantrum. In the kitchen, Hidan had just finished burning his bacon when two familiar arms wrapped around him.

His first reaction was to flush and practically melt against his lover. Then he thought of the baby he was carrying. He wondered if it would be safe. He had been told of most couples having sex during pregnancy but they were hetero couples. '_That and Kakuzu nearly fucks me til I drop dead._' He gulped and broke out of the miser's grasp, looking anywhere but at the hurt expression. Phox said he was forbidden from letting his heart stop in anyway. He looked to his burnt food and his mouth watered.

Kakuzu watched in sudden wonder as Hidan placed the blackened bacon on a plate and headed for the table. Sure, being rejected hurt, but he was expecting it by now. He followed Hidan, about to ask about his food choice when Hidan stopped, setting the plate on the table before diving at Kakuzu. His eyes widened and he pulled Hidan closer, meshing their lips together. '_Screw the child! I fucking need this!_' Hidan gasped when Kakuzu's hands ghosted their way up his thigh. He returned the favor, only focusing closer to Kakuzu's fast-hardening member.

"Fuck I missed you!" Kakuzu growled, yanking down Hidan's boxers.

"Wait!" Hidan shivered but he pushed a stunned Kakuzu away, "I don't feel good..."

Kakuzu let out a feral growl and glared at Hidan whom was looking at the floor, trying to hide his limp member. After what felt like hours, Kakuzu spun around, storming to their room and slamming the door behind him. Hidan flinched at the sound and then sobbed, shocking himself for a moment. He slid to the floor and curled up, trying to think of anything but the hateful look Kakuzu had given him. He was so wrapped up in his shame and depression he had not noticed Kabuto until the silver hair spoke.

"Time for a check-up, Hidan-kun."

* * *

Wee!

Hidan: *sob* F-fuck you. *sob* S'not my fault, K-Kuzu!

Haha!

Hidan: You're a real b-*sob*-tch!

… Please leave a review... I want to know what you think of Hidan's total 180... or anything else you want to say.

Ahem... and if anyone is wondering; pregnancy effects your libido making you either really horny or not at all... (this is just summed up for you). I'm betting Hidan's reluctant due to worry for the embryo and that he has been getting nauseous from morning sickness.


	12. First CheckUp

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twelve brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, & FanGirlMania- (You three are epic as is HaloGabieter)

Hidan: Where's your pussy?

Phox: *glares*

Hidan: I meant cat! I meant cat!

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

"Tch. So you and Orochimaru were involved." Hidan grumbled as he followed Kabuto further into a cave very close to his and Kakuzu's.

"You seemed an easy choice and we were right." Kabuto smirked, stopping at a door.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Hidan snapped as the door slid open.

It was nice, to Hidan's surprise. Almost like an actual hospital room. Hidan allowed Kabuto to lead him to the lain back chair at the center of the room. His magenta eyes kept darting around the room, looking for Orochimaru.

"You and I will be the only ones allowed in here until further notice. I will act as a sort of... midwife." Kabuto put his hand to Hidan's naked belly. "There won't be much for me to see, but I can at least confirm things."

"Aren't you gonna ask me shit about my family or something?" Hidan asked.

He had watched a few movies with Phox, Itachi, and Deidara when they got together. Hidan scowled thinking of this. No doubt it was all her plan.

"Phox already gathered necessary research with Zetsu. They're very good spies after all." His hand began to glow with chakra and he quietly began to examine the womb.

–

Kakuzu sat on his bed, scowling at the wall. Perhaps he had overreacted but he's been deprived! He flopped back on the bed and now scowled to the ceiling. The nightmares he had been having turned into erotic dreams at some point. His eye twitched when one came to mind.

"What the hell is going on...?" He sighed, rolling over to lie on his stomach.

–

"So far, so good. You are indeed pregnant." Kabuto sat in a chair near where Hidan was lying. "Any questions? Feel free to ask now because I won't be seeing you for about two weeks."

"... Can I still have sex?" Hidan mumbled, barely audible.

"Come again?"

"Kakuzu's been really fuckin' horny and..." Hidan trailed as he felt his face heat.

"Oh, oh!" Kabuto laughed, "You should be fine... then again..." Kabuto rolled his chair to a desk to grab a file.

"What? What is it?"

"There is a very high chance of you having a miscarriage at the moment." He muttered, flipping through papers.

"Miscarriage? Is that when you lose the baby?" Hidan sat up, looking to Kabuto in curiosity.

"Yes. It can be quite sudden too sometimes. You'll have to avoid any and all types and amounts of alcohol throughout your pregnancy. As for your horny partner... I advise you try and talk with him."

"Out of the question." Hidan interrupted.  
"... Fine. If you ever feel up to it, go ahead. In the meantime..." Kabuto smirked, "May I recommend hand jobs for your seme to ease him?"

"... Why did Phox have to choose you of all people?"

–

Phox and Kisame started to head for Hidan and Kakuzu's base to check on the latter. They arrived and found him lying on his back for a change (he rolled over). Kisame gave a silent chuckle when he moaned out Hidan's name.

"Wet dreams, really?" He smirked at Phox.

"The snake venom was special. It mentally links Kakuzu to Hidan." She explained quietly, retreating back to the living room.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Hidan seems reluctant to tell Kakuzu about his pregnancy due to his reaction, right?" She continued when he nodded, "He's been dreaming about what it would be like to be a father."

"Warming him up to the idea."

"Exactly." She took a deep breath, "The wet dreams are because, when pregnant, the woman might have such dreams and fantasies. It's a side effect to the venom that he experiences a few mental symptoms Hidan will be having."

"Is it safe to assume you'll keep the others far away from them?"

"Oh yeah."

–

Once Kabuto had escorted Hidan home, Hidan headed straight for the kitchen. He hurriedly made himself a simple sandwich with water. After he finished, he went to the bathroom but paused as he was about to take a shower. As his thoughts wandered to Kakuzu, his body soon following.

"Kakuzu?"

He received a snore then bit back a laugh before sitting on the side of the bed. He was lying on his back and wore only his pants. Hidan studied his flushed face in confusion then let his eyes make their way south. He placed a hand on Kakuzu's neck and let it glide across his broad chest, relishing the feel of the multiple hearts beating and lungs softly working. Without thinking about it, his hand hovered over his partner's crotch.

"Mn... Hidan..."

Hidan gulped, his face dark red. Kakuzu felt warm down there and as his hand lowered he felt a dampness through the cloth. Hidan inhaled before getting on top of Kakuzu, legs gently straddling his rib cage with his face pointing south. He froze when the other shifted but then slid his hand under the fabric as Kakuzu eased, snoring lightly. Ever so gently, Hidan pulled Kakuzu's member from his pants and leaned towards it.

"Guh... you're lucky I fucking love you, bastard."

He rubbed the moist tip with a finger, pausing when another moan met his ears. He then brought his lips to it and placed a chaste kiss before slowly taking it in. His fingers made their way up and down the shaft, barely touching the skin. It was amusing how hard Kakuzu was from a simple dream.

"Hidan..." Kakuzu yawned just as his head met the back of Hidan's throat.

"Mnf?" Hidan's eyes widened; he was caught.

"What are you doing?"

Hidan rolled his eyes and pulled his mouth off to shoot Kakuzu a glare over his shoulder. However he did not answer before he started to tug and pull at his partner's erection. Kakuzu was panting by now having been without for five days, he was already so close to his orgasm.

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Kakuzu asked, running his hands along his uke's sides.

"N-nothing!" Hidan stuttered; aside from a baby, nothing has gotten into him.

"Hmn. I'm sorry." Kakuzu inhaled sharply as Hidan returned to licking him.

"For what?"

"Yelling at you earlier." Kakuzu managed, removing his hands when he noticed them trailing along Hidan's stomach.

"Mn. I don't mind. I know how you fucking feel." Hidan shrugged before licking his scrotum.

Kakuzu did not reply. Instead he laid back and focused on the feel of Hidan's talented tongue and hands. As soon as Hidan's mouth was back around his aching member, he released within and moaned, returning his hands to Hidan's hips. He was startled when Hidan crawled off and ran to the bathroom to spit out the load. He usually swallowed it.

"... You want a turn now?" Kakuzu asked as his partner returned, wiping his mouth before covering up.

"Ugh, no. Now fuck off and let me sleep." Hidan grumbled, curling up a bit, arms wrapped around his stomach.

"... I don't want to fuck off alone though..." Kakuzu pouted when he heard Hidan snore.

He sighed though and soon wrapped his own arms around Hidan. He fell asleep soon with his face buried in Hidan's silver locks.

* * *

My mom needs to stop forcing my kitty (which she forced to get declawed) to be an outdoor kitty. Especially when I'm asleep and can't bring him in. Stupid bitch. He's wandered off and I have no idea how long he's been out. :( I don't want to lose another kitty because of her!


	13. Artists Visit

Phox: Yay! Unlucky Chapter Thirteen brought to you by~ -_Erika, Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, & FanGirlMania_-

Hidan: See you found your pussy...

Phox: Yes I did.

Hidan: All you had to do was pull down your -slapped-

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan and Sasori X Deidara

Kakuzu woke up before Hidan the next morning and took the time to admire him. He gently untangled himself; Hidan's hand trapped Kakuzu's which was resting on top of his other hand. Once he made it out of bed, he went to his desk to find new paperwork and even a new mission they had to go on in three days. He sat down after pulling on his shirt and started to work. Hidan woke up ten minutes later and hurried out of bed, straight for the bathroom. Kakuzu turned when the door slammed shut, shrugged, and then returned to working.

Hidan, however, felt awful. He looked in the bowl, and wrinkled his nose in disgust. He hurried to flush it and went to the bathroom mirror. He did not notice his hair was in the way until after. He scowled at his reflection then went to take a shower. Afterwords he would have to make breakfast and then he would pester Kakuzu for no reason except that he would be bored. He turned off the water and glanced in the mirror once more to assure himself the vomit was gone from his hair.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Whatever you don't finish." Kakuzu shrugged, still looking at the papers.

Hidan sighed then went to the kitchen. He began to dig through the fridge and pulled out leftover rice. He wondered how long it had been left then decided to toss it before going back to the fridge. After awhile he settled on just making eggs with slightly stale bread. While he was cooking, two members decided to drop by. They entered the cavern, one of them molding clay with a smirk while his partner retreated upstairs.

BOOM!

"DEIDARA!" Both occupants of the cave hollered.

"I tried to talk him out of it Kakuzu." Sasori sighed, following the man back downstairs.

Hidan stood pressed against the counter as the stones showered down around him. Standing at the entrance of the kitchen was Deidara. Kakuzu loomed behind him, held back by Hiruko's tail.

"Breakfast is done... help yourself." Hidan took a shaky breath then brushed past everyone on his way to the bedroom.

After a moments pause Kakuzu followed, sending a glare at the two artists on his way. Sasori sighed and led Deidara into the kitchen to clean up. Hidan went to the bathroom and looked for a washcloth. He found one, dampened it, then lay it over his newly acquired womb. He had gotten egg on him when the explosion went off. Kakuzu found him and watched as Hidan cleaned himself far too slowly. It was obvious that his partner was thinking.

Kakuzu's presence continued to go unnoticed whilst Hidan was lost in thought. He wondered what Phox would do had that explosion gotten him instead of the wall. He shuddered at the thought, dropping the washcloth. He still did not want a child and he was sure Kakuzu would agree. However, what if their chance to be a family was a happy one? He closed his eyes and began to hum; hopefully his problem will be solved with a spontaneous miscarriage.

He smiled at the thought and stopped humming. He was then startled when Kakuzu coughed and he spun around, eyes shooting open. Kakuzu's face was blank yet inside he was curious. Hidan rarely thought so long or deeply about anything. He stepped aside as Hidan walked past, heading back downstairs. Perhaps he could ask later, when their 'guest' were gone. He sighed then followed his lover back to the kitchen.

Sasori and Deidara had saved the eggs, only to devour them as Hidan reappeared. Hidan scoffed at their ravenous behavior and snatched the bag of stale bread. He frowned at Deidara whom smirked back, sticking his tongue out. Kakuzu beckoned Sasori to the living room and the two left their ukes in the kitchen.

"Sasori, I have a serious question for you." Kakuzu spoke fairly quiet, making sure the other two couldn't hear.

"What about?"

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" Kakuzu clearly looked embarrassed but the thought had been plaguing his mind for a long time now.

"Not really, no." Sasori drawled then gasped, "Wait, don't tell me you had an affair and knocked some chick up."

"N-No, I've just been having these dreams." Kakuzu hushed Sasori once he got a little louder.

"Hm... well, were you gay from the beginning?" Sasori asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Kakuzu balked.

"I never found women attractive and therefore never thought of having kids." Sasori shrugged.

"Sadly... I've never loved anyone enough before Hidan so the same can be said for me. The thought of children hadn't crossed my mind until recently." Kakuzu hissed quietly.

"You could always adopt..." Sasori replied.

"No, no. I want them to be mine and Hidan's. Not some stranger's." Kakuzu growled.

"Well that's insane." Sasori paused, "Have you been feeling alright lately? Deprived of sex? I'd be somewhat willing to lend you Deidara... although there will be rules."

"No." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Just saying."

"Why are you two even here?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Deidara came to collect Hidan for tomorrow's movie night with the ukes since everyone is without a mission for tomorrow." he motioned to the kitchen. "As for me... I came to ask if you wanted to come with me and Kisame for a night out drinking. Our partners will be away, leaving us to play."

"Fine, but I refuse to pay for everything." Kakuzu grumbled.

–

"I don't fucking feel like it, Deidara." Hidan sighed once the bomber had invited him to Itachi's for an uke night.

"Come on, don't leave me alone with Itachi, hm." Deidara pouted.

"What about Phox?"

"What about Phox, hm?"

"Won't the bitch be there too?"

"No, she said she had to take care of something at her home village. Hm."

"I don't know... Kakuzu's been pretty fucking iffy lately. The bastard was begging to get in my pants last night." Hidan crossed his arms.

"So?" Deidara scoffed.

"Have fun with the others Hidan, I'll be back after tomorrow." Kakuzu suddenly called, shocking Hidan.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Hidan shouted back.

"Out with the guys. Enjoy your uke night." Hidan's protest was stopped when the door to the cave slammed shut.

"... I'll go fucking pack..."

–

Whoot, I'm eager for the next chapter. Or not... either way, I have an idea of what to do. Please swing by my profile for the new poll if you haven't already. Come August I will be preparing-for/resuming school so expect (hopefully) fewer updates.

Let me know in your reviews if you want the next chapter to introduce the other MPreg couple and/or if you want to see semes drunk off their asses.

Until then, I bid you all adieu for today for I am turning in... or switching to another WIP...

Oh, Oh, I have another request: I HAVE READ JUST ABOUT ALL THE COMPLETE KAKUHIDAS and coughHidaKuzuscough (all of the good Mature ones) OUT THERE AND WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF ANY OF YOU PLAN ON WRITING MORE.


	14. Meet Hametsuki

Phox: Yay! Chapter Fourteen brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, __katizo teruse_i_, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, & librarycat9_-

Hidan: Tooo tireeddddd.

Phox: tooooo looooong

Hidan: pissssss offffff

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG-s

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, and Sasori X Deidara

* * *

Itachi sat by a crib, tucking in a little child with a tuft of dark, dark blue hair on it's head and pale blue skin covered by a large t-shirt belonging to Itachi. He leaned down and placed his lips to its cheek as he pulled up the thin sheet. Hopefully Phox's plan would get Kakuzu to lend some extra money or get Hidan to steal from him. It was very cold in this cave after all and his child could only take so much. The door cracked open and in stepped Kisame.

"Hametsuki still sleeping?" He whispered, staring at their toddler.

"Yeah... Try not to drink too much..." Itachi murmured, stroking Kisame's jaw on his way out.

Kisame laughed soundlessly then bent over the crib to kiss his child. As soon as he closed the door behind him, the crying started. He gave a heavy sigh, shaking his head as Itachi hurried past him, bottle in hand. Kisame turned heel and headed for the door. He would meet the guys at Sasori and Deidara's. It wasn't until he met up with Kakuzu and Sasori that he realized he had not gotten his usual good bye kiss. They get to the bar and Kisame is the first to drink his beverage. But he is not drunk... oh no...

"You okay?" Sasori droned, "You look depressed."

"I... forgot to kiss my weasel goodbye..." He fell to his knees like in those dramatic tragedies when someone is told their loved one has died.

"It's just one kiss..." Kakuzu rolled his eyes, helping Sasori yank the shark to his feet.

"One kiss can decide your relationship, Kakuzu, JUST ONE KISS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!" Kisame latched onto his shoulders and started to shake him.

"You're smashed, aren't ya?" Sasori drawled, finishing his first drink.

"No. I. Am. Not." Kisame slumped forward on the table.

"Well this will make popping my question to you easier." Kakuzu mumbled.

"I'm taken, but tha's okay lady... yer prettier." Kisame shot up, "Seriously though. Go on."

"Have you ever thought about having kids with Uchiha?"

"Oh not this crap again." Sasori groaned, halfway finished with his second drink.

"As a matter of fact, yes." the other two immediately perked, "Itachi is the last in his clan save his brother and... his brother is named Sasu-gay..." Kisame snickered, "So the only way for the Uchiha clan to continue would be for Itachi to leave me for someone else." He smiled softly, "It would be wonderful to be a father but I admit I gave up the chance when I fell, hard, for Itachi."

"You say that as though you have a chance now." Kakuzu mused aloud.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't but what's it to you?" Kisame smirked, refusing a drink Sasori offered.

"I swear you two need to get laid or something. I'll take you both!" Sasori is weak with holding his liquor, it appeared.

"No thanks." They both deadpanned.

–

Meanwhile, Hidan and Deidara finally left his and Kakuzu's base for Itachi's. They arrived to find him glaring at the TV in front of the couch, popcorn in a bowl on the table. Hidan and Deidara made their way over, plopping down on the sofa.

"Oi, Uchiha, you better not burn another TV..." Hidan trailed as he thought about financing. Usually it was Kakuzu's job to worry but now that he was pregnant—he shook his head.

"Don't worry, I know we need to start saving our money." Itachi said as the TV finally decided to work.

"I don't see why, hm. Seems Kakuzu's got us plenty of money." Deidara leaned further into the couch, relaxing.

"You won't be thinking that in a few months." Itachi smirked, Hidan felt his heart skip a beat as the Uchiha returned to the couch.

"Phox said the same thing, hm."

"Of course the bitch would say something..." Hidan huffed, grumpy.

"Are you upset with her actions?" Itachi asked calmly.

"I don't fucking want it!" Hidan seethed.

"Um... what's goin' on, hm?" Deidara looked from one man to the other fuming man.

"You don't want it or Kakuzu doesn't want it?" Itachi quirked a brow and Deidara was ignored.

"Want what, hm?" Deidara whined.

"It doesn't matter, fucker!" Hidan snapped at Itachi; again, Deidara was ignored.

"Of course it matters." Itachi was suddenly in Hidan's face, practically sitting on Deidara whom was in between the two. "You have something alive inside you. Not him, you."

"What!" Deidara screeched, finally getting the others' attention.

"It's nothing!" They both snarled.

Deidara was about to retort when the trio heard something. Hidan's eyes widened in shock, Deidara's narrowed in confusion, and Itachi's closed in exhaustion. Hametsuki was awake and hungry. He opened his eyes and Hidan was stunned to find he really did appear exhausted. As in months of sleepless nights, not just due to his long term illness. He glared at both of them, telling them both to stay, as he retreated to his child's bedroom. Moments later he appeared with it in his arms.

"Alright, don't freak out. This is Sasuke Hametsuki Uchiha Hoshigaki." Itachi shifted the toddler in his arms, "...He's my child cum Kisame."

"How...?" Deidara trailed as Itachi returned to the coach.

"Phox mentioned... another male pregnancy." Hidan suddenly snickered, "She turned you into a bitchy chick?"

"Uchiha was a what, hm?" Deidara gaped.

"Thanks a lot Hidan." Itachi rolled his eyes then came back with a vengeance, "Deidara will get a choice at least. Male or female?"

"W-W-W-What?" Hidan and Itachi watched him fall to the floor, unconscious.

"Well that went well." Itachi murmured, nuzzling Hametsuki.

"So..." Hidan stepped over Deidara to join Itachi, "What... what's it like?"

–

"Anyways, as I was sayi-"

"You... have very pretty eyes..." Sasori murmured, face inches from Kisame, cutting him off.

"Fuck yourself, 'Sori..." Kakuzu groaned, downing another bottle.

"Mn... I like the thought. You gunna watch, big guy?" Sasori slurred before slamming on the matress, out cold.

"Remind me again why we take him drinking..." Kisame muttered.

"Entertainments." Kakuzu had a slight slur of his own.

"Better say this before you grow dumb." Kisame laughed, "Point is. I did find a way to have a child with Itachi and she—I mean _he—_is beautiful. An angel gave birth to an angel..." His mind wandered to his own fantasy world while Kakuzu gaped at him.

* * *

Sorry for the delay, I'm gonna switch to my other mpreg real quick then write the next chapter to this. Hopefully I'll be able to finish "Cheaper by the Dozen My Ass"... an intended oneshot that will more than likely end up in chapters yet again... *pout*


	15. Decision, Reason, and a Misunderstanding

Phox: Yay! Chapter Fifteen brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, katizo terusei, yuki-chan name is yuki-chan, & FanGirlMania_-

Hidan: Nobody likes SasoDei

Phox: Nobody reading this story at least...

Hidan: Yet there's more SasoDeiSaso fanart than KakuHidaKuzu

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, and Sasori X Deidara

* * *

Hametsuki crawled around on a rug in the middle of the living room while Itachi looked on. Hidan was hovering over Deidara, trying to wake him up. He soon gave up though and crouched down besides Itachi, watching the toddler with mild interest.

"You change your mind, Hidan?" Itachi kept his eyes trained on his child.

"Fuck you..." was all Hidan could manage.

"Uh-huh... Well, Kisame and the others will be back soon." Itachi stood up, "Keep an eye on him, I need to take care of something."

Hidan rolled his eyes but sat cross-legged, watching the child, bored. It looked over at him and giggled. The child crawled up to him then into his lap. Hidan sat perfectly still, waiting. Hametsuki reached up and Hidan growled when it yanked on his pendant, jerking his head forward.

"Let go fucking brat." Hidan grabbed its tiny wrist and pulled back its hand.

"Hidan, please don't curse around my child." Itachi returned, a thin blanket in hand.

"I don't know why the fu—hell you wanted a brat anyways." Itachi took the child from him, wrapping it in the blanket.

"Kisame and I have always wanted a child..." Itachi shrugged.

"But why?" Hidan's eyes flashed.

"Aside from the fact my brother and I are the last of the Uchiha Clan?" Itachi drawled which earned a glare from Hidan, "It's... nice to have something... er." Suddenly the Uchiha looked embarrassed.

"Ugh, you two wouldn't believe the dream I had, hm." Deidara was awake. "I dreamed that the weasel had a kid with the shar—Still dreaming, hm..."

"No, you're not dreaming and I'll fucking kill you if you faint again."

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but!" Deidara gaped at the toddler.

"Sit." Itachi sighed, motioning to the couch. "Hold him, Hidan." Itachi handed his child to Hidan and they joined Deidara. "Go ahead and ask him about children, Hidan."

"Um... what, hm?"

"Itachi's trying to talk me into keeping this... _thing_... growing inside me." Hidan spat, poking at his belly, struggling not to drop the child in the process.

"Why?"

"What the fuck do you mean 'Why'?" Hidan scoffed, "Ask Uchiha."

"No, I mean why so you want to get rid of it, hm?" Deidara gaped at Hidan as though he were crazy.

"W-Why not? I-It's un-unnatural." Hidan stuttered, subconsciously pulling the child closer.

"Bullshit." Deidara smirked as the child started to nuzzle Hidan's neck.

"Okay, fine. I want a child for reasons even I don't fucking know."

"You can blame hormones for now." Itachi murmured, gently prying his toddler from him.

"So why then, hm?"

"Kakuzu loves his money more than me." Hidan shrugged, "Even if he doesn't, it's pretty damn close."

"Have you even asked him, hm?" Deidara deadpanned.

"Don't wanna." Hidan pouted stubbornly.

–

"You won't tell anyone, will you?"

Kisame asked Kakuzu as he hurried to finish his glass. Sasori was still crashed out on his mattress. After the bar they had headed home with a keg of alcohol. Kisame finished telling Kakuzu about Hametsuki.

"Who'd believe me?"

"... Right..."

–

The next morning Kisame, Kakuzu, and a woozy Sasori headed for their ukes. They found Deidara asleep on the couch and Hidan in the kitchen. A moment later, Itachi came out to greet them, wearing one of Kisame's only sweater. Kisame smiled with sympathy and wrapped him in a hug, placing a kiss on his forehead, cheek, then lips. Sasori rolled his eyes at the display and went to wake his lover. Kakuzu headed for the kitchen and found his own partner poking at his egg, a blank look on his face. The stitched ninja hesitated before joining him.

"What's wrong with you?" Hidan visibly tensed.

"What the fuck do you mean?" He gulped.

"You look like you're thinking... it's worrisome." Kakuzu poked.

"Fuck off." Hidan pouted, returning to his eggs.

"Ready to go?"

"No." Kakuzu started.

"Why not?"

"... I want to stay here is all." Hidan shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Hidan."

"Kakuzu."

"We'll be going now. Phox has a new training session planned for us." They overheard Sasori as he was about to leave.

"Hidan, don't forget to play nice, hm!" Deidara shouted before leaving with his 'Danna'.

"What does that mean?" Kakuzu growled.

"Jus' go home, I'm gonna stay here for a week." Hidan finished his eggs and got up to wash his dish.

"No." Kakuzu jumped up and before Hidan could blink, he had been pinned.

"Yes, I am, bastard. You're not my fucking boss." Hidan snapped.

"You're mine, Hidan." Kakuzu hissed , licking Hidan's ear.

"D-Damnit, Kakuzu. Let me go." Hidan scowled, flushing.

"You don't want me to let you go." Kakuzu's face was expressionless.

"Yes, I do, damnit. And your fucking breath reeks. How much did you drink?"

Hidan received no answer but was released. Kakuzu closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning away. Hidan watched, confused, as Kakuzu left the kitchen and then the base. He shrugged off the awful feeling he was getting and returned to the sink.

–

Kakuzu continued home without Hidan, hiding his inner turmoil well. Perhaps his nightmare was beginning to hold truth. Hidan no longer loved him. His hearts clenched at the thought but he kept moving. He refused to think negatively but his mind had other plans. As he lay back in his bed, the nightmare came once more. Only there was no Hidan there for when he would wake the next morning.

* * *

This chapter is short and I am sorry for that...

Don't forget to visit my new poll. If you want to see a glimpse of Deidara becoming pregnant, you have a choice! So far, everyone's voting no! Do you want Deidara to give birth via the transformation jutsu (Deidara Female Pregnancy) or via the serum that got Hidan pregnant (Deidara Male Pregnancy)? Not writing next chapter til I get more votes!

In the meantime... I have other stories you can read. :D


	16. Talk to Me

Phox: Yay! Chapter Sixteen brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, librarycat9, KakuHidahearts, SuigetsuPhwoar, Deinagotcha,& GaaraTurnedAussie_-

Hidan: We're are now simply winging it.

Phox: I keep forgetting to make you curse...

Hidan: Cursing makes people sound stupi—I need therapy. ASAP.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi – At the END

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, and Sasori X Deidara

* * *

Six days pass and Kakuzu's nightmares had become unbearable. The only thing that had changed with last night's nightmare was that the woman was now Hidan, a man. He threw on his cloak and glanced at a book that lay open on his desk. In the past few days, he had gone after countless bounties to get as much money as possible. His planning had started and now all he needed to do was visit Kisame, Itachi, and their bundle of joy. And Hidan too, who still had not returned.

He arrived to find his partner struggling with a child. This startled Kakuzu into a stunned silence. He saw Itachi by the wall, smiling until the child bit Hidan. Kakuzu flinched at the scream that immediately brought Kisame running.

"Moth fucking brat!" Hidan screeched, wincing as Kisame tried to pry his toddler from Hidan's arm, "I know the little bas-brat is teething. But isn't that why we have chew toys?"

"Sorry Hidan, we can't help that you scare Hametsuki." Itachi smirked, taking the kid from his partner.

"_I _scare _him_?" Hidan huffed, crossing his arms before going to a seat that sat in the corner.

Something told Kakuzu that this was daily routine for them. He cleared his throat causing all in the room to jump. Itachi whirled around in attempt to hide Hametsuki while Kisame took a protective stance. Hidan did not react until it was revealed _who _had arrived. He shot out of his seat and ran to Kakuzu, immediately wrapping him in a hug. Kisame had relaxed as had Itachi and they took seats on the sofa. Hidan wriggled free and soon joined them.

"What brings you here so suddenly, Kakuzu?" Kisame smirked, suspecting.

"I need to ask you something..." Kakuzu trailed, eyes drifting towards the ukes.

"I believe it's time you change Ha-chan's diaper, Hidan." Kisame smiled while the other two grimaced.

"Kisame..."

"Tch. Whatever..." Hidan scoffed, following Itachi into the extra bedroom that belonged to the eleven month old.

"How did you do it?" Kakuzu rushed once they were gone.

"Do what?" Kisame was playing dumb.

"Get Itachi pregnant?"

"Simple." Kisame paused, relishing the miser's expression, "The transformation jutsu. Changed him into a woman for the duration."

Kakuzu's eyes widened. He should have known. His thoughts were interrupted by an exclamation from the nursery. However it had soon quieted and Kakuzu relaxed when Kisame showed no reaction to the outburst.

"Well, what do you plan on doing now, Kakuzu?"

"I don't think I'll be able to change Hidan." Kakuzu sighed, suddenly feeling his age.

"You sound disappointed." Kisame smirked.

"I was wondering... it just got to be too much is all." he shrugged.

"I'm sure Hidan might understand. You should talk with him."

– Minutes Ago –

Hidan had never been allowed in the room when Hametsuki was being changed. That's why he was eager to see what they had been hiding. Itachi set his child down on a soft rug since they did not have the money for a proper changing station. Hidan knelt besides him, holding a clean diaper and the wipes. Hametsuki squirmed as Itachi began to undo the diaper. When he did, Hidan was slightly surprised.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I thought she was a he!" He shouted, making the Uchiha roll his eyes.

"Calm down. So what if we have a daughter..." Itachi mumbled, wiping his daughter's rear.

"You want us to think it's a fucking boy though..." Hidan quirked a brow.

"Not really. I'm more or less indifferent. A female Uchiha is just rare like a male is rare in your family." Itachi glanced at Hidan, putting on the new diaper, "You are watching this, right?"

"Er... Yeah but now I feel weird." Hidan flushed.

"Hn."

–

Kakuzu was waiting by the mouth of the cave for Hidan to say his good byes. They traveled home in silence for a change with Hidan staring absentmindedly at Kakuzu's hand. He had always wanted a bit of public affection from the miser. Just not to the extent of most couples (coughSasoDeicough). He sighed heavily, catching the elder's attention.

"Why did you stay there for so long anyways?" Kakuzu questioned once they arrived at a tea house.

"... You wouldn't fucking believe me if I told you." Hidan managed around his rice ball, "If you did eventually believe me you would fucking kill me."

"What the hell makes you say that?" Kakuzu was a little crestfallen that his lover had believed such a thing but he'd be damned if he were to show it.

"..." Hidan could not come up with a response and shrugged, sipping tea.

"Hidan. Tell me." Kakuzu demanded.

"No..." Hidan murmured, shaking.

"Hidan!"

"I-I... don't think..." Hidan was struggling to find his voice, "You know what? FUCK YOU!"

Kakuzu was, to say the least, appalled at the sudden outburst. He continued to sit, watching Hidan stand, glaring at him.

"I am sick of this shit, you bastard!" He snarled. "Why can't you just fucking respect that I need my fucking privacy and some fucking space. I don't what the fuck I ever saw in a bastard like you."

Kakuzu was stunned into silence, having a mental break down as Hidan stormed off. Once his partner had vanished from sight though, he panicked and left, skipping out on their bill. Not like it would be the first time. Kakuzu headed for home, hoping that was where his partner had gone. He entered with caution and a temper of his own. '_How dare Hidan make such a big deal out of a simple question? I'm only worried about the little fucker._' Kakuzu sighed in defeat when he heard crashing from their room.

He decided to wait it out, sitting back on the loveseat. He briefly wondered what he had been thinking, wanting to put a kid of his in danger of its own parents. He frowned, starting to doze off. Something poked him though, snapping him from his daze. Hidan sat on the floor at his partner's feet, pouting. Kakuzu closed his eyes and counted until he felt Hidan lean in. His eyes snapped open at having the yougner nuzzle his groin.

"'M sorry, 'Kuzu." Hidan sniffed. "I di'n't mean it." He nuzzled Kakuzu once again.

"You've been acting very strange lately, Hidan." Kakuzu rested a hand on his lover's head, petting him.

"I love you..." Hidan whined, panting now.

"Are you alright?" Kakuzu's brow furrowed in confusion.

However confusion became surprise as his zipper was undone. He stopped petting Hidan, watching in curiosity as Hidan withdrew his length. Pleasure rushed through him as something warm and wet met his tip. Hidan pulled his mouth away though, remembering the last time. He replaced his tongue with his fingers and grinned when Kakuzu responded to his touches, giving a gruff moan.

"Impatient?" Hidan smirked.

"What's gotten into you?" Kakuzu panted.

"Nothing yet."

"... You... are a pervert..." Kakuzu sighed, stroking the other male's hair.

"Hypocritical bastard." Hidan drawled playfully.

"Are you going to let me fuck you tonight?"

"No." Hidan pulled away as though offended.

"What's wrong now?" It was starting to get old for the ninety year old.

"Do you love me?" Hidan bit his lip, averting the green and red eyes that widened at the question.

"Of course."

"How much?"

"A lot."

"That's all?"

"Er..."

"... Well?"

"Look, Hidan, I love you. Very, very much. Now, tell me what the hell is going on."

"Alright... I'll tell you... Promise you won't freak..."

* * *

Finished this in the car... sorry for the delay. I wonder what I should work on next...

Thanks everyone for their support. I will update eventually.


	17. Don't Ask, Won't Tell

Phox: Yay! Chapter Sixteen brought to you by~ -_**Ditkata**, librarycat9, **KakuHidahearts**, SuigetsuPhwoar, Deinagotcha, Hidan-chan11, & GaaraTurnedAussie_- Again.

Pain: Why am I never mentioned?

Phox: I'm sure you're mentioned somewhere.

Konan: You're avoiding the question.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi

* * *

"I want some attention and affection." Hidan had chickened out.

"That's all?" Kakuzu scoffed.

"What the fuck do you mean 'That's all?', bastard?" Hidan snapped.

"You're doing it again." Kakuzu sighed, tucking his now limp member back into his pants.

"Doing what?" Hidan blinked innocently, cocking his head to the side.

"Being all sad, sappy one minute then the next thing I know you're trying to kill me." he explained.

"Who the fuck 'you calling sappy?" Hidan snapped.

"Never mind. I'm going to bed." Kakuzu groaned.

"Well fuck you too then! I'm sleeping on the fucking couch!"

Kakuzu easily dodged the couch cushion Hidan threw at his head. He continued to their bedroom and started to get undressed. He was going to cool off in the shower and hopefully convince Hidan to do the same. Meanwhile, Hidan was silently fuming although he knew not the reason why. He gave up soon though and headed for the kitchen when his stomach commanded him with a rumble.

"Damn, quiet down brat. I'll get your fucking nutrients." He said to his flat stomach.

As he was grabbing food, he began to wonder. He made himself some instant ramen, too lazy to cook an actual meal. He sat at the table and waited for the three minutes allowed as the noodles softened. He absentmindedly ran a hand over the plane of his lower abdomen.

"What will I do when you start to show, brat?" Hidan sighed, peeling the remainder of the lid off his food. "What will your bastard of a father do when he finds out?"

He finished eating and made sure to blow out the torches. Kakuzu hated having to buy new ones once the old ones burn down. He was halfway to the couch when a gut feeling told him to sleep with Kakuzu while he could. Hidan expected Kakuzu to reject their child and maybe even Hidan himself if he were to discover the little one. He trudged down the hall, blowing out the torches as he went. He paused at the last one, deep in thought. Was he only a flame to be lit when needed and blown out when there is no need?

"Hidan?" Kakuzu's voice woke Hidan from the trance he had placed himself in, staring at the flame.

"Can I take a fuckin' shower?" He asked, showing a bit of his old spirit.

"... No." but Kakuzu moved aside and let Hidan in.

He went back to his desk to return to counting his recently acquired money. Hidan noticed the money supply, more abundant than usual. He could smell himself though and decided to ask later. He pulled off his pants and boxers, leaving them on the floor as he usually did but he paused at the bathroom door to look back. Why did he have the urge to pick them up? So, he went back to his clothes, scooped them up, threw them in the dirty hamper, noticed Kakuzu's clothes as well as plenty of his still lying around, and then started to pick up the entire room.

This whole act did not go unnoticed and surprised his partner since he usually had to pick up the mess or, favorably, _force_ Hidan to clean. As he opened his mouth to question this, however, Hidan had already gone into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. His mouth hung open for a moment or two before he shook his head and closed his gaping mouth. There was no doubt in the miser's mind that something had happened to his beloved immortal and it was something said immortal really did not want to tell Kakuzu. Yet.

He nodded to himself, making the decision not to ask Hidan about his condition. Hidan would tell him when he needed or Kakuzu would eventually discover it if it would not stop soon. Hidan finished his shower moments later to find his money-lover already in bed, starting to doze off without him. He smiled, pulling off his towel to join his partner in the bed, nude. He was going to do anything, of course. Itachi had recommended waiting until after his next check up before giving into his seme's body.

"I love you, Kuzu-chan." Hidan purred, cuddling up to the near-naked man.

"Good night, Hidan-chan." Kakuzu yawned, placing a kiss to Hidan's lips as he drifted off. "I love you too..."

–

Five weeks go by and the immortal duo partake in numerous bounty hunts. Kakuzu was beyond worried when Hidan refused to fight the bounty and when he did, it was still unbelievable how things had changed. He was holding back when using his special technique and instead finished them off by hand. Once Kakuzu had decided to be nice, took Hidan to a bar, and tried to get him drunk enough to spill the beans. Apparently, Hidan was no longer an alcoholic and refused any and all alcohol. This aggravated him but he decided not to lose his temper with Hidan's complete change of attitude.

So, now they were back home after dropping some of Kakuzu's precious money off at Kisame and Itachi's to help support Hametsuki. Kakuzu was mulling over his papers and money while Hidan was searching through the cabinets for a jar of peanut butter. He found none then started a tantrum. He stormed into the bedroom to find Kakuzu was placing his money in the safe.

"Why the fuck don't we have any fucking peanut butter?" Hidan shouted.

"We do. It's-"

"Fucking smooth. I want crunchy peanut butter, damnit!" Hidan snarled at Kakuzu.

"You hate crunchy..."

"I don't give a shit! I want my fucking **crunchy** peanut butter!" Hidan threw a kunai at the defenseless banker.

"Alright, alright, I'll go buy your fucking crunchy peanut butter!" He gave a sigh of relief as his partner seemed to calm down.

"And don't skimp out on the lettuce."

"... Lettuce and peanut butter...?"

"And that wheat bread."

"You hate wheat bread." Kakuzu froze when Hidan reached for a kunai and held up his hands, "Okay, Crunchy peanut butter, lettuce, and wheat bread."

"And ice cream..." Hidan huffed, flopping down on the bed.

"Okay... what flavor?" Kakuzu wondered how much this was going to cost.

"... I don't know..."

After Hidan decided on cookie dough flavored ice cream, Kakuzu headed into the market, albeit reluctantly. The Jashinist waited impatiently for his return in the bedroom when he heard an intruder. He sat up with a groan and grabbed his scythe. That usually scared the bastards off. He was surprised to find Kabuto waiting there with Phox. He glared at the latter.

"Long time no see, Hidan." Kabuto smiled.

"I think I can see a bit of a bump, Kabuto." Phox smirked when Hidan's glare intensified.

"What the fuck are you bitches doing here?" Hidan snapped moodily; he was still hungry.

"We've come to take you to your check up since it has been eleven weeks, three months." Kabuto answered, glancing down at his clipboard.

"So drop the scythe and come with us..." She paused then added, "If you vant to live." in a mock accent.

"Tch. Weird bitch."

* * *

Whoot! … Hidan's having mood swing and cravings. He's also, finally, growing the infamously dubbed, 'baby bump'. The next chapter is where your votes will be put into play... hopefully...


	18. You've Gained Weight

Phox: Yay! Chapter Sixteen brought to you by~ -_Ditkata & librarycat9_-

Kakuzu: … I know your secret.

Phox: … I know yours.

Kakuzu: … Shit.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, and Sasori X Deidara

–

Hidan reluctantly followed Phox and Kabuto outside, through the forest, over the river and to Granny Chi—I mean, they headed for Orochimaru's cave that Kabuto had taken Hidan to last time. As they made their way to the check up room, Hidan could not help but remember having sent Kakuzu to _buy_ food for _him_. Kabuto jumped when his patient burst out laughing. Once he got Hidan to quiet down, he pulled the man into the room and onto the examination table.

"That's new." Hidan spoke, pointing at a monitor attached to other machinery.

"That's an ultrasound and this is the transducer. Now put some of that gel on your stomach." Kabuto held up the scanner and pulled the machine closer to Hidan while Phox gave him some of the gel.

"I thought it would be nice for you to see your baby." Phox explained.

"Now I'll get to see what the big idea is when bitches overreact in all those movies you show us. And that kinda tickles." Hidan rambled as Kabuto began.

"Shut up."

Hidan rolled his eyes but obeyed, eyes trailing to the screen. He watched in confusion as Phox's jaw dropped and Kabuto's eyes widened. They were staring at the black and white image like they could tell what it was. Phox exchanged a glance with Kabuto and went to the machine. She hit a button and some pages started to print off. She turned of the machine and Kabuto threw Hidan a rag. Once he was cleaned, he joined them at what appeared to be a kitchen table.

"Here, look at these Hidan." Phox handed him the photos of what had shown on the monitor.

"What is that?" Hidan pointed to something.

"That would be an eye, there's the other eye." Kabuto was smiling as Hidan set the picture on the table, letting the enemy point to everything in the pictures. "This is the head and-"

"This baby fuckin' looks weird." despite his words, he too was smiling, looking at another picture. "Oi, if that's the head, then what's this?"

"That would be a head." Kabuto answered after receiving an 'OK' from Phox.

"So my baby has two heads?" Hidan blinked.

"No, baka, _you_ have two _babies._" Phox smirked when Hidan paled.

–

Kakuzu came home with his partner's desired food moment after Hidan had left. He put the food away when Hidan did not come to claim it. He growled under his breath and went to the bedroom.

"Okay, bitch, I got your food in... the... kitchen." He trailed upon realizing he was alone then shouted, "Where the fuck did you go now?"

He stormed back into the living room but stopped short. He had run into someone since he had been looking down in thought. He saw a flash of blue and wondered why Kisame was in his living room. He heard the shrill laugh of a child and noticed Itachi and Hametsuki sitting on the love seat, the latter chewing on a rubber chew toy for dogs. Kakuzu rose a brow but decided not to question it.

"What are you three doing here?" Kakuzu grumbled as Kisame sat next to his partner.

"Waiting for Hidan." Itachi answered.

"You know where he is?" Kakuzu asked.

"Can't tell you, sorry." Kisame smirked.

"Kisame, tell me where he is or I just might let your secret slip." Kakuzu threatened.

"Not fair! You know how Sasori is when he's drunk!"

"Excuse me?" Everyone jumped when they heard the puppeteer.

"What is Sasori-danna like when he drunk?" Deidara appeared besides his partner at the entrance.

"Horny as fuck." Kakuzu replied simply.

"Danna?" Deidara looked genuinely surprised.

"Never thought he'd be the type..." Itachi murmured, not bothering to hide his daughter.

"That's not the best part." Kakuzu shoots a sly glance in a red-faced redhead's direction, "He's the one that asks to be fucked."

"L-Lies!" Sasori stutters.

"What's a lie and why the fuck are you all in my house?" Hidan arrived with Phox and Kabuto close behind.

"I should ask Kabuto the same." Kakuzu hurried to Hidan's side.

"Just curious to see if Hidan will spill the beans." Kabuto answered, pushing his glasses up.

"Piss off, Kabuto. All of you; out!" Hidan snapped moodily, pointing to the door.

The artists rolled their eyes and followed Kabuto out of the cave. Phox headed for the loveseat and the four stared at Hidan and Kakuzu whom were glaring back.

"We're spending the night. And, you've got a mission... both of you." She held a folder out to Kakuzu, knowing Hidan would take more than the folder from her.

"Oh, and Hidan... easy on the junk food... I believe you're gaining a little weight." Kisame smirked once Hidan was out the door. However he was still in hearing distance.

"I am not fucking fat, fish dick!" Kisame narrowly avoided the kunai that came for his head.

Kakuzu glanced at the other, wondering why he was staring at him. He shook off the thought though and joined Hidan outside. Kakuzu considered asking Hidan where he was but his partner had gone ahead, looking to the dirt and deep in thought. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and looked through the folder for their destination. He glanced at it then sighed. It would be a long trip. Hidan started to slow once he realized he had no idea where they were going. When they were almost at their destination, it was midnight and Hidan's complaints began to increase.

"I want to stay at a fucking inn."

"No, we're almost there."

"I'm hungry."

"You had the chance to eat back home. It's your fault you left before I brought food back."

"Go get it."

"You're joking."

"My stomach hurts..."

"Deal with it."

"I can, but they can't." Hidan said this quietly, hoping Kakuzu had not heard.

"What?" Kakuzu stopped now to stare at his partner whom had trailed behind quite a bit.

"I said, I can't fucking deal with it. You stupid piece of shit." Hidan snapped, throwing his shoe at Kakuzu.

"... That's it..." Kakuzu growled dangerously.

"This is it." Hidan growled back with more ferocity.

Kakuzu was about to ask but before he could, Hidan suddenly fell to his knees. He winced and held his abdomen and worry crossed Kakuzu's face for a moment. Hidan groaned then collapsed on his side. Stunned, Kakuzu stared before kneeling down in order to pick his partner up. He pulled him onto his back then paused, confused.

"Kisame's right... you have gained some weight..."

He carried Hidan until they reached their destination. It was Yugakure, Hidan's home village. He made sure to cover Hidan's head with some cloth before actually entering the village. Not that the peaceful village could do anything. He looked around for a cheap inn, found one, checked in, and then dumped Hidan on the bed. He soon plopped down besides him, but then sat back up. Hidan still had his cloak on but had buttoned it up to his collar bone. He usually had it completely unbuttoned which is what brought him to unbutton the cloak completely.

Hidan was perfectly fine underneath at first glance but Kakuzu noticed something was off. His rough hand trailed from his neck, to his ribs, then down to his stomach. Kakuzu froze here, staring at the bump underneath. Hidan had let himself go, it seemed. However the miser knew he had seen Hidan exercising daily despite him eating quite a bit of their food... Hidan should still have his usual physique. He did not know why, but he soon found both hands roaming the stomach. After fifteen minutes of caressing, he started to fall asleep, his head resting near Hidan's new found bump. Near his twins...

–

Okay, I know I owe Ditkata some smut but I plan on including it soon, hopefully next chapter...

I wonder if I should have them run into someone from Hidan's clan or cult. What do you think?

Oh, and I just finished snooping through Kakuzu and Hidan's information on Narutopedia. I had many lol's with Hidan.


	19. Truthfully Sexy

Phox: Yay! Chapter Nineteen brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, librarycat9, & VampirePrincessofBlood_-

Kisame: Omnomnom...

Itachi: ….

Kisame: Mn.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi – Oh HELL YES!

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

Kakuzu woke up before Hidan did, which worried him but he shrugged it off. Hidan was immortal so there was nothing to worry about. He decided he might as well get breakfast. He headed down to the inn's food service, noticed the prices, and left. Kakuzu found a place that looked cheap enough and went in. The name of the restaurant went unnoticed as did a few of the men and women wearing a familiar pendent. He approached the counter and was greeted by a woman with silver hair and red eyes.

"Welcome to the Immortal Restaurant named for the many years we've been servicing." She greeted, "What would you like this morning?"

"Um." Kakuzu glanced at the menu, looking for the cheapest item, "Small helping of rice and eggs."

"Are you planning on staying? We have private rooms if you'd like."

"No, I have to get back to my-"

"Kakuzu, you fucker!" He turned around with a groan.

"Is this your wife sir?" The woman smiled as Hidan came closer.

"Does it look like I'm a fucking bitch, IkeIke?" The woman's eyes widened and Kakuzu glared at Hidan.

"H-Hidan-chan?"

"Sister."

Kakuzu blinked in confusion as the woman leaped over the counter, wrapping her arms around _his_ man. Hidan hugged back briefly then pulled away. The woman's red eyes looked him up and down then stopped at his stomach. He still was not wearing a shirt.

"Hidan... who-" He was interrupted by a squeal from Hidan's sister.

"Congratulations!"

"Sister, pipe down and take my partner and I to a room." Hidan snapped, glancing at Kakuzu.

"Partner?" The girl quirked a brow but led the pair to a guestroom without question. "I'll bring you your breakfast then." She bowed then departed.

"Listen up Kakuzu because I got something to fuckin' tell you." Kakuzu immediately straightened in his seat across from Hidan.

"Now you decide to tell me?" Kakuzu scoffed but froze to find Hidan scrutinizing the table.

"Um, you gotta promise you won't get mad..." Hidan mumbled.

"... No promises." Kakuzu smirked.

"Bastard..." Hidan sighed but then his shoulders hitched.

"Hidan?" Kakuzu reached over the table to ease his face up. "What's wrong?"

"Y-You're a bastard b-but I still l-love you." Hidan sniffed.

"Why are you crying? It's unnerving." Kakuzu frowned.

"Um... well, I'm p-pre..." He shook his head from Kakuzu's gentle hold and wiped his eyes. "You know what Kisame said right?"

"Something about you being fat..." Kakuzu trailed and Hidan scowled before slapping him.

"Bastard!" Hidan sobbed.

"Gah! Stop that! Your mood swings are giving me whiplash."

"You don't even care about me."

"What? That's bullshi-"

"Your meal is here... What did you do to my brother?" 'Sister' had arrived, placing food on the table before she noticed her brother's distress.

"I didn't do anything!" Kakuzu defended.

"Bullshit! Everything is your fucking fault! It always is." Hidan snapped, "You're the one that drove me away, the one that got me knocked up, the one that did-didn-'t save me from that man, and-and..." Hidan broke off, choking on his words.

"Did you say 'knocked up'?" The other two chimed with surprise.

Hidan weakly nodded his head, avoiding their eyes. Kakuzu was the first to respond. He stood up and made his way to Hidan with slow steps. Hidan gulped and prepared for the worst. He was shocked when pulled into a hug. He started to cry quietly now, burying his face in Kakuzu's neck as the latter ran his fingers through his hair. Hidan's sister smiled at the display then left quietly so as not to disturb. After awhile, Hidan calmed down enough to ask...

"Why?"

"Why what?" Kakuzu pulled back to look at Hidan's face.

"Aren't you pissed?" Now Kakuzu was the one to ask the question. Hidan answered, "A baby will be a waste of your precious money."

"I wouldn't say 'waste'…" Kakuzu frowned, "I've actually been thinking it would be nice to be a father..."

"Really?" Hidan hiccuped.

"Yes... this also explains your behavior and I must say that I didn't appreciate the emotional distress you've caused me."

"... Self-centered old bastard..." Hidan's scoff was interrupted by a laugh.

"Oi, I have the right to be self-centered after being denied sex for so long." Kakuzu gave an uncharacteristic pout, earning another laugh from Hidan.

"Kabuto said that the fetus isn't as vulnerable as an embryo so we should be okay..." Hidan mused then added, "But you can't be rough!"

"Why not?" Kakuzu frowned, bringing them over to the bed.

"If my heart stops, the baby's does too." He explained as his back hit the bed's comforters.

Kakuzu nodded thoughtfully then pulled down his mask, placing his lips to Hidan's. Heat flashed through Hidan and he moaned, eagerly parting his lips and clasping his hands together behind his partner's neck. Kakuzu was right; it had been far too long. The stitched man used the deep kiss to distract Hidan as he pulled down his pants and boxers. Now naked, Hidan gasped and Kakuzu switched from his lips to his jawline, then his neck, back to the jaw, and finally left a hickey on the collarbone. Hidan smirked, pulling up Kakuzu's shirt, carefully avoiding the four masks on his back.

"Let me undress you." Hidan panted, "You're always taking off my fucking clothes."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes but let Hidan sit up with him. Hidan pulled off the shirt and hood with one tug. He relished the sight of Kakuzu's exposed and scarred torso before he started on the pants. Surprisingly, Kakuzu was not wearing underwear. Hidan snickered at this while Kakuzu kicked off the remainder of clothing. His laughs were silence by another passionate kiss. Hidan sunk into the mattress, entangling his fingers in the long brown hair to anchor the hair's owner. Their heated members rubbed against each other, bringing a moan from them both.

The long kiss was finally broken and Hidan placed shorter, sloppier ones along Kakuzu's neck while the latter stroked him. He protested when Kakuzu paused, staring at the baby bump. Hidan watched with interest as his rough hand roamed along the stomach. It was like last night and Kakuzu could not stop his smile from showing. Hidan's hand soon joined his at the belly button. It would have lasted longer if it was not for the burning sensation from their unattended groins.

"Can you prep me first?"

Hidan flushed at having to ask however Kakuzu understood and gave a nod. He left Hidan for a moment, looking around the room. Hidan watched with amusement as he looked through the drawers.

"I usually keep Vaseline in the top drawer of that dresser." Kakuzu looked at him in surprise and Hidan explained, "Before I joined the Akatsuki this woman kept me hidden. This was the room I used. The Vaseline was used for colds though..."

"You can catch a cold?" Kakuzu drawled, digging through the mentioned drawer.

"Of course I can, you just don't care enough to take my temperature." Hidan scoffed as Kakuzu returned to the bed.

"That's not... never mind." Kakuzu growled, rubbing the contents of the jar on his member.

"Kakuzu..." Hidan looked into his eyes as he lined himself up.

"What now?" Kakuzu was impatient but paused.

"Once it's safe... Promise you'll fuck me raw." Hidan moaned out.

"Heh. I love you." Kakuzu laughed, thrusting in abruptly.

"Fuck!"

Kakuzu paused and looked up at Hidan. His face was contorted with pain, but he was grinning. Kakuzu took this as the sign to continue and so he pulled out to the head before pounding back in. Hidan cried out, returning his hands to Kakuzu's hair. Kakuzu pulled him as close to his body as allowed, still thrusting at a steady pace. Hidan had gotten tighter, much to Kakuzu's surprise and pleasure.

"Hidan, you ready?" Kakuzu managed to whisper in his ear.

"Ha-ah... More, Kuzu!" Hidan could not make sense of what his lover had whispered, to caught up in the passion.

Kakuzu sighed and slowed the pace of his thrusts, focusing more on pleasuring Hidan. Hidan bucked his hips back and up when Kakuzu went too slow. The latter moaned, biting Hidan's next as they reached their climax together. Hidan collapsed, too exhausted now to move. Kakuzu worried for a moment after his head had cleared. However at the sound of Hidan's snore, he pulled out easily and looked around the room. He climbed off the bed, picked Hidan up, pulled down the covers, and then placed Hidan under them.

He smiled a bit at the sight of Hidan sleeping so peacefully and grabbed a rag. Once they were cleaned, he crawled up next to his partner. He drifted off, arm around Hidan and his hand resting on his unborn child. Hidan had failed to mention they were having twins...

* * *

-huff- Okay, finished this specially for Ditkata. Also special thanks librarycat9... and KakuHidahearts...

I will be taking a short break from updating this while I work on some other stories. Such as Cheaper by the Dozen...

Also, has anyone noticed that the past few chapters start with:

_Phox: Yay! Chapter **Sixteen** brought to..._


	20. Deadline

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twenty brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, librarycat9, KakuHidahearts, VampirePrincesssofBlood, SuigetsuPhwoar, & FanGirlMania_-

Cat: Phox is going to be in this chapter.

Ares: Whoot!

Cat: That's a warning of mine own.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, Sasori X Deidara

–

Six days pass since Hidan revealed to Kakuzu they were expecting. Three months have passed since they had attended a meeting. Now the Akatsuki were all headed to Amegakure to discuss plans for the Jinchuuriki. Kakuzu and Hidan walked on in silence save an occasional complaint from Hidan. The difference was that when Hidan complained of being tired, Kakuzu actually let them stop. When he complained of hunger, Kakuzu actually let them eat what Hidan was craving. Thankfully it was never anything expensive. Hidan usually detested vegetables and begged for ribs but now that his tastes were altered he asked for vegetables and did not beg for ribs.

They arrived at the meeting place and found Konan, Phox, and Zetsu waiting at the center of the cave with Pain farther off to the side. He would not be able to hear the favor Phox will be asking of her and the other members. Kakuzu joined them, dragging Hidan with him. Hidan still had not forgiven Phox although he had given the details to Kakuzu; save the number of kids they were actually having. After all, something could happen and chances were that Hidan would lose the second child in the end anyways.

"So, Konan, do you think Pain will extend our deadline?" Phox questioned once Kakuzu and Hidan joined the throng.

"He has been thinking about it but he is impatient to get capture over with." Konan answered in an indifferent tone.

"He isn't gonna make us go after the beasts soon, is he?" Kakuzu asked, glancing down at Hidan or more precisely, his child.

"I still need a year before I am up to the hunt." Phox crossed her arms coolly.

"Is that the only reason you have?" Konan asked, not noticing Itachi and Kisame had arrived.

"There is that and the fact Kakuzu would probably like to spend time with his child once it's born in about six months." Kisame smirked at Hidan. The latter had not managed to inform the others he had already told Kakuzu and Phox had kept the information about the twins a secret. (Only Kabuto, Hidan, and herself know.)

"He has a point. I want to make sure the idiot doesn't end up like his mother." Kakuzu's response shocked the others but angered Hidan.

"Bastard! I told you I don't want to be a fucking mother. I'm the father too." he hissed.

"How will we know who our child is calling to then?" Kakuzu scoffed.

"You can do what Itachi and I do. Hametsuki calls me father and him daddy or dad." Kisame shrugged.

"Wait, hold up." Konan had caught up to them at last, "Are you saying Itachi and Hidan got pregnant?"

"That's exactly what we're saying and I'd appreciate if you'd keep that a secret from your boss." Phox gave her a warning glance and relaxed when she nodded.

"I understand... I will try and buy you some time then."

"Alright everyone, Sasori and Deidara have arrived." Pain's voice boomed.

"Thought you hated waiting." Kisame smirked.

"Deidara doesn't." Sasori glared.

"It wasn't just my fault, hm." Deidara returned the glare.

"Enough boys." Phox laughed.

"Shut up, Phox!" Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori snapped.

"Okay, fine. Sorry." Phox laughed nervously.

"If you're all quite finished..." Pain mumbled, "You have had three months to prepare for capturing Jinchuuriki and I do not wish to allow more time to be wasted."

"Sir, I'm afraid we are behind in financing." Kakuzu protested.

"I still haven't perfected my art, hm." Deidara added.

"Samehada wants more food."

"You're fucking retarded if you think I'm gonna go after these things without killing them. It's fucking blasphemy! I'll need time to do my rituals!" Hidan shouted.

"Hn." Itachi glared at Pain.

"How about we wait a few more years, Pain?" Konan hinted.

"Very well... three years..." Pain huffed, glaring at Sasori, he added, "I'm surprised you want to wait."

"I need more puppets." Sasori shrugged in mock apology.

"Well then it's settled. We will have three years for recuperation." Phox clapped her hands and showed a smug look.

"Yes..." Pain sighed in aggravation, "This meeting is now over."

–

Hidan, Deidara, Sasori, and Kakuzu all used the same path to get home so they took the time to socialize. Hidan and Deidara hung back and were whispering excitedly. Phox had said that Deidara would be the next in line after Hidan for the serum. First they had to make sure Hidan's birthing would be successful though. Sasori was asking Kakuzu if it was even worth it.

"I'm not sure if it's worth the mood swings and expenses." Kakuzu answered simply, "It hasn't been born yet."

"How much longer do you have to wait?" Sasori questioned.

"I'm not sure." Kakuzu stopped then turned to face Hidan, "How much longer?"

"We'll get there when we get there; quit fucking complaining." Hidan mocked.

"Bitch." Kakuzu grumbled under his breath then repeated, "When are you due?"

"Oh... um... I'm three months in so about... six more to go." Hidan shrugged.

"Nine months? Damn..." Sasori sighed as they continued walking.

They reached the fork in the road and parted ways and then the complaints began. Hidan and Kakuzu stopped at a tea house for a break and he only bought them tea. They left as soon as possible, got a few more miles in and then Hidan complained again.

"I'm tired..."

"We just stopped a few minutes ago!"

"Fuck you! We were only there for two minutes!" Hidan snapped, "Carry me."

"No."

"Oh, so you don't care about our child?" Hidan exclaimed.

"... Fine..." Kakuzu huffed, squatting down, "This is humiliating."

"Thanks Kuzu-chan!" Hidan purred, nuzzling the elder's neck before seductively whispering, "I'll ride you back at home too." Kakuzu flushed and picked up his pace.

When they arrived inside, however, Hidan went straight to sleep. Kakuzu glowered, marching off to the bathroom in order to take care of his little problem. It was not the first time nor would it be the last...

–

Lol, the piggyback and riding Kuzu was based off someone's pic on dA.

Sad that Hidan's too sleepy when Kuzu wants attention and Kuzu's busy when Hidan wants it returned... *shakes head* Poor guys...

Have you all checked out my other stories yet? It will give you something to do while you wait if you haven't read them already...


	21. Gender Bender

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twenty-One brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, librarycat9, & SuigetsuPhwoar _-

Gomi: Bwahaha! Remember Me?

Hidan: You sick bastard!  
Kakuzu: Where'd you put my masks, Hidan?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan & Orochimaru X Kabuto Hinting...

* * *

Hidan growled at Kakuzu, pinning him to the wall. Hidan was in another mood swing but this time there was a trigger Kakuzu had pulled. He had not meant to offend the carrier of his child, really. It was completely accidental...

–Flashback to Minutes Earlier...

"Mornin' Kuzu-chan." Hidan purred as Kakuzu entered the kitchen to find him eating ice cream for breakfast.

"Morning Hidan..." Kakuzu greeted, wrapping his arms around Hidan from behind, "How much of that have you eaten?"

"Two tubs, why?" Hidan asked as Kakuzu's hands started to roam his bump.

"You should try eating healthier." He began carelessly, "Once we find out our baby's gender, I have to go shopping for furniture." He shivered in obvious dislike, "It's a good thing you don't wear shirts or I'd have to buy you new clothes too."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean!" Hidan snapped suddenly, ripping himself from Kakuzu's embrace.

"Well, maternity clothes cost additional money that we'll be needing for-" Kakuzu was silenced when he got slammed against the wall, bringing them back to where we began...

"Who gives a fuck about the money? YOU! Who gives a fuck about our baby? ME! Who gives a fuck about me? NOONE!" Hidan screeched.

"That's not true Hida-"

"Shut the fuck up and let me finish, bastard!" Hidan snarled just as the door opened.

"Did we come at a bad time?" Phox smirked, watching the two with much amusement.  
"Hidan, all that stress is not good for the babies." Kabuto advised from her side.

"Did you say 'babies' as in... more than one?" Kakuzu managed as Hidan pulled back, frightened of when this day would come.

"Y-Yes... I m-meant to tell you that we're uh... having t-twins." Hidan looked down guiltily.

He jumped when Kakuzu suddenly fell to the floor, unconscious. He blinked several times in disbelief. His eyes then narrowed when a snake slithered away and over to Kabuto.

"What the fuck?"

"We couldn't risk having him go ape-shit on you." Phox shrugged as though it justified the action.

"We'll bring him with us to the check up and he should be fine by then." Kabuto added.

"'Should'?" Hidan blanched.

"Well... let's go find out the genders."

–

They arrived at the examination room and set Kakuzu on a chair. While waiting for him to come to, Hidan sat on the bed, nervous as he rubbed gel over his womb. He hoped Kakuzu would not be too mad. Then again, he was knocked out by Kabuto. Hidan burst into laughter suddenly. He never thought he would see the day Kakuzu collapses. His laughter ended with a sigh and he looked back over to Kakuzu to find him stirring.

"Morning, Kuzu." Hidan dipped his head.

"Hidan, what the hell happened? Where...?" Kakuzu trailed, looking around the room.

"You're in Orochimaru's hideout." Phox reentered the room, Kabuto in tow.

"What?" Kakuzu hurried to his feet, taking a defensive stance in front of Hidan.

"Calm down, Kuzu-chan." Hidan soothed, rubbing his face on his back, avoiding the masks. "They're just here to determine the gender. It's been sixteen fucking weeks."

"Gender of the baby... babies." Kakuzu's eye twitched at his own correction.

"Yeah, now go sit down." Kabuto separated the pair and eased Hidan to lie on the bed.

Kakuzu sat in the chair Phox pulled up to the bed. She then went to fetch the machine used to show the children. Kakuzu glared at the screen as a picture showed his twins. Hidan looked at the screen as well, appearing indifferent but he was really studying the monitor. Kabuto had helped him learn to 'read' them. He soon saw two heads and sighed sadly. Kakuzu may have been fine with one baby... but two was stretching it and stretching his belly.

"Oo. I see the boy." Kabuto grinned, keeping the scanner in one place.

"He gets the pedophilia from Orochi-san." Phox snickered.

"Wha-! I resent that, Phox and you know I like older men!" Kabuto whined.

"Then move the damned scanner." Kakuzu growled under his breath.

"Oh, right..." Kabuto laughed, then stopped it a little ways away, "Looks like there's a girl too."

"Ugh, great. So not looking forward to the puberty talk." Phox groaned, "Itachi and Kisame already made me promise to give it to little Ha-chan."

"I thought they had a boy." Kakuzu blinked.

"Nope. It's a girl. They just thought boy clothes and such suited her better." Hidan shrugged.

"Hm... I think I'll agree. It would be cheaper if the twins could share clothes..." Kakuzu trailed when the three gaped at him. "What?"

"You're okay with two brats? And you're already planning on paying for them?" Kabuto answered.

"You expect me to get rid of them? If they're anything like their dad... it will be impossible." He smirked at Hidan as he sat up, wiping off the gel.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hidan pouted as Kakuzu pulled him to his chest.

"Whatever you want it to mean." Kakuzu sighed.

–

Kakuzu and Hidan headed back to their home, the latter trailing behind. Kakuzu noticed this and slowed his pace. Once Hidan caught up to him, he pulled him into the trees. Hidan questioned this by raising a brow. Kakuzu leaned in, pulling Hidan towards him, their lips touching.

"What's on your mind?" He breathed.

"Um... well... How are we gonna get the fucking money?" Hidan managed around the sudden fog of lust clouding his mind.

"How do you think?" Kakuzu smirked, hands starting to roam.

"I refuse to sleep with anyone but you." Hidan laughed.

"I suppose that's a good thing..." Kakuzu trailed, thinking back to that moment roughly sixteen... weeks... ago... "How long did you say you've been pregnant?"

"Sixteen weeks, why?" Hidan tilted his head to the side.

"... Just... wondering. We'll go on more bounty hunts with the others to raise the money."

* * *

Kakuzu just realized the kids might not be his. He'll more than likely be stressed until he finds out...

Poor Hidan. xD Poor Kakuzu. xD


	22. A Heartless Monster

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twenty-Two brought to you by~ -_Ditkata, librarycat9, Holly Jolly Rape, FanGirlMania, I Like to Stalk You, EvilPeach, & SuigetsuPhwoar _-

Bobbay: Sorry for the delay.

Ashley: I am on hiatus.

Bobbay: We just thought we ought to reward you though since this was half way done before the hiatus.

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan, Kisame X Itachi, & Sasori X Deidara

* * *

Three weeks after Hidan's last check-up finds the duo out with Deidara and Itachi for a week. Kisame insisted Itachi take a break from caring for Hametsuki; it was not easy, but Hidan and Deidara eventually managed to drag him out with Sasori's help. The toddler had already taken its first steps and could turn a few pages in a book. Kakuzu had been kind enough (after much complaining and 'bitching' from three ukes) to let them stay in a hotel with the bedroom separated from the main room which had two beds. Kakuzu, despite being generous enough to cave to their demands, got stuck on the couch when he suggested Itachi and Deidara share a bed.

–Earlier...

"You just want girl-on-girl porn, don't you, BASTARD!" Hidan screeched, flying into one of his moods while said 'girls' cowered on aforementioned bed.

"Wah? No! I didn't—Hidan, put that down! I only have two hearts left!" Kakuzu cried as his lover reached for the triple-bladed scythe.

"Wonder how he lost the other three..." Deidara whispered to Itachi.

"You say something, bitch?" Hidan directed his attention to them, scythe being held back by Kakuzu.

"No." Itachi replied calmly.

"Guh! I'm losing my fucking mind, Kuzu! I coulda sworn that bitch said something!" He whined, turning back to Kakuzu, "What the hell you doing with my scythe?"

"You threw it at him after he suggested Uchiha and I share the other bed, hm." Deidara offered, none too helpfully for the miser.

"To prevent bloodshed perhaps Itachi should get one bed, Deidara and I share the other, and you can just sleep on the fucking couch, bastard!" Hidan huffed, slamming the bedroom door in Kakuzu's face.

"Harsh, hm." Deidara giggled, earning a weak glare.

Hidan sighed after a moment then plopped on the bed, careful of his large belly. He glanced at Deidara when the blonde shifted the mattress but then returned his gaze to the ceiling a moment later. Itachi turned off the lights, letting black swallow the room. Hidan soon heard his comrades' breathing slow as they drifted off easily enough. He sat up, got out of bed, crept out of the room, and found Kakuzu sitting up on the couch as he studied the bounty information. He gave a pout and joined the miser on the couch, cuddling into Kakuzu's side.

"My tummy hurts." He whined.

"What do you want?" Kakuzu sighed, putting his papers down.

"You." Hidan mumbled, burying his face in the elder's shirt.

Kakuzu smirked then began to ease Hidan's back to the couch. His tongue brushed Hidan's lower lip, begging for entry. His moan granted it, arms wrapped around his neck. Once they broke apart, Kakuzu's tongue roamed south. He skipped over the babies, not wanting them to know... although how could they? He paused when his partner let out a whimper and moved away when he moved an arm over the bump.

"Are you okay?" Kakuzu questioned.

"My stomach just feels kinda weird... Can we just cuddle?" Hidan pleaded, nuzzling Kakuzu's heated skin.

"Again?" Kakuzu whined, sitting back up so Hidan could curl up in his lap.

Morning arrived and Itachi awoke with a jolt. He nearly had a heart attack when he did not hear his child crying for breakfast. Deidara's sudden snore reminded him where he was a moment later, somewhat slowing his rapid heartbeat. He walked over to the bed, not surprised by Hidan's absence. He gave a smirk then pushed the blonde off the bed.

"Ow. What the fuck, hm!" Deidara snapped, jumping to his feet.

"Morning." Itachi spoke without revealing any sign of the joy he had felt at hearing Deidara hit the wooden floor.

Deidara grumbled under his breath, following Itachi into the main room. He restrained his laugh when he saw Kakuzu asleep on the couch with Hidan sprawled on top of his seme. Their hands were entwined over the baby bump which rose and fell with every breath. Itachi wondered which wake up method would be safest for both him and the unborn twins.

"Kakuzu..." He gently shook the elder, hoping he would not spring up after being woken.

"Mn, what the fuck do you want, weasel?" Kakuzu growled, cracking an eye open to glare at the other.

"It's morning." He replied simply.

Kakuzu grunted and sat up, holding Hidan close as he did. Once their hands had separated, Hidan woke up, yawning loudly.

"Can I go home, Kuzu-chan?" He whined.

"What? Why?" Kakuzu gaped.

"Because I'm too fucking tired to keep up." Hidan huffed.

"He has a point..." Itachi murmured, "I can escort him home while you and Deidara finish the mission, Kakuzu."

"... Fine but Kisame said he's not letting you in until I get back." Kakuzu reminded him, packing up his paper work.

Kakuzu paused only to give Hidan a five minute kiss goodbye. It took awhile for Itachi and Deidara to pry them apart but they finally succeeded. Itachi and Hidan reached the cave and waited for Kakuzu to return. Days passed and he soon returned to find Hidan napping on the couch. He sighed and entered the kitchen to dismiss Itachi. The Uchiha bowed his head then quickly departed, eager to return to his family. Kakuzu returned to the living room and shook Hidan awake.

"Fuckin' stop'it, 'Tachi." He mumbled, rolling up to glare at Kakuzu. "Oh, it's just you, bastard."

"What do you mean, 'just you, bastard'?" Kakuzu scoffed, picking Hidan up so he could sit on the sofa.

"You left me for a whole fucking week." He pouted.

"You were the one that wanted to go home." He growled.

"..." Hidan suddenly slid out of his slouch, hand darting to his stomach.

"Hidan?" The addressee's eyes suddenly went wide.

"It kicked."

Kakuzu rose a brow as Hidan brought his tan hand to the womb. After awhile of feeling nothing, something bumped his palm. Kakuzu smirked and placed his other hand near Hidan's.

"This is one of our kids..." He spoke in soft awe.

"Yeah..." Hidan beamed.

"What if they don't like me though?" Kakuzu fretted.

"What the fuck do you mean?" Hidan snapped moodily.

"I'm a monster..." Kakuzu shrugged and a hard kick was delivered by one of the kids, earning a wince from their dad.

"Just shut up, I think you look just fine and so will they." Hidan sighed, suddenly exhausted, "Just look at Hametsuki and Kisame..."

"..."

-Flashback-

Kakuzu and Deidara had infiltrated their target's home and had killed the man. However Kakuzu could sense another ninja from a room towards the back and left Deidara to clean up. He opened the door to the bedroom to find a woman defending a child. The second she noticed him, she attacked. Kakuzu had no trouble disposing of her and looked into the cradle. It saw his face and began to cry. Kakuzu showed no emotion as he dug the kunai through it's tiny heart. It would have died without parents anyways.

-End Flashback-

'_Who could kill a child so young and not be called a monster...?_' He thought as he carried his pregnant partner to their bed.

* * *

I will be going on hiatus. Simply because, not only is school going to soon start, but because I have been wrapped up in the video game world once more. I have been playing my games more than I have been using my laptop. I am sorry for any inconvenience and I will try and update when I can.

I wish there was more KakuHida for me to read. :(


	23. Immortality

Four weeks passed and Kabuto declared both twins were healthy and had a fifty percent chance at survival. Kakuzu did not know about their kids' chance had been lower and found himself glad he had not been too rough to Hidan. They had hardly anything to do since Hidan grounded Kakuzu to stay by his side twenty-four seven. Sure they had some good nights when the pregnant man found he was not too exhausted for some messing around. Those nights still were not as satisfying as either of them wished since the baby bump made positioning a bit difficult. Itachi and Kisame helped them out eventually.

Hidan would complain about his size which had increased to where he was able to wear Kakuzu's pants. If Kakuzu would suggest training, however, Hidan would go 'psycho-bitch', as Kisame and Sasori called it, on him and say Kakuzu had said he was fat. Then he would lock himself in their room for a few hours or until Kakuzu breaks the door down. Aside from all the household damage, things were plain and uneventful. Now the couple sat on the loveseat, Kakuzu flipping through the mini-mission reports for the bounties he assigned the other members and Hidan sleeping, head rested in the elder's lap and arms wrapped around his stomach.

Once Kakuzu reached the last report from Kisame and Itachi, his eyes widened a bit. Kisame had gone in alone and come back fairly beaten but alive and successful. He made a note to visit them after Hidan wakes up. He would not dare try and wake him early again after nearly losing his last heart the previous attempt. He shivered at the memory and set the papers on the table. He glanced down at Hidan, face blank as he placed a large hand over one of his partner's. He felt a kick and found himself smiling. The smile vanished when the memorable sight of the deceased infant flashed in his head.

'I wonder if our children will get his immortality...' He thought sadly then gently prodded Hidan awake, expecting a rage from that action.

"Hmn?" Hidan blinked a few times then sat up rubbing his eyes as though he could sense the serious atmosphere, "What's wrong, Kuzu? Better have a good fucking excuse for waking me."

"Tell me about Jashin."

Hidan's eyes became impossibly wide and his jaw dropped in complete disbelief. His mouth closed a moment later with Kakuzu's help. Hidan blinked to clear his questions and sat up straighter.

"What do you want to know?"

"... Will our kids be immortal?" Hidan blinked, thinking for a moment before answering.

"No. Not until they convert. Although if both parents are followers he might make the children immortal." Hidan shrugged.

"... I see..." Kakuzu slouched a bit, "What do you do to convert?"

"Ritual." he sounded a bit reluctant to give details.

"What kind?" he prodded.

"You and another have to stab each other in the heart with this sword while a priest says some stuff. One lives, the other dies. The strongest one usually lives." Hidan mumbled, "Are you planning to convert?"

"... It's me or our kids..." Kakuzu sighed.

"There's another ritual I can do but we would need to visit the fucking temple." Hidan huffed as though the idea would be troublesome.

"A safer one?" Kakuzu laughed, hopeful.

"Unfortunately. Also pretty damn embarrassing." He grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Kakuzu asked, curious now.

"We have to... um... well... get married... in a way..." Hidan blushed now.

"... No."

"What?" Hidan's eyes widened, "Why the fuck not? Don't you fucking love me, bastard?"

"Rings and weddings are expensive. No way we'll be able to afford it _and_ the kids." Kakuzu backed up, defensive.

"... What the fuck kind of wedding are you talking about?" Hidan deadpanned.

"What kind of wedding are _you_ talking about?" Kakuzu shot back.

"A simple Jashinist wedding which involves fucking your partner in front of a high priest and at least one witness." He explained.

"... Oh. Then sure. Let's get married..." He smirked; he did not mind having someone watching.

"Oddest proposal in my entire life but this is the only one I'll say 'FUCK YEAH!' to." Hidan laughed, lunging himself at Kakuzu. "Thanks, Kuzu-chan. This means a lot to me; I've always wanted you to fucking convert!"

"Don't remind me." Kakuzu sighed morosely, pulling Hidan into a kiss then pulled away, "Wait... How many men have proposed to you?"

"Aw, is Kuzu-chan _jealous_?" Hidan said the last word in the most seductive tone he could manage.

"... Of course I am." He gave an uncharacteristic pout before nibbling at Hidan's neck, "Now answer me."

"T-Three including you. The rest were all a bunch of Mary-s and Sue-s." Hidan bit back a moan.

"Hm... And you declined all of them?" Kakuzu's nips started to get lower.

"All but yours..." He placed a hand on his partner's head as it reached the baby bump.

"Good..."

His eyes shut and he moved his head to the side, listening to the creatures in his fiance's stomach. After a moment, Hidan gave his hair an impatient tug and Kakuzu began to pull down Hidan's (formerly Kakuzu's) pants. He was already fairly hard since their last night of fun was roughly five days ago. A moan sounded as Kakuzu wrapped his hand around Hidan's shaft. He leaned back a bit as he felt something wet tap his tip. Kakuzu wasted no time in taking as much of Hidan in him as he could. His threads leaked out the slits on his cheek, tickling Hidan's thighs.

"Mn, more!" He cried, tugging Kakuzu's hair.

He rolled his eyes and pulled off, replacing his mouth with his hand. He leaned over Hidan, pressing their foreheads together until his small partner bit down on his shoulder. This muffled his cry of pleasure from the climax. He unlatched his teeth in order to kiss Kakuzu, loving the attention. He whined when the elder pulled away, taking in the sight of his naked form.

"Stop looking at me, bastard." Hidan pouted, a bit unnerved when his body was so out of shape.

"I would if I could but you're just too hot." He chuckled darkly.

"F-Fuck, you know how fucking corny and gay that sounded?" Hidan panted when he was pulled on top of Kakuzu.

"Newsflash; we're both men... even if you are pregnant." Kakuzu smirked, running his hands along Hidan's sides.

His body shuddered at the gentle touch and crouched over Kakuzu, feeling the tip brush his entrance. Kakuzu helped him down, loving Hidan's moan when he had impaled himself. Kakuzu smirked, letting Hidan start out. Itachi said that Hidan should not be on his back but it would be fine if he was on top. Moans filled the room as their pace increased. After they climaxed, Hidan rolled off, panting next to Kakuzu.

"Guh... Can't believe I have to go to the fucking temple looking like this." He pouted, poking his bump.

"Oh hush. That's really starting to annoy me. I... love... you..." Kakuzu slowed on the last two words, noticing Hidan was already asleep.

"Mn... Kuzu..."

* * *

Sorry for the delay and the dull ending. Just finished this and couldn't resist putting it up since everything is going so slow lately...

I have also finished part one on Growing Up so feel free to check it out daily.


	24. Relax, We'll Do Fine

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twenty-Four brought to you by~ -_ALL OF YOU_-

Bobbay: Sorry for the delay.

Ashley: I have been busy with other stories.

Bobbay: We forgot to add this thingy in the last chapter but oh well. We're lazy. Enjoy this filler...

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

Hidan yawned loudly, dragging his feet. He had been leading Kakuzu to his old village before they head for the temple. Kakuzu had stayed at his side, supporting him whilst feeling guilty for not giving Hidan a moment to rest. However it was the other male that refused to rest after they left the hideout early in the morning after the proposal. That was two days ago and now Kakuzu was desperate to get Hidan to rest.

"Hidan." He sighed, spinning around to face and stop the other, "We are going to rest now because..." He paused to think of a plausible reason for the bearer of his children, "I am starting to get tired."

"Tch! Why didn't you say so in the first place, fucker?" Hidan scoffed, heading off path, "There's this one small, cheap inn nearby." He shouted over his shoulder.

Kakuzu blinked in surprise; Hidan knew where something _cheap_ was? He followed anyways, helping Hidan any time he stumbled in the underbrush. He was definitely tired but why he was being so stubborn about admitting it, Kakuzu did not know. He always made it a point to argue and whine about a place to rest or eat. Soon enough a building showed through the trees. In front of it where numerous hot springs which Hidan walked past without admiring it like Kakuzu had.

"Welcome, Jashinist." A doorman greeted.

Hidan gave a slight nod but ignored him past that as he headed for the front desk. He waited for Kakuzu to catch up. The miser had been admiring the dark decorations. Hidan elbowed him to gain his attention as a woman approached the desk. She was very pretty with short gray hair and bright red eyes. She wore a tight fitting shirt that helped draw attention to her fair sized bust.

"Welcome back Hidan." She smiled sweetly, "Is it just me or have you let yourself go?"

"It's just you." He growled, making her jump a bit.

"R-Right. So how many rooms and for what reason are you staying?" She glanced at Kakuzu.

"Just tired and hungry. One room, one bed. No questions asked although I do ask for privacy and a sacrifice." Kakuzu had never seen Hidan act so... cool and in command.

"Right... hot spring too?" She reached behind her to grab a key with a Jashinist symbol etched on it.

"Kakuzu?" Hidan glanced at him and he shrugged, "Yes, hot spring."

Kakuzu waited to hear how much money Hidan was going to waste but the lady stayed silent. Instead, Hidan reached into a pouch he kept at his side and pulled out some strange coins. Not even the banker recognized them as actual currency but the woman took four of the coins with the Jashinist symbol on the back and handed him the key. Kakuzu was then pulled towards one of the hallways way in the back and into the last room. The minute the door closed Hidan let out a huge yawn and plopped down on the double sized bed.

"FUCK I'M TIRED~!" He whined, flopping around on the bed earning a 'WTF' look from his partner as he pulled off his cloak.

"Hidan... what is this place?" He asked, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"An inn, dipshit." Hidan rolled his eyes but sat up when he got a glare from the elder, "It's a safe place for Jashinists. They have a few scattered around in case one of us needs assistance." He snuggled up next to Kakuzu now, yawning again. "I'm gonna get us some fucking food."

Kakuzu watched him get back out of bed and walk over to a nearby desk. He picked up a scroll and unraveled it. He took out another Jashinist coin and placed it in the center before writing something on it and having it vanish in a puff of smoke. He grinned then took of his cloak, letting it join Kakuzu's on the floor. Despite having a visible bump he still insisted on going around shirtless. Not that Kakuzu would dare tell him to put on a shirt; he had to admit that Hidan's new figure was actually attractive to him.

Hidan placed a hand over the bump, self-conscious now that his lover was staring. Kakuzu beckoned him over with a hand and he walked to Kakuzu's side. He sat up in bed and ran a hand over Hidan's stomach, thinking.

"They can hear us, you know." He murmured, pressing his lips near Hidan's naval. "Ever since around the eighteenth week..."

"... Eighteenth?" Hidan hiccuped, recalling their engagement night.

"We should start thinking of names." Kakuzu murmured, glancing up at Hidan.

"Eh? Since when did you decide you get to pick a name, bastard?" Hidan scoffed.

"Since you decided to keep the kids and inform me." He sighed, pulling away from Hidan.

"Tch. You can help with the naming." Hidan gave a pouty look to which Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"We're having twins so how about you name one and I name the other?" He suggested.

"... Fine." Hidan huffed, "but I wanna name the boy!"

"Hell no." Kakuzu growled.

"Fuck you." He snapped just as someone knocked on the door. "Who the fuck is it?" He shouted, storming over to the door.

"I brought your food, Hidan-sama."

Hidan blinked then opened the door. Kakuzu did not get to see the figure as he closed the door, two large plates in his grasp. The stitched man watched Hidan walk carefully across the room and place one on his lap before joining him on the bed. He had ordered liver and various other sides for Kakuzu while he had gotten ribs, peanut butter, pickles, and a few carrots. Up until he got pregnant and started getting his cravings, Hidan despised vegetables. They ate in silence for once and it worried Kakuzu.  
"Are you nervous, Hidan?" He inquired, not looking up from his food.

"Mm." That was a yes.

"About the ceremony or...?" He finally glanced at him and wished he had not. Hidan had barbeque sauce smeared on his face as he usually did when eating ribs. Kakuzu found the childish behavior attractive, especially when his mind began to wander.

"Do you honestly think we can handle two lives on top of our own?" He mumbled, munching on a pickle.

"Hm... If we make an effort." Kakuzu shrugged. "It'll be fine, Hidan-chan."

"Promise?" Hidan yawned again, his food nearly finished.

"Hidan. I'm willing to convert for you and our kids. I highly doubt I intend for things to go awry." Kakuzu scoffed, setting his plate on the bedside table, finishing at the same time as Hidan.

"Tch." He stretched, squirming when he felt a kick, "These little bastards have been getting rowdy..."

"Come here."

Hidan glanced at Kakuzu as the elder spread his legs and crawled to sit between them. His back was pressed against Kakuzu's torso and two strong arms wrapped around his midsection. He rested his head on Hidan's shoulder as his hands roamed the stomach.

"Settle down you two. Your dad is trying to relax." He murmured, breath unintentionally sending a shiver down Hidan's back.

"Yeah, and your father just wants to get in my pants." He smirked, closing his eyes to relax.

"Maybe, maybe not." Kakuzu laughed, placing a kiss on Hidan's neck.

"Horny bastard."

"... Something tells me that's going to be their first word..."

* * *

Yes... that or fuck.

Anyways. I will be trying to updating as often as possible and I thank you all for your patience and support.

School will be resuming for me sometime next week so... yeah... xD


	25. Blunt News

Phox: Yay! Chapter Twenty-Five brought to you by~ -_ALL OF YOU _(so many of you lovely people that make this possible)-

Bobbay: Sorry for the delay.

Ashley: Quit apologizing... that's always been my thing.

Bobbay: But I am you... sorta... a part of you at least...

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

* * *

They finally arrived at the almighty temple but there was no one there. Hidan groaned and threw down his scythe in aggravation. Kakuzu watched calmly, from a safe distance, as the aggravation turned to a violent tantrum which left Hidan exhausted. He hopped down from the tree and landed next to the zealot. He was sitting on the steps, glaring at nothing.

"... What now?" Kakuzu dared to ask.

"We go to the village and I say 'hi' to my aunt." Hidan grumbled, holding up his hand.

"You have an aunt?" He questioned, helping his fiance to his feet.

"Yes, I have an aunt that happens to be the priestess once I left to help a certain bastard in this shitty organization." He replied tersely.

"If you are going to keep this up I will be happy to leave." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Wha-? No! Don't leave me standing at the fucking altar, bastard!" Hidan cried, clinging to him.

"... Of course I won't, idiot." He sighed, petting the smaller man's head, "Now where does your aunt live."

"Zhe billuj." Hidan mumbled into the cloth.

"What?" He pulled Hidan's hair to get him to look at him.

"I said 'The village.' Now let go of my hair. It hurts!" He snapped.

"So we're going to your old village after you slaughtered all your neighbors?" He smirked, grabbing onto his hand now.

"Yep. Gimme your hood and find something else to hide your mouth."

Kakuzu scoffed but did as he was told, tossing the gray fabric to Hidan. He took off his headband and shoved it in his pocket before pulling a handkerchief from it instead. He tied it around his mouth and then looked to find Hidan buttoning up his cloak all the way, already wearing the hood which hid his eyes.

"Lead me in 'cause I can't see a damned thing." He ordered. "I hate that my eyes are so fucking unique. Why couldn't they be blue or something, damnit?"

"... I like your eyes though..." Kakuzu frowned, taking his hand again.

Now Hidan knew why Kakuzu loved wearing his hood. The elder could not see his reddened face. They left his scythe at the temple then carried on to Yugakure. Since it was now a peaceful tourist trap they did not have to worry about security. Kakuzu only worried that Hidan would go on a rampage again and blow their cover. He paused near the edge of town and tilted the hood back a bit so he could look around. He then pointed out a small house and told Kakuzu to take him there.

Kakuzu knocked on the door and waited for an answer, squeezing Hidan's hand a few times. They rarely ever held hands since they first became a couple. He was always for the intimidating image and saw affection to be weak. He glanced down at his partner to find him staring straight ahead. He gave a small smile and then looked down at where the baby bump was. It was not too noticeable with the cloak on yet at the 28th week but if one would look hard enough they could see it. He was stirred from his thoughts when Hidan pounded on the door, clearly impatient.

"Oi! Bitch, hurry up and open up for your dearest nephew!" He shouted.

"You're my only nephew." A young, feminine voice replied as the knob turned.

The door opened to reveal a woman around Hidan's age with the same shade of hair as her nephew only it was braided down to her waist. She was only wearing a simple shirt and pants yet Kakuzu could not see any hint of a bust. His staring lasted long enough for the woman to notice and he earned a slap.

"Ow. What the fuck was that for?" He hissed, rubbing his head as Hidan pulled him inside.

"Quit staring you pervert." She replied.

"What's there to stare at!" The words left his mouth without much thought and it earned him another, harder, hit to the head.

"Yeah... my family's women hardly have anything up there." Hidan shrugged, still holding Kakuzu's hand.

"... And the men hardly have anything down there from what I could see from your father." She huffed.

"... Hidan isn't that small..." Kakuzu frowned, glancing at him.

"NOT EVERYONE CAN HAVE YOUR FUCKING COCK, BASTARD!" Hidan snapped, taking offense to the remark.

"Leave my cock out of this, dumbass." He retorted.

"... I never thought you'd actually find someone, Hidan." His aunt said suddenly, eying their hands.

"Yeah, yeah. So what if I rejected everyone. They just weren't good enough." He shrugged, forgetting about Kakuzu for a moment. "This guy here though... has agreed to marry me and convert... sorta."

"'Sorta'?" They echoed.

"Kakuzu's a complete heathen but I don't want him to die before me. He agreed to do this so I wouldn't lose him." He lied.

"Oh. Well, how about you tell me more at the temple? I was just staying here until someone visited. It's so lonely up there, ya know."

"Yeah, I know. Part of the reason I volunteered to be priest." Hidan scoffed.

"What made you leave?" She asked.

"... Dunno... felt like something was out there calling to me, ya know?"

His reply earned a nod and the trio continued on in silence. Once they were out of the village he pulled down the hood and slicked his greasy hair back into place. They arrived back at the temple and Kakuzu retrieved Hidan's scythe. The temple was a dark place that even radiated a dark aura but to Hidan and his aunt it felt relieving. They walked straight past the chapel and into a room in the back. It had a bed, a table with chairs, and a dresser. Hidan's aunt sent them to the table and she left them for a moment, returning with three cups of red wine.

"So, your name is Kakuzu..." She mused, sipping the liquid. "Why do you hide your face? Do you have a deformity?"

"... You could say that." Kakuzu mumbled, earning a light hit from Hidan.

"There's nothing wrong with his fucking face. It's sexy as hell, damnit." He huffed.

"Really?" She smirked, eying Kakuzu with her vivid red eyes. "Take off the mask then, handsome."

At this point Kakuzu was burning. Hidan had given him a compliment while also putting him in an embarrassing situation. He wondered, as he reached for the cloth, if the woman would forbid her nephew from marrying a freak such as himself. He never really worried about his appearance as much as he was now. The only time he really worried was when Hidan first saw him exposed.

"Wow. That musta hurt like a bitch." She gaped.

"I know, right?" Hidan grinned, "You'll get to see all his other stitches during the ceremony too."

"Oo~ I can't wait." She grinned.

Kakuzu hid his embarrassment by sipping his wine. By now, only Hidan's was untouched. His aunt watched him curiously as he told her stories about his adventures since he had left the temple. He said how abusive Kakuzu was and how good he was in bed, and even gave details of the time he had lost his virginity. By the time he finished, only his wine was left.

"Hidan..." She blinked, "You love red wine yet you haven't even touched it. Is something wrong?"

"Er..."

"He's just trying to cut back since the last time he got drunk and nearly killed me." Kakuzu lied for him.

"Er... well..." Hidan thanked Kakuzu with a glance but then told him, "She'll figure it out during the ceremony anyway so might as well tell her now."

"... Oh. Okay then." He shrugged then turned his attention back to his aunt, "Your only nephew is currently carrying my twins."

* * *

xD Wow... blunt, no?

Oh, and _librarycat9 _wanted to see a picture of Hidan from the last chapter when he had BBQ sauce on him. I made one and I think you'd like it. It can be found on deviantart with the username catbleu. Let me know if you need help finding it and I will help you as best as I can.

You could also just search for recent KakuHida pics if you hurry. -shrug-

Anyways, hope you liked this chapter. I have decided on what the twins will look like and might put up a picture after they are born in this here story.

Also: I just HAD to add in the wedding for a story involving pregnancy. I come from a Mormon family (no, we don't believe in having more than one wife/husband) so I strongly believe in no sex until after marriage. Of course, since same-sex marriage isn't legal around the country I might never get to see a wedding day so... meh. I also don't believe in drugs or alcohol. Also, it's sorta old-fashioned that a man take responsibility should he knock a girl up and Kakuzu is old... Anyways, feel free to disregard my rambling; I have yet to fall asleep and it is 7 am.

Dlknfldmfs;b MOTHER FUCKING MOTH! GET THE HELL OFF MY LAPTOP, BITCH! I'M GOING TO SOO SACRIFICE YOUR ASS!

… ew... bug guts in my speakers... good thing they don't work anyways... Now to wait for the other one...

Oh and: I've also just reread this story and found things have been... I dunno. Point is; I'm hoping to finish one of my many unfinished stories soon so I can focus/move on with this stuff...


	26. The Ceremony

"This... is much better then a tuxedo..."

"Fuck yeah!"

Hidan's aunt's reaction was rather surprising for Kakuzu. She squealed, hugged Hidan and then hit Kakuzu, cursing at him for not marrying her nephew sooner. Now they were undressing for the ritual and pulling on black robes until the 'wedding' begins. Hidan's aunt left them to grab a witness other than herself but she would not reveal who until after. They glanced at one another for a brief moment then headed for a dark, candle-lit room. There were numerous symbols on the walls and floor with a single red candle at each triangle point.

"Where...?"

Kakuzu trailed when Hidan head for the center of the empty room, sitting in the middle of a diagram. He joined him after a moment and they waited. Neither could look at the other for long, both still feeling a bit odd. Kakuzu had swore time and time again that he would not convert yet here he sat with Hidan in a temple of Jashin. Hidan just could not believe he had found someone willing to marry him that he and his aunt agreed upon.

"Alright you two, stand up." She had entered, dressed in a dark red cloak, her face veiled by shadow.

They stood and watched her walk to a slight platform in front of them. She pulled a scroll from her sleeve then unraveled it on the floor between them and herself. There were numerous Jashinist symbols printed on it, some covered by a bloody hand-print. Those hands had names scribbled just under the symbol. Kakuzu easily spotted Hidan's towards the end of bloodied symbols.

"This is similar to a summoning scroll only more blood and it grants your immortality so you may serve Jashin-sama." The priestess explained, holding a knife out to him. "Coat your hand and press it besides your lover's."

Kakuzu obeyed with a slight frown; '_Let the self mutilation begin._' He watched his blood start to pool then spread it before kneeling down. Hidan watched him press his hand on a symbol and closed his eyes. He heard a pained exclamation and knew that Kakuzu had been accepted by Jashin. The elder winced, holding his now-burnt hand close to him as his name appeared on the scroll. He got to his feet as the woman raveled the scroll again, tucking it back in her cloak.

"Hidan, your turn." She took the knife from Kakuzu, handing it instead to her nephew.

He gave a brief nod and hid his excitement as he sliced his own hand. He tossed the knife back then grabbed the wrist of Kakuzu's injured hand. He laced their bloodied fingers together in silence, magenta eyes trained on green. Kakuzu expected another burn but instead his hand was healed. He glanced over to find the woman retreating slowly.

"In the name of Jashin, I hereby wed Kakuzu and Hidan." She closed her eyes, bowed her head, and then winked at Hidan as she made her leave.

"Now what...?" Kakuzu was still looking to where she left when Hidan pulled him to the ground.

"Now _the_ ceremony." Hidan purred sliding his cloak from his shoulders.

Kakuzu felt his skin heat and eagerly dropped his own cloak. He pulled Hidan to rest on his burning erection and felt his newly-wed husband give a pleasurable shiver. Kakuzu ran one hand along his spine and soon occupied their mouths with a passionate kiss. Hidan drew blood and so they broke apart for a moment before he lapped up the blood and resumed their kiss. Brown locks tangled around pale fingers and they moaned together. Both were equally impatient as per usual and neither wasted time in fondling the other. Hidan nuzzled Kakuzu's neck while the latter's free hand brushed against their twins' current room. Hidan paused and sat back a bit, holding the tan hand on his stretched stomach.

"Do you think we can do this?" He bit his lip when a finger brushed his entrance.

"Hmm... We'll have Kisame and Itachi to turn to. I'm just worried they won't..." Kakuzu sighed as two fingers made their way in his uke. "Be afraid of me. I am a monster after all."

"Tch. Again with tha-ah-at crap? Hidan huffed and nipped Kakuzu's collar bone, "If they do have a problem with you, I can still tear the little bastards limb from limb." He scoffed then blinked as a kick was felt.

"I don't think they agree with that plan, love." Kakuzu smirked, withdrawing his fingers.

"Hmph. Just hurry up and fuck me. And no more talking, damnit." Hidan snapped before impaling himself on Kakuzu's now fully erected member.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes once he recovered from the sudden pleasure and rested his hands on Hidan's hips. He let Hidan do most of the work for the time being, helping him a few times when he took to long to go back down on him. He wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's neck and began to become more vocal than before. Kakuzu smirked and took over, quickly flipping him onto his hands and knees, and then sinking his teeth into Hidan's shoulders hard enough to draw blood. Later he would learn that the blood shed was necessary for their ceremony. However all he could think of at that moment was Hidan and his approaching climax.

Hidan protested with shock when Kakuzu slipped out and made him sit up. Kakuzu licked his lips then lent over his erection. He smirked up at the younger male, taking hold of him before placing the moist head into his mouth. Hidan gasped slightly, throwing his head back with a loud moan. Kakuzu took it further in, fondling the other male's scrotum with his hand. Once the tip neared the back if his throat he pulled back a bit only to swallow him again soon after. Hidan was breathing heavier now, trying to hold back his noises.

Kakuzu stopped just before Hidan could reach his climax which earned a glare from the younger. Kakuzu smiled in mock apology then pulled Hidan back into his lap and onto his aching erection. It only took a few thrusts at his prostate before they both came, crying out their partner's name, embracing each other as much as they could in their suddenly exhausted state. Kakuzu flopped down on his back, catching his breath while Hidan began to pull himself off. He stroked Kakuzu's scarred cheek and they exchanged a final kiss before the doors burst open.

"That was so FUCKING HOT!" Hidan and Kakuzu jumped at the females' squeals.

"Auntie!" Hidan whined, pulling his cloak over himself as Phox, the high priestess, and Konan entered the room.

"What are you two doing here?" Kakuzu grumbled, glaring lightly at the two female Akatsuki members.

"When I heard about your engagement, I just had to come. Konan wanted to come too. That and we need to discuss plans for the future..." Phox explained, glancing down at Hidan's somewhat exposed bump. "Three years with your kids won't be enough for them or you. You can't stay in the Akatsuki after they've grown if you hope for them to have a bright future."

"I agree with Phox." The other two women nodded.

"You have three weeks before I send Zetsu to escort you." She turned towards the door, "Now get dressed and get home."

–

They took three days to return home with Hidan's need of rest and food. They were not expecting what greeted them upon entering their cavernous home. Hametsuki sat on their living room floor, staring up at them with unblinking eyes. They jumped when they heard a snore from their couch and they saw Kisame fast asleep on it, a rattle in his hand. Kakuzu went to his side then prodded him until he awoke with a start.

"What are you doing here?" He asked while Hidan sat down near Hametsuki, watching her stand.

"Itachi wanted to visit his old village and I wouldn't let him go alone. He's waiting for me after I hand Ha-chan over to you guys. I'm also to pass along a threat should you two inflict any harm on our little guppy." He held a note out to Kakuzu, gave his daughter a quick kiss, and then vanished with a puff of smoke.

"... Itachi... can be very creative and descriptive..." Kakuzu gulped, reading the death threat and then flipped the paper over to see notes for Hidan, "Says the baby stuff is in our room and he asked why we haven't got Deidara to make a new room for the twins yet."

"We'll need to do that before the bitch gets knocked up." Hidan replied, glaring lightly when Hametsuki stumbled her way into his lap.

"I'll go get him. Stay here." Kakuzu set the note on the table and headed for the door.

"Hurry back, bastard. I can't take care of this thing by myself."

* * *

Been awhile, ne? Well. They're finally married and if it wasn't for school and 'Growing Up' this would go so much faster now that there's no smut... (for a long while).

Thanks everyone for the support. *wink*


	27. Babysitting

Hidan sighed and picked the toddler up, heading for the kitchen. The little girl squirmed in his arms, crying out. Hidan scowled then set her down. Once he stepped away she made a motion of brushing herself off. She stuck her tongue out at him and then walked out of the kitchen to his bedroom. He followed close behind, arms crossed. On his bed lay a few bags and Hidan snorted.

"Just how long do your parents plan on being away?" He scoffed while she climbed up the bed.

"Two weeks." The fifteen month old replied, pulling a book from a bag.

"... Does that book have any pictures?" Hidan asked, moving the bags to the floor so he could sit on the bed.

"Three per chapter." She crawled back into his lap and opened it. "Read."

"Hell no." Hidan huffed, earning a glare, "You don't scare me."

"I'll scweam."

"You'll what?"

She started to scream, as promised. He slapped his hand over her mouth and growled. She returned it then bit his hand. He ripped his hand from her mouth and she shoved the chapter book in his hands. She grinned triumphantly when he opened it to the marked page.

"Fuck... What are your parents trying to do? Make you into a super-genius by age three?"

"Can't read?" She sighed and took the book from him.

Kakuzu returned home with Deidara by sundown and found Hametsuki sitting on the couch with Hidan laying on the floor at her feet. She was reading, unaware that he had fallen asleep. She climbed down when she spotted Kakuzu and clamped onto his leg.

"Your hubby's stupid." She pouted.

"Yes but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it." He sighed, picking her up.

"Not everyone can be as smart as an Uchiha." Deidara spat.

"Not Uchiha. Hoshigaki." Hametsuki corrected.

"That's right, you're part shark, part weasel." Kakuzu smirked, setting her on the floor in order to pick Hidan up.

"Fishies." The toddler giggled, sending a glare in Deidara's direction.

Kakuzu picked Hidan up and motioned for the artist to follow him. Itachi and Kisame's toddler followed in the rear. Kakuzu paused and pointed out where the bomber should work and the continued to the bedroom to deposit his deep-sleeping lover. He ran a hand over his children until Hametsuki pulled his pant leg. He sighed and looked at her.

"Hungwy~." She whined.

–

"Daddy... Daddy?"

I groaned, rolling over in my bed. I sat up when I did not see Kakuzu lying next to me. I looked around and my eyes met an identical pair. It was a small boy with magenta eyes and silver hair like myself. I tilted my head; he had tan skin like Kakuzu's.

"Daddy, where's father?" The child asked.

"He's in the kitchen." I replied absentmindedly.

"No he's not. Father's gone."

I sighed and picked him up, letting him nuzzle close to me. We headed for the living room to find a girl crying. I stopped; she was covered in blood, Kakuzu's blood. I almost dropped the boy. She turned her magenta eyes on me, grinning.

"Look daddy. My first sacrifice."

"K-Kakuzu..." My lip quivered and I fell to my knees by my husband's corpse.

"Cool!" The boy laughed, tugging on his hair.

"Kakuzu!"

–

"Hidan... Hidan..."

Hidan awoke with a start, tears streaming down his face. Kakuzu started, sitting on the bed at his side. He had come back to the bedroom after putting the toddler to bed to find Hidan tossing, turning, and crying his name—not in the good way. He patted Hidan's head, holding him close. Silence stretched aside from Hidan's frantic sobs and Kakuzu's soothing sounds. And then...

BOOM!

"Waaaah!"

"... Fuck..."

Hidan sniffled, hiding a laugh as Kakuzu groaned. He kissed his shoulder before the elder crawled out of bed, picking the toddler up from the crib Itachi and Kisame brought over. He grumbled under his breath about just having put her to sleep, bouncing her in his arms. The door opened and Deidara popped his head in, covered in debris.

"You have a new bedroom for the little ones, hm." He snickered.

"Yeah, thanks a lot. I just got her quiet." Kakuzu seethed. Hidan laughed out loud now. "Hey, you'll have to deal with it too, Hidan."

"Yeah, and don't forget you're having twins, un." Deidara laughed, barely escaping the room with his life.

"Twins..." Hidan and Kakuzu mused, the Hoshigaki toddler was quiet now.

"Twins of two criminals who kill for a living." Hidan sighed, recalling his nightmare.

"What's so wrong with that?" Kakuzu chuckled, "There are plenty of villains with kids."

"Name seventeen." He deadpanned.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Yeah, but still. What the fuck are we supposed to do when they get older? The little bastards will be out in the world and where the fuck will we be?" He turned to Kakuzu, "Still slaughtering in the Akatsuki? In prison? Buried?"

"... Are you alright? You're being ridiculous." He scoffed, "They'll be fine, we'll be fine. We're Jashinists."

…

"Kakuzu, are _you_ feeling alright?" Hidan smiled, placing a hand to his forehead. "... But you're right. We have Lord Jashin to look over us."

"There, that's my Hidan." He returned the smile and readjusted Hametsuki whom had fallen asleep, "Now cheer up. We have a kid to take care of for two weeks."

"... After that, we should go shopping." Kakuzu paled, "Or we could throw a baby shower and get shit for free."

"'Free'?" He perked up.

–

Two weeks went by fairly fast and Hametsuki had succeeded in ticking Hidan off one times too many. Kisame and Itachi entered the cave, impatient to get their daughter back home. They heard crashes and curses from the kitchen and went running. Kakuzu was sitting at the table reading a paper, completely oblivious to the havoc his partner was causing. Hametsuki was biting his arm, refusing to let go.

"Get the fuck off of me, bitch!" He screeched.

"Hidan... stress isn't good for the babies." Kisame frowned while Itachi's Sharingan flickered to life.

"Hurt my baby and I hurt yours." He growled, easily making his daughter release Hidan.

"IT hurt ME first!"

"Don't be so immature, Hidan." Kakuzu spoke up from the table, "Soon you'll have to help set an example."

"Your poor, poor children..."

* * *

Guh... I realize this is just a filler and I apologize. Believe me, I am impatient to reach Hidan's labor. But that's weeks away. :( After I finish Growing Up (if) I shall work to finish this. Then I'll try and finish other projects. If there are any unfinished stories you want to see finished, let me know. I'll see which to finish first. I'll go make a poll now.


	28. Baby Shower

Four days after Itachi and Kisame took Hametsuki back home, Kakuzu and Hidan were becoming restless. Both were having nightmares but of two completely different things. Hidan's were of his children and Kakuzu while the latter's were of financial problems. He had sneaked out one night and scoped the prices at the stores finding just one kid would be a hassle on his paycheck. Of course, when money is involved, Kakuzu is well-known for overreacting.

On the fifth morning, both awoke in a cold sweat. The younger reached out to his side until he found two pulses and then sighed in relief. Kakuzu rolled out of bed after he felt his lover reassure himself and then ran to his safe. Behind him he heard a yawn and his partner headed into the kitchen. He counted all his money and followed after. Hidan was sitting on the couch, cuddling a body pillow which Itachi had given him. He growled; that pillow had easily replaced him but it did allow him to sneak out every night to go bounty hunting.

"What do you want this morning?" Kakuzu asked, heading into the kitchen.

"Liver." He nearly tripped when he heard that.

"Are you sure?" Liver was _his_ favorite while Hidan much so disliked it.

"Of course I'm fucking sure, bastard!" He snapped, entering the kitchen as well, cradling the pillow.

"Alright then." Kakuzu rolled his eyes then pulled his liver from the fridge. He was trying to save it for a night when Hidan would be arranging that baby shower with Deidara and Itachi. "I hope you know I love you."

"No, really?" He replied sarcastically, "I'm just keeping your babies 'cause I have no fucking choice."

"Um... Phox didn't give you a choice, if I recall..." Kakuzu spoke quietly but was heard.

"Fuck you!" He snapped, "You think I don't want these things growing inside me?"

"You've told me time and time again you hate me for putting you in such a situation." He sighed, sitting at the table next to him.

"Bullshit!" He huffed, "I want these kids. Only if you're by my side the whole fucking time though, bastard."

"How long has it been since you've called me by name or pet name?" Kakuzu mused aloud before escaping Hidan's wrath and retrieving the liver.

"Do you think I'm fat?" Hidan pouted once the elder had returned.

"Er... no. What brought this on all of a sudden?" He sighed, setting the plate in front of him.

"Then do you not find me attractive?" He sounded pretty serious now.

"Of course not." He froze; he had not been paying attention, eying Hidan's surprisingly attractive baby bump.

"So you are cheating on me!" He screeched, throwing his spoon at Kakuzu.

"What? No, Hidan, I wasn't- Wait... why the fuck would you think I'm cheating on you?" He cowered behind a chair.

"Shut the fuck up! What's his name, huh? Or is it a fucking bitch?"

"Hidan, stress isn't good for the babies." Kakuzu fretted now for not only his own safety, but his twins and their dad's as well.

"Who gives a fuck! Why would I want some snot nosed bastards with some lying old cheat?" Hidan was crying now. He had never seen the mood swings this bad before.

"Hidan... I'm not cheating, I'm not lying, and I really _do_ find you attractive." He sighed, taking cautious steps over to him.

"Bullshit..." He muttered weakly, sniffling, "Why else would you leave me all alone every fu-fucking night?"

"You... knew about that?" He frowned.

"So you are-"

"No, I'm not cheating on you." He sighed, pulling him into a tight embrace, "I'm just going out for late night bounties."

"Why? Don't we have enough? What about the shitty baby shower?" He said, secretly inhaling Kakuzu's smell.

"You know how paranoid I am with my money, Hidan." He laughed once, rubbing Hidan's back.

"Tch... well no more leaving without telling me." He paused, "After all, that pillow ain't electric. It's fucking freezing in these caves."

"It is?" He pulled away.

"Yeah. Itachi and Kisame are worried 'cause their little bitch keeps getting the sniffles. You haven't given them enough fucking money for extra blankets. They usually have to bring her into their bed in order keep warm. It is the middle of the winter after all." He scowled, "And did you know that Uchiha has stretch marks?"

"... No... I didn't know..." Was all he was able to say in response before his lover dozed off.

–

Two days later the Akatsuki gathered in the Immortal Duo's living room. This excluded Tobi, Zetsu, and Pain but included Kabuto. Kisame had Hametsuki clinging to his neck, both of them waiting at the door, waiting for Kakuzu and Sasori to join them. They would be leaving the ukes alone for this event. After Sasori kissed a now-pregnant Deidara good-bye, they departed.

"I wish Kakuzu would kiss me as much as Sasori kisses you, bitch." Hidan pouted, "And in public." He interrupted Itachi whom was about to contradict him.

"Well, you've seen his face, hm." Deidara rolled his eyes and Hidan growled at the blonde whom stupidly continued, "I wonder if the babies will get them too, un." He ignored Itachi's (miniscule and indifferent) warning to stop, "Or if they'll be afraid of him, hm?"

"Shut the fuck up already!" Hidan snapped, "Don't you think Kakuzu isn't already worrying about that shit?"

"... You're right... sorry, un." He spoke quietly, finally taking the Uchiha's advice as he sent a red glare to the blonde bomber. "So, games, gifts, or refreshments first, un?" He paused, "I just traveled from the desert... hm. Refreshments it is."

Itachi rolled his eyes as Deidara practically skipped into the kitchen. Hidan was eying the gifts placed in the center of living room. Kabuto and Phox were in deep discussion in the corner of the room. After a moment's hesitation, he joined them.

"So that's when the due date is?" Phox mused.

"Yes, would you like for me to set up a place in my room for the children?" He whispered.

"You're giving their kids to him?" Itachi frowned.

"Not permanently. Just until the children have been examined and studied." Phox replied.

"'Studied?'"

"They are supposed to be immortal. My master wants that immortality." Kabuto explained.

"Good luck getting them to agree." Itachi sniffed, turning back as Deidara arrived with a bunch of baby bottles.

"What the fuck, Dei?" Hidan scrutinized the liquid in the bottles.

"Refreshments. You get to keep the bottles for the babies after we drink the juice, yeah." Deidara informed, handing Hidan a bottle with red liquid in it.

"This isn't wine, is it?"

"Of course not, hm."

"Damn..."

–

After the baby shower ended and the semes returned, Hidan and Kakuzu were given a good amount of items for their twins. The artistic duo had provided two wooden cribs and figurines (that _may_ not explode) for the children. Itachi gave them some of Hametsuki's old clothes and she had given them her first book which had ten chapters. Konan had given them diapers she had bought and other such things while Zetsu, after popping in, offered to grow them some baby food. Hidan declined, strangling Kakuzu in order to get him to also decline. Kabuto had simply offered free check ups and babysitting. They canceled on the babysitting, already having one in mind as they glared at Phox.

–

"Kakuzu... Kabuto said the babies should be arriving sometime next month..."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you worried?"

"Are you?"

"No. They'll be strong. There's no need to worry, right?"

"I can tell you're still worried."

"Hidan, I'm not worried about the babies..."

* * *

Kukuku, worrisome Zombie parents... what fun~

Sorry it's been awhile, huh?

I send Thanks to all my reviewers.


	29. Silence and Plans

The day after the baby shower, Zetsu returned to the Immortal duo's home. Hidan and Kakuzu followed him to his and Phox's base. In their basement, Konan, Kisame, Itachi, Hametsuki, and Sasori waited. They gathered in a circle and Zetsu left them to babysit Tobi.

"Now that most of us are here," Phox appeared from the shadows, "We need to find a way to fake our deaths so that you all can properly raise your children. Chances are there will be many close calls once we pursue the Jinchuuriki. I'm not too worried for Kakuzu and Hidan although the rest of you; especially Itachi, will be difficult." She paused as Hidan raised his hand, "This isn't the academy, Hidan..."

"Who the fuck is gonna watch our children after we fake our deaths? It will be awhile before we can actually return to them while we're off chasing Jinchuuriki or putting up a show of chasing them."

"Wow... you really do have a brain..." Konan blinked, "I'll be taking care of them with Phox and possibly Kabuto or Orochimaru's help."

"Where will we stay after we get our babies back?" Kakuzu asked.

"My secret village, of course." Phox rolled her eyes, "Anymore dumb questions?"

"When will we know to fake our deaths or how?" Kisame questioned.

"Simple. I shall tell or signal you." She explained.

"If we don't get this signal?"

"Then I suppose you die and leave your poor brats behind." Phox laughed, making Hametsuki cry.

"Bitch."

–

35 weeks into Hidan's pregnancy, he was sitting up in bed, waiting for Kakuzu to finish his dinner when his children started to squirm more than usual. Hidan frowned, rubbing his stomach as he tried to relax. They stopped just before Kakuzu came back in. He rose a brow at Hidan's expression then joined him on the bed.

"Babies were just moving a bit much." He explained, leaning on his partner.

"Kabuto said he would be doing the c-section soon..." His partner murmured, rubbing his own hand over Hidan's swollen belly.

Just then, they heard the boulder to their home move. Kakuzu sighed and got up to great their guest, leaving his head gear behind. He was unsurprised to find Kisame, Sasori, and their loved ones there as they had been stopping by quite often. He was surprised to find Orochimaru there though. Kabuto, whom had been living with them since a week after the shower, had apparently left with Phox to fetch him as he was the best medic they had.

"You're doing the cesarean so soon?" Kakuzu blinked.

"Yes. We thought it best to get both twins out now." Orochimaru explained, brushing past him.

"It's not even been nine months." He frowned, hurrying after.

"Close enough." Kabuto shrugged, leading the others to Hidan and Kakuzu's room.

The Akatsuki remained outside the room whilst Orochimaru and Kabuto started the operation. Kakuzu stubbornly refused to leave the pair alone with his husband and stayed by his side. He stood at the bedside as Orochimaru pulled out a scalpel.

"You like pain, right?" He asked, placing the blade above his newly acquired room.

"Just get it over with, snake." Hidan huffed, placing his hands behind his head.

Outside, Itachi covered Hametsuki's ears as Hidan began to curse. Kisame and Sasori snickered while Deidara paled, clutching his own stomach. Kakuzu watched, hiding a snicker, as Hidan complained about being cut open. He usually had no problem when he practically shredded the immortal's entrails. He wondered then if it was because he was pregnant that his tolerance for pain had been taken from him by Jashin.

Only once Kabuto nudged Kakuzu and pointed out Hidan's new organ did he break from his thoughts. He swallowed bile as Orochimaru carefully made another incision in said organ. Hidan had already placed a pillow over his head. Out came a child and Orochimaru asked if Kakuzu wanted to cut the crying child's umbilical cord. He nodded, and did so before Kabuto led him and his child to a cleaning station he had set up. Eventually, Hidan removed the pillow and took a deep breath before asking about the child.

"It's the girl, Hidan-chan." Kakuzu answered his barely audible question.

"And here comes the baby boy." Orochimaru smirked when both parents—and Kabuto—sent him a glare.

"Eh? Is it out yet?" Hidan asked impatiently, again hiding his face.

"It's out but..."

–

"Why isn't the baby crying. Surely they got them both out by now?" Itachi fretted, holding Hametsuki close to him.

"We heard one already and it's quieted..." Kisame said, staring at the closed door.

"Do you think there was a problem?" Sasori inquired.

"Oh, poor Hidan-chan, hm." Deidara sighed, leaning on his danna for support.

The four adults watched until the door opened. Orochimaru was quiet and expressionless as he made his leave. Inside, Kabuto gave a small bow and headed for the hall. He ushered the crowd back and told them to give the new family time alone. He said nothing more and hurried after his master.

–

"Oi, we need to think of some fucking names." Hidan drawled, cradling his newborn daughter.

"I can't remember which one we-"

"I wanna name the girl Shikari." He interrupted Kakuzu whom was cradling their quiet son.

"Fine. I guess I'll call him Moku since he's silent." The elder said, looking down at his bundle.

"Moku-Moku~!" Hidan sang out with a laugh, "I like it."

"Hidan..." Kakuzu shook his head then sat on the bed.

"What?"

"I love you."

"Tch. Really?" he rolled his eyes, sarcastic and then smiled, "I love ya too. Now hand Moku over, damnit."

"Yeah, yeah."

After they had traded children, they called the others in. Hametsuki clung to her father, trying to peer over the bed and look at the babies. Itachi and the other adults—save Sasori—sighed in relief once they realized both infants were alive.

"What's their names?" Deidara demanded, holding a hand out to Moku.

"Boy is Moku and the girl's Shikari."

"'Moku' as in 'Mokumoku'?" Hametsuki wondered, recalling all the times her dad had begged her to be silent.

"Yeah, he didn't cry or anything when he came out. Kabuto thought he was a stillborn until I cleaned him off and he pulled on my cheek stitch." Kakuzu smirked, pointing to a loosened string.

"Aww. That's so cute, hm." Deidara swooned.

"Don't mind him, it's his hormones." Sasori assured the others.

"Well boys... congratulations."

* * *

Yay! They're born at last! *head slams on pillow*

Oh, and I will be putting up a colored picture of the twins and their parents on my deviantart account. (catbleu is my username). You can find a link on my profile.

The next chapter will be smut and my last before I put this story idea on Hiatus. Once the Hiatus is complete, we move on to part two so stay tuned~!

I will also change the title some point during my Hiatus.

I might make the part two chapters longer too.

Don't forget that there are other stories you can check out until I finish the hiatus!

Thank you all for your generous support and I am sorry I did not get to thank you all properly.


	30. Ew, Babies

Thank y'all for the support. Here's the long (or not so long) awaited Chapter 30, post labor sex scene. : D

Also, if you have free time, perhaps you could check out the poll on my profile. I'm thinking of doing something like a monthly poll... xD

* * *

Phox ushered the rest of the Akatsuki out of Hidan and Kakuzu's home and waited for them to all leave before she approached the immortals. She ignored the glare Hidan sent her and took Shikari from Kakuzu. She held the thing at arms length, her eyes scanning it's teary-eyed face.

"Ugh. Babies are so gross..." She frowned.

"Then give her back." Kakuzu growled, holding his arms out.

"If you guys need a babysitter at anytime..." She handed Shikari back to Kakuzu, "I recommend Sasori or Itachi. They're closer than I am."

"Not to mention more trustworthy." Hidan murmured under his breath.

–

After Phox left, Kakuzu and Hidan left their room to put the twins in their cribs. As soon as Moku hit the pillow, he was out like a light. His sister followed soon after Kakuzu and Hidan had blown out the candles. They returned to their bedroom in silence, neither unsure of what was to come next. Hidan went to the bathroom to check his appearance whilst Kakuzu started for the bed, pulling off most of his clothes. He waited impatiently for Hidan to join him.

"Eight months without serious injury nor sacrifice..." Hidan mused, straddling Kakuzu, "I want you to hurt me bad tonight, Kuzu."

"Like I'd have it any other way."

Kakuzu smirked, running his hand along his husband's sides, making sure his nails made contact with skin along the way. Hidan made a pleasured noise then bent down to bite Kakuzu's cheek string. The elder's hand reached his gray hair and tugged, meshing their lips together. It did not take long for them to spill each others' blood in the process. They sat up now, growing impatient. Before Kakuzu could pull off his boxers, Hidan rolled out a bed, searching for a stashed weapon. He handed a kunai to Kakuzu then returned to the bed laying spread-eagle.

The elder rolled his eyes but brought the knife to Hidan's neck, directly below his jaw. He lightly trailed the tip south, pausing over his heart to draw a heart shape above where it beat. He pulled off Hidan's pants, not wanting to ruin them when they would have to pay for the twins' clothes already. His name was written on his husband's hip and he used the kunai to retrace it. He knew Hidan wanted more pain but threw the knife away, letting his tongue follow the shallow marks it had left. The blood pooled on his tongue and he returned to Hidan's erect member, letting the warm liquid flow onto the tip.

"You're getting my cock all messy..." Hidan panted, tangling his finger's in his husband's hair.

"Do you want me to clean it?" Kakuzu smirked, letting his mouth be lowered.

"Jashin-damnit!" He gasped as that mouth wrapped around his arousal.

Kakuzu closed his eyes, moving his hand up to play with Hidan's scrotum. He allowed Hidan to buck his hips occasionally. He made a swallowing motion every time the head hit the back of his throat. He pulled off after awhile, sliding his tongue where he could with his hands as back up. An especially loud moan caused Kakuzu to stop, pulling away to smirk down at his flushing lover.

"What do you want me to do now?" He whispered against his neck, pressing down on the smaller man's groin.

"Fucking fuck me." He growled in response, raising his hips to increase the pressure.

"Fucking make me." Kakuzu breathed, replacing his hand with his own, clothed, groin.

"Cruel heathen bastard..."

The old man chuckled when Hidan looked away, reaching his hand into his boxers to pull out his aching member. As he positioned himself, he felt Hidan's arms and legs wrap around him. Kakuzu knew he was waiting for impact. He pushed in as fast as possible without hurting himself. Hidan, on the other hand, cried out in pain, digging his nails into his partner's back. A single curse flowed from his mouth as Kakuzu began to pull out. He was not going to leave that tight space so soon though and slammed back in.

Hidan was surprised when that single thrust had hit his prostate with such ease. His arms dropped from Kakuzu's back and he gripped the bloodied covers. Kakuzu continued to aim for that spot, digging his nails into Hidan's hips as he thrust. He was beginning to become affected, bringing their faces closer as his thrusts became more urgent. Hidan gasped out suddenly, biting Kakuzu's shoulder as his orgasm overcame him. The other was surprised when that bite brought him over the edge himself and released with a moan, thrusting as far inside as he could.

Slowly, Hidan's teeth unlatched from the tan skin and his head hit the pillow in exhaustion. Kakuzu sat up as he withdrew, sitting back on his haunches. He watched his partner's eyes slide shut and plopped down by his side. He pulled Hidan to him and began to drift off. Before he could completely sleep though, he was awoken by crying. His eyes shot open and narrowed. He grit his teeth in anger and released his rousing lover. He pulled on his cloak and stomped to the nursery, soon followed by an equally pissed Hidan.

They were greeted by two pairs of brilliant blue eyes and silence. Moku was smirking while Shikari sniffled, reaching up as her dad approached. He glared down at her but the child was unaffected. The same went for Moku whom reached up for his father's cheeks once more.

"GO TO BED JASHIN-DAMNIT!" They both shouted.

Shikari blinked and her lip started to quiver. Moku covered his ears, wincing. Hidan sighed, plucking his daughter from her crib and bringing her to his naked torso. Immediately she started to nuzzle him, searching for her dad's milk (rooting). Once he realized this he held her at arm's length, telling Kakuzu to prepare their bottles. He grumbled under his breath but obeyed, taking Moku with them to the kitchen. He handed the boy to their dad while he went to pull out their bottles. Kisame had shown Sasori and Kakuzu how to make the formula milk when the ukes held the baby shower.

"Tch. Hurry the fuck up, they won't stop fucking squirming." Hidan snapped, struggling to hold the writhing twins, "They weren't even this active in the womb..."

"Yeah, yeah." Kakuzu rolled his eyes, taking Moku after he had set down the bottles.

They both sat down, cradling their infants while they suckled on the bottles' nipples. While he watched her drink, Hidan wondered if he would have been able to feed her milk with the bottle. He snickered at the thought and banished it. There was no way a man could make milk. Potion or not... (I think this is a lie. : D Potion at least can do wonders~!)

* * *

Ooo~ This was fairly short... Sorry if the ending grossed you out. XD

It was a thought put into my head by that damned Peter from Family Guy. This is from an episode I watched years ago... *shakes head*

Well, I am possibly going to update the next chapters at a slower pace and make them longer. At least the pregnancy bit is over...

…

…

…

Or is it? : D

Who has read; "'Cheaper by the Dozen' My Ass"? *evil laughter ensues*

Oh, and about the breastfeeding:

The phenomenon of **male lactation** in humans has become more common in recent years due to the use of medications that stimulate (often by inhibiting dopamine) a man's mammary glands. The increasing presence of xenoestrogens may also play a role, interfering with the hormonal system of males. In ordinary circumstances, there is so little mammary tissue that it is unnoticeable; if the male breasts develop visibly, the condition is called gynecomastia.

Though the mammary glands of human males do not produce milk automatically under normal conditions, with anti-cancer chemotherapy medications—mimicking that which human females produce naturally when they become pregnant and give birth—they can.

So says Wikipedia...


	31. Passing Time

After the twins were fed, the immortal duo returned them to their room. Hidan yawned, pulling the covers over Moku as Kakuzu blew out the candles. They too returned to their room, cleaning off for a brief moment before curling up in bed together. When they woke up next, it was because someone had knocked on their door. Hidan's eye twitched and he got out of bed, kicking Kakuzu in the process. He threw on the elder's cloak and opened their bedroom door.

"What the fuck do you want, Itachi?" Hidan grumbled.

"Rough night?" The raven smirked, leaning on a wall.

"Who is it, Hidan?" Kakuzu yawned, sitting up in bed.

"Just Itachi."

"Phox wanted to know if you would be willing to leave your twins for a quick sacrifice."

"Fuck yeah. See ya later, Kuzu."

Itachi was caught off guard by the zealot's eager behavior. He still felt uneasy leaving his daughter with Kisame for even a moment. Hidan marched down to his twins' door and checked on them. Oddly enough, they were still sleeping soundly. He reunited with Itachi at the exit, grabbing his scythe on the way. By the time they had reached the forest, Kakuzu had been called to the nursery by his daughter's cries.

"What's wrong, Shikari?" He sighed, scooping her up in his arms.

He had spoken aloud despite the fact the baby could not respond. She was still crying as well. He sighed, looking over to Moku. He was watching intently. The way the child looked at him sent a chill down his spine; it was as though he could understand everything.

"What should I do?" He asked, approaching the wooden crib.

The child held up its little arms, wriggling around. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and scooped him up too. He sat down with them on the couch in the living room, one resting on each leg. When he started to bounce one of his legs, Shikari stopped crying.

"Hm... what else do you two brats like...?"

–

Hidan returned hours after a few successful sacrifices to a silent home. The quiet unnerved him though he could not place why. He suspected it was because his babies were not crying. He considered they would be sleeping yet his feet took him to the nursery. Kakuzu was changing Moku's diaper while his threads bound Shikari to his back as though she was one of his hearts.

"You look like you enjoyed your day..." Hidan murmured, wrapping his arms around his partner's waist; his head next to Shikari whom started to play with his hair.

"It wasn't so bad..." He shrugged, lifting Moku up as he finished.

–

Five months passed and the immortal duo focused on raising their twins together. At some point, Hidan needed to take Kakuzu out for a sacrifice of his own now that he converted. While he was showing the elder the ropes, the rest of their Akatsuki friends watched the twins. Afterwords, they duo took turns going out for a sacrifice. Their life in the bedroom was not as great as before the pregnancy but better and more frequent than during those eight months.

At the beginning of the sixth month, Kakuzu finally found time to return to his paper work. His family resting on the bed behind him. He caught all the finances up with current times and groaned. They were running low on money. He glanced behind them, watching Hidan alternate the bottle of milk between their kids. They had not spent much money—really just for groceries—but when totaled with the rest of the Akatsuki's expenses with so many work-free months...

"Hidan." Hidan looked up while the twins looked around, searching for the source of their father's voice, "We need to get back to work. If we don't we'll get behind."

"Tch. I still don't understand what our organization does with all the fucking money we get."

"It goes to the village, you moron." Kakuzu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "So I'll keep you home with the kids for bounty hunts and I'll stay for anything below that. Kisame and Sasori might have to get back to work as well..." Kakuzu started drumming his fingers on the desk as he planned, "Deidara and Itachi can't go on missions..."

"Why the fuck not?" Hidan scoffed.

"Deidara is close to giving birth and Itachi is too protective of his daughter." He explained.

"Tch. What about me? You think I don't want to protect our babies?" Hidan growled, "He only has one. We have two little pricks."

"Hidan..." He sighed, shaking his head to clear the aggravation surfacing, "We both know you aren't as protective of our kids as Itachi is of his toddler."

"That's another thing. That bitch is almost two years old now." He huffed, "It's twenty-one months old. Moku and Shikari are almost five months."

"Hidan. Please stop bitching already. You're pissing me off."

"Fuck you."

Kakuzu stood up then, glaring down at Hidan. His partner glared back, his expression more cocky. He was challenging him. Kakuzu accepted the challenge, threads slipping out of his skin, crawling towards Hidan. When Shikari started to cry, the Jashinist came to his senses, blocking his temperamental partner's attack with his own body. His blood dripped onto the twins whom huddled together, only one crying.

"Hidan, take them to bed before I lose my temper further." Kakuzu growled, withdrawing his threads.

He obeyed, pulling them into his arms and hurrying to the nursery. He placed them both in their cribs which had been pushed together. He made sure they were face up before rushing back to his bedroom. The moment he entered, Kakuzu dragged him towards him with the intent to kill. Hidan fought back, nipping and slashing at the strings that had forced him against the wall.  
"Fuck... that hurts..." Hidan grinned maniacally, "But you're holding back."

"I don't want to bloody our room with funds so low." Kakuzu drawled, starting to pull him back out of the room.

"Ack! W-Where are you taking me now, bastard?"

"Torture chamber." He smirked, throwing him into said 'chamber'.

Hidan was freed from his binds but only for a moment. Kakuzu locked the door behind them and headed straight for the chains. He fastened Hidan on the wall and smirked sadistically.

"Now you stay here until I think you've had enough." Kakuzu whispered in his ear, purposefully seducing his partner.

"No. No. No! Not this shit again!" Hidan cried as his erection grew, "You're a cold-hearted bastard!" He whined as his lover left him alone, heading for a bed to watch Hidan's torture. He made sure to cover the spikes protruding from the mattress before laying on it.

"Don't worry. I might fix it..." He yawned, closing his eyes, "After a long nap..."

"Motherfucking heathenish miser!"

After awhile, Hidan's whimpering quieted and Kakuzu opened an eye. He saw his head bowed in defeat and stood to release him. His head rose as he heard his sadistic partner approach and murmured a beg for release. Kakuzu smirked, spreading his husband's legs with his knee. He started to nip Hidan's neck as he rubbed his crotch. He struggled against his restraints as his climax neared, trying to lift his legs so they would wrap around Kakuzu and keep him in place. He pulled his face away from Hidan's as he made their groins touch. The contact sent a jolt through Hidan and he reclaimed those lips, biting every now and then to get a taste of blood.

"A-Almost... Kuzu~." Hidan panted, bucking his hips. "Shit."

Their breaths quickened and Kakuzu used his arms to pull Hidan closer. The zealot moaned his loudest, his pants becoming stained first. Shortly after, Kakuzu followed.

"Damn... now we'll need to buy new clothes for ourselves..."

–

Hidan woke up besides Kakuzu, confused about his surroundings. The bed was not their large fluffy one in their room. He sat up and saw the numerous torture devices. He was still covered in blood, sweat, and come from all their fun. He sighed in bliss, recalling that fun. They had not had such a night since...

"Shit."

Hidan leaped out of bed, startling Kakuzu. Before the old banker could question or stop him, he had disappeared upstairs. When he had swiped the key from Kakuzu, the elder knew not. He stumbled after him, into the nursery. Shikari had woken up the moment her parents entered and was already back to crying her eyes out. Hidan hurried over and held her close to his bloodied chest. He bounced her in his arms, whispering soothing words to her.

Kakuzu followed his example, picking up a groggy and slightly bloodied Moku. He wondered why both the twins were stained but then recalled last night. He had lost his temper... He stopped bouncing Moku, his heart twisting. He knew having kids would be a bad idea. If Hidan were not immortal, Kakuzu would have killed him long before now...

"You okay, Kuzu?" Hidan had noticed his partner's unease.

"Last night..." He frowned.

"Don't worry about it." Hidan scoffed, "No big deal. I saw it coming." He shrugged.

"I could have killed them..."

"Kakuzu-"

"I need to-"

"Kakuzu!" Hidan snapped, making Shikari start crying again, "Shit..."

"Let me take her..." Kakuzu sighed, passing Moku to his husband with his threads whilst being passed Shikari. "They need a bath."

"We need one too." He huffed, shaking his head to get his slightly bloodied hair out of his face, "Fucking gross."

They headed for the bathroom and Kakuzu left Hidan to hold both twins while he drew the water. Shikari was still crying and Hidan attempted to quiet her, shushing and patting her as best he could with only the one arm holding her. Moku turned his head to watch his father test the water. He deemed the bath a fair temperature and pulled off his shirt before taking one of his kids and placing them in the tub. Shikari joined Moku and Hidan began to wash off the blood.

By the time the bath was over, both parents had been fairly soaked as well. They wrapped the babies in towels and went to put them in their cribs before taking their own baths. When missions resume, both would be having trouble...

–

"Kara Ana, this is your end."

"I don't understand!"

Kakuzu was on a mission, hunting down a woman worth quite a bit of money. He had managed to corner her in her own house. She was fairly large, no doubt pregnant, which made Kakuzu feel a bit odd. Behind her was a small child, cowering.

"You are worth lots of money." Kakuzu explained, stepping forward.

"Y-You can't kill me! I have a child to care for." She pleaded.

"You should have thought about that before you became a wanted shinobi."

His threads made their way towards her. He did not relish her death, nor her child's. He buried the child, considering sending a prayer to Jashin but that was more his partner's thing. He dropped the body at the exchange point in the fire country, sighing once he was re-insured the woman was indeed pregnant. He was given extra for that and hurried home.

He arrived to find Hidan throwing a tantrum. He wondered why then noticed Shikari trying to eat his pendant. Kakuzu rolled his eyes, took her from him, pulled out the necklace, and then set her back in her brother's crib. They soon started to fight over the blanket and he took that time to pull Hidan outside the nursery.

"Fucking brats. I'm sorry, Jashin-sama, they didn't mean to disgrace you."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Hidan." He groaned, "They're your kids. They're five months old and don't know any better. We just need to get them a pacifier or something."

"'Fuck's gotten into you?" Hidan noticed Kakuzu's weary tone.

"Nothing. I'm going to the store with Kisame. Stay, behave, and try not to permanently scar our kids."

"Fine, bastard! Don't tell me anything. Go fuck behind my back with fish-boy. I don't give a fuck!" Hidan shouted as he left.

–

"Sounds like Hidan's pregnant again." Kisame joked after Kakuzu had told him of Hidan's behavior.

"You better hope for your weasel's sake you're joking." Kakuzu groaned, downing his alcohol.

"Oi, don't involve Itachi." Kisame whined.

After Kakuzu and Kisame had met up and gone shopping for their children, they decided to stop by a bar for a drink. Kisame was given until six to return home and it was only an hour before.

"Ha-chan has been running around lately. I think she's bored." Kisame murmured, changing conversation away from their partners.

"Shikari and Moku don't do much yet." Kakuzu shrugged, earning a queer laugh from Kisame.

"You have two kids. Boy do I feel sorry for you."

"I'm sure we'll manage. If not I can tie them up."

"That's just cruel."

–

The following month left Hidan home alone, again, with both twins. He lounged on the couch in boredom, watching Moku crawl over to a toy his sister had abandoned. She was sitting up at her dad's feet, wanting to be held. Hidan ignored her, reading the scriptures of Jashin. She soon gave up, waving to her brother. He smiled and threw the toy down.

"So... fucking... bored."

Hidan's boredom did not last for Itachi came to visit. Hametsuki walked behind him, chewing on a rubber bone. She abandoned it when she saw the little infants playing and grinned, revealing a few pointy baby teeth.

"Can I play with them, daddy?"

"No. They're too young. Read your book while I talk with Hidan." He instructed her, sitting next to Hidan while she went to the arm chair.

"Dada." Shikari had returned to Hidan's feet, demanding to be held.

"What? No 'mama'?" Itachi smirked.

"Hell no. I'm going to kill Deidara for teaching her that too." Hidan seethed, rearranging Shikari on his lap so he could still read his scriptures.

"... Has Moku tried to talk yet?" Itachi asked quietly.

"No." He sighed, glancing at his son whom was now resting at his feet with his plush toy. "Kabuto says he probably won't ever talk." Moku's bright pink eyes turned to watch them, his toy forgotten momentarily.

"I am sorry."

"Why the fuck should you be sorry?" Hidan snapped, "Moku is fine. Kakuzu said silence will make him an excellent shinobi."

"Unlike you?" Itachi snickered.

"Oh fuck you, Uchiha." Hidan was silent for a moment. "Have you gone to see Deidara recently? The bastard stopped coming by."

"Yeah. He's due next month. I believe they will also be having twins." He sounded a tad jealous.

"Damn... Next time I think I'll do it your way." Hidan joked, causing Itachi to raise a brow. "Not that I want a next time..." He coughed, pretending to find interest in his daughter's soft head of silver hair. "Is there any reason you stopped by, bitch?"

"Yes... Phox has scheduled a meeting just before the twins' birthday."

"Tch. Bitch." Hidan mumbled.

"Ikeike. (Bitch.)" Shikari's babble startled the two ukes.

"I... did not teach her that." Hidan's face heated in guilt under the look Itachi gave him.

"Well, I better go. Kisame will be back soon. Come, Hametsuki."

–

Okay. This was mainly a filler to show time passing. If there is anything you'd like to see Kakuzu and/or Hidan put through, say it in your review. I just might include it. It will help clear my writer's block.

Also: If you haven't already, there is a poll on my profile page...

Warning: I am just writing what comes to mind from this point on.

Also: Moku at age 12 is uploaded on my deviantart account if you want spoilers.


	32. Old Mission Revisited

Months passed, uneventful. On the twins' tenth month, Kakuzu had ceased the missions for they had raised a fair amount. Granted he wanted more profit on the side however the dad of his children made this an impossibility. He sat at his desk, working around Moku on mission reports to send to the leader. How he always got stuck with the paper work, he never bothered to learn. Moku was playing with a rag doll, which his father had to stitch back together many times, while trying to stay on Kakuzu's lap.

Hidan had left Kakuzu in order to take Shikari over to Deidara and Sasori's hideout. Their twins had been born two months previous. It irked Deidara that his children were born so close to Hametsuki's birthday. They had given birth to two girls, Aoi and Akane. Already Phox was beginning to regret giving the potion to the Akatsuki for she had been placed in charge of explaining puberty to four girls. The woman came to Kakuzu's thoughts as he looked over her mission report and then appeared behind him.

"Kakuzu." He jumped slightly, dropping his writing utensil but keeping hold of his son.

"Where the hell did you come from?" He grumbled, turning to face her. Moku watched her apprehensively before burying his face in his father's cloak.

"... I wish to speak with you about... the Gomi incident..." She stuttered.

"Out." He growled.

"Kakuzu! This is important. We need that information." She hissed.

"What information? He's dead and for good reason."

"Hidan might have gotten something from him."

"Phox, that incident was almost eighteen months ago. Why bring it back up now?"

"Turns out they're still out there. We had thought your killing one of their members had scared them off." She sighed, "Looks like they were just better preparing."

"So you want to interrogate Hidan?" She gave a nod and Kakuzu stood to put Moku in bed. "Your funeral."

–

"Hidan, may I ask you something?" Phox had waited, as Kakuzu requested, for the following morning to ambush Hidan on his way to the kitchen.

"Fuck off bitch, I'm busy." He huffed, brushing past her.

"I need you to tell me about that concubine incident." Hidan stopped cold and turned to her, his face slightly pale.

"I don't remember anything..." He frowned.

She rolled her eyes then grabbed his arm, pulling him to the living room where Itachi waited. Hidan scowled as he was forced to sit down. Phox whispered something to Itachi and the genjutsu began. He recreated the night and Phox left the room to give them privacy. She bumped into Kakuzu whom was about to go in after Hidan.

"You're going to give him nightmares." He growled.

"He's a big boy. He can manage." She replied coolly.

They stood there for awhile, impatient for news. Kakuzu was sent to the nursery after awhile to tend to Shikari. Then, Itachi stuck his head into the hallway, smiling. Phox rose a brow and followed him in.

"I remember." Hidan was grinning. "Kakuzu came just in time! I'm still pure for Kakuzu."

"Good for you but what of Gomi?" Phox drawled.

"Tch. Buzz-fucking-kill." Hidan scoffed but continued, "He said Kakuzu would be good to join their organization and that's when he took me to the bedroom. His shitty organization is located in Takigakure. That's all I found out 'cept there's like only four 'skilled' shinobi."

"Thank you, Hidan." Phox dipped her head and then left with Itachi in tow.

–

A month later, Zetsu arrived at the immortal family's cave. Pain had finally decided what they would do about their rivals. Naturally, the immortals would be called upon. This resulted in finding a suitable babysitter. In the end, they decided to send them to Itachi and Kisame since they were more experienced with children. So, the immortal duo left their children and started their first official mission together since the 'accident'.

"To your home village then, Kuzu?" Hidan inquired once the silence had proven to be too much.

"Yes, Hidan." He sighed, already missing that silence. He had not gotten much sleep the previous night dues to Shikari's constant crying. "But don't mention it or we'll be out before you can say Moku twice."

"Ha-ha." Hidan rolled his eyes and went silent.

Kakuzu appreciated the quiet and slowed so he would not hear complaints later. It also gave him the chance to admire the younger. As the sun went down, Hidan asked for an inn for the night. Naturally, Kakuzu refused and Hidan grumbled but trailed him through a homely village. They continued to travel, the smaller purposefully exhaling through his mouth to show his partner how cold it was. It was rather annoying for the miser. Being partnered with Hidan for so long, however, bred tolerance.

"Hidan... come here." He started to unbutton his robe and handed it over. "Wear it if you're so damn cold, baby."

"Don't call me a fucking baby, prick." He snapped, hurriedly pulling on the garment.

"Next time maybe you should consider a different state of dress." Kakuzu drawled, pulling Hidan with him.

"You're just jealous."

"Whatever you say, bitch."

–

They arrived at the edge of Takigakure just after the sun rose. Hidan panted, dragging his feet and hanging onto Kakuzu. The man had made them travel faster once the sun was completely down. Hidan collapsed on the ground to catch his breath.

"You know... I haven't been... out and about... since I _gave birth to fucking twins._" He seethed.

"Our 'fucking twins' are the reason we have to get this over with. They are at a sensitive age. They don't like strangers much either..." Kakuzu explained. "I just want to get back to them soon... after all... Once Pain gives the order, we won't see them for Jashin knows how long."

"Did you just use my lord's name?" Hidan gasped, that seeming to be the only thing that registered in his warped brain... what's left of it.

"Technically, though I'm not too proud of it, he's my lord too thanks to you." He offered his hand to pull him up.

"Tch. Doesn't mean you have to be as devout as me." Hidan scoffed, letting the stronger pull him to his feet.

"Won't make the mistake again." He laughed jokingly.

They veiled their faces in a simple disguise and walked to the waterfall. Hidan, whom had never been to Takigakure, was confused when his partner went straight through the wall of water. Then, his tan hand stuck out, parting the falls enough for Hidan to squeeze in without getting soaked. He slicked his hair back regardless, just in case it had messed up the perfectly placed locks. Kakuzu groaned and told him to put his hood back on which received a scowl.

"Fuck that. I'll get hood hair." He wrinkled his nose at the thought. "'Sides, nobody'll know me. Never been here before, remember?"

"Hidan..."

"Also, won't two cloaked men kinda freak the bastards out?"

"Hidan. Please stop making sense..."

He sniffed as though offended but fell silent, following Kakuzu into the village. Just as guards came into sight, he pulled him into a secret passage. He lit a torch and lead him through it until they reached a little hut in a hollowed section of the cavern. He was going to pass it but Hidan held him back.

"What's that?"

"A house." Kakuzu scoffed.

"For who?" Hidan rolled his eyes.

"... Me." He replied quietly, forcing Hidan to follow him again.

"W-Wait." He stuttered, tripping after him. "Can we check it out?"

"We'll stay there if we need to." He replied.

Hidan nodded and was freed from Kakuzu's grasp. They finally arrived at the end of the tunnel and Kakuzu extinguished the torch before they hit the light of day. Takigakure was fairly busy when they appeared, rushing from one store to another. Kakuzu ignored the activity, searching for something. He stopped at a bank, earning a scowl from Hidan. He walked up to the teller and whispered something in his ear. The man's eyes went wide and he gave a slight bow before hurrying over to a large door.

"Right this way, Kazuhiro-sama." The man said as the grand door swung open.

"Come, Hidan." Kakuzu instructed, pulling a grumble from his partner.

"Bossy bastard..."

He went along, regardless of his 'mistreatment' and entered the odd room, jumping when the door slammed close. He sat on one of the loveseats with Kakuzu. Moments later, they were joined by another man with a thug-like appearance.

"Ginji-san." Kakuzu stood to shake his hand.

"Kakuzu-sama." He returned before slouching in a seat of his own adjacent to their loveseat. "To what do I owe your visit now? You've been pulling out quite a bit of money. Very unlike you."

"I'm not here to discuss my reasons for anything. Only for information." Kakuzu said in a warning tone.

"You know me, Kakuzu." He smirked, holding out his hand.

"Tell me about any new organizations in the village." He huffed, slapping a pouch of money in the man's open palm.

"There is only one. Rather unprofessional though." He laughed, lighting a cigar. "Gave me their location and other stuff you wouldn't dream of lending me, friend or foe."

"What is their location?" Kakuzu demanded.

"File's on my desk in the office." He motioned to a door and Kakuzu stood up.

"Stay put and keep quiet, Hidan." He fixed his eye on his partner, whom was swatting at the smoke, covering his nose.

"Fuck you." He snapped, coughing a bit before covering his nose again.

"Not now, damnit." He huffed, slamming the office door behind him.

"... So..." Ginji eyed the smaller. "'Hidan', was it?"

"What the fuck's'it to ya?" He drawled.

"Just making idle conversation..." He shrugged with a somewhat playful smirk. "How long does he plan on keeping you?"

"Excuse me?" Hidan frowned, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"How long have you been partnered with Kakuzu?" Ginji mused.

"A few years..."

"He must trust you to some extent..."

"He probably trusts you more." Hidan scoffed, "You get to care for his money."

"So you two are more then fuck buddies." Ginji grinned.

"How can you te—I mean... shit..."

"The fact you're getting jealous." He snickered. "But hey, I'll tell you a secret." He got up and sat next to him. "He probably trusts me with his money 'cause that's how he raised me."

"What?" Hidan's eyes widened.

"Yep. He found me when I was little and made me guard his money. If anything happened to it... I would get beaten." He lifted his shirt to show an old scar. "Once I turned eighteen, he left me in the village and I decided I might as well make a living of what he taught me." He sighed. "Never thought he'd find anything he values more then money. But how should I know? He never shares any of his personal life. Only financial life."

"But you know more about his past then me..." Hidan fixed his magenta eyes on the banker.

"How about we make a plan to meet. I give you some info on his past in exchange for some on his present." He shook Hidan's hand and returned to his chair just as Kakuzu returned. He passed the pair and looked back at his partner at the door.

"Hurry up, Hidan. They aren't far. We should be able to take them down in a day and make it back in time for..." He seemed to recall Ginji's presence and went quiet.

"Tch. Not even gonna rest after this shit?" Hidan groaned, getting to his feet.

"I'll consider it..."

–

"This is it? This place fucking sucks." Hidan scoffed, looking at the hovel on the outskirts of the village.

"Quiet."

Kakuzu motioned to the door just as a man stepped out. He quickly hid his short, messy blond hair with his cloak hood and began to slink off. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed in recognition and made Hidan follow the man. He headed straight for the secret passage the Akatsuki members had taken, passing the house without interest. Hidan spared a glance a look away from the target to see Kakuzu's expression. It was one of concentration so he kept his silence.

Soon, the man stopped, glancing around the room, searching. His shadows pressed themselves against a wall and continued to observe. Moments later, another blond appeared suddenly from the shadows. He was somewhat more boyish then the other and had a pale face. Now Hidan was looking on in curiosity. He saw a glint of silver around the boy's neck. The two males embraced lovingly then parted, whispering words to the other.

"Hidan... I believe that boy is-"

"I know." He interrupted. "It's Suki, one of our 'altar boys' back when we had more than two churches."

"The other one is Atari. He's in a lot of bingo books but a fellow bounty hunter..." Kakuzu frowned. "He didn't come off as the religious type."

"Neither do you, heathen." Hidan smirked playfully. "You see their relation."

Kakuzu heated a bit at the look the Jashinist gave him but shrugged it off as the two boys parted, scanning the cave. They had been discovered.

"Who goes there?" The first blond demanded.

"Your mom." Hidan mocked, stepping into their line of sight despite his partner's protest.

"That cloak... Akatsuki?" He noted, eying the red cloud pattern.

"Atari-chan, lookit his necklace! I think it's Hidan-sama." The younger gasped, elbowing his partner enthusiastically.

"What are you doing so far from the temples, Suki?" Hidan looked at Atari. "And with some heathen bastard too."

"Aren't you a hypocrite..." Kakuzu drawled, finally following him out of hiding.

"What the hell does that mean?" Hidan snapped.

"Nothing at all..." He replied coolly. "Atari, what are you doing with this Jashinist?"

"We're exchanging information." Suki's answer earned a smack from the small bounty hunter. "Shit that hurt." He whined.

"It's none of your business Kakuzu."

"You're my business when you try and mess with my mission." He growled.

"What is your mission?"

"Only if you tell us yours, fucker." Hidan said.

"Atari-chan, may I tell Hidan-sama at least?" Suki begged.

"... 'Hidan'... Wasn't he one of your priests?" Atari mused and then nodded. "Very well. We'll wait here, don't leave my line of sight though..."

"Alright Suki..." Hidan sighed once they had reached the far side of the chamber. "Why him?"

"I figured you'd ask about him." Suki giggled. "He's a heathen but he's actually kinda sweet."

"Did you manage to convert him?"

"Yep." Suki nodded. "Marriage ceremony was done by your aunt."

"Why isn't he wearing his pendent?" He asked suspiciously.

"For his mission. The group he's spying on, they're currently at war with us Jashinists."

"Why?"

"They wanted us to join them." He scoffed. "We are not to be bought, right Hidan-sama?" Hidan nodded in agreement. "They started picking us off. Had some poison that can actually kill us." Suki frowned now. "... They managed to grab a priest..."

"Which one?" Hidan dared ask. The look Suki was giving him gave a pretty good—or bad—idea of which one.

"Auntie..." Suki whispered, unsurprised with Hidan's reaction.

Kakuzu took a step forward when his partner fell to his knees. Thinking they had been tricked, he turned to Atari. However, the male was no where to be seen. Kakuzu cursed and hurried over to Hidan's side. He looked shocked, but uninjured. He frowned and straightened back up. Atari's sudden appearance startled him a moment later.

"Look, Kakuzu..." He started, "We've been rivals with benefits for awhile and I gotta give you another piece of advice. Leave Akatsuki's rival organization alone. Suki and I can handle it."

"Bullshit." Hidan choked then got to his feet with renewed strength. "I will make those bastards pay for their sins, in Jashin's name I swear."

–

Hey, Sorry for the delay. First Semester Finals coming up. \: [

Also not getting to use the e-net as much since I fixed my mom's laptop for her boyfriend to play online Poker. So, my stress relief is out the window...


	33. Old Mission Completed

Kakuzu shook hands with Atari after they had formulated a plan and the male then vanished with a puff of smoke. Suki and Hidan waited in front of Kakuzu's old home, catching up with one another. Both fell silent upon the stitched ninja's approach. He unlocked his door and welcomed them inside the dark house. Moments later, Kakuzu lit a flame, illuminating the plain room in which they stood.

He decided to give them a tour to pass time. A kitchen was attached to the living room and a hall led further into the house where stairs rested. A guest bedroom-bathroom lay at the bottom of these stairs. He made Suki stay there and led Hidan up to the second level. Four rooms lay on that level; the main bedroom is where Kakuzu brought him. He had a rather large bed considering he claimed that Hidan was his first actual relationship.

"This used to be my parents' room." He explained, taking off his cloak.

"So you've lived here for a long time, huh?" Hidan mused, taking his own off.

"Yep." He held open his arms, inviting Hidan over. "I've been thinking... it's time we settle down... After we fake our deaths, of course."

"Really?" Hidan snorted. "Well... this would be a nice place. Lots of space but... it's so close to your old village."

"Nobody ever really pays any mind to the secret tunnels. They were forgotten long ago." He explained, nibbling Hidan's neck.

"Fuck... why are you so horny?" He huffed, biting back the moan he wished to release.

"You tell me." He murmured, letting his hands roam. "This mission should only last one day longer and we'll be back with the kids before you know it."

"Tch... is that why you're horny? You didn't get to fuck me like you wanted because the kids were around?"

"Maybe..." He smirked, pulling away. "But I forgot about your altar boy staying here..." Hidan followed his gaze to the doorway and frowned.

"What do you want Suki?" Hidan rolled off the bed, glancing back at his husband whom was looking at something on his desk.

"Someone's here to see you." He whispered.

"Oh... I'll be back in a bit, Kuzu." Hidan threw over his shoulder, pulling his cloak back on.

He followed Suki downstairs and to the front door where Ginji waited. He dismissed Suki and stepped outside. The duo headed over to the side of the house and Ginji shook hands with Hidan.

"So, what is it you would like to know first?" He inquired.

"... Do you know any of his family members?"

"I know his young grandniece pretty well although he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him." Ginji mused. "His brother died a shortly after he left the village, not that they were very close in the first place. Before he died though, he managed to pass on the genes." he glanced at Hidan. "Since Kakuzu's gay, I suppose he won't be adding anymore kids..."

"... Fuck. Can you take me to meet her?" Hidan requested.

"You still have to tell me something about his present life." Ginji puffed.

"Well, if you can show me this relative..."

"Fine, fine. But you'd better keep your promise. Kakuzu would kill me if he finds out about this."

"I thought you said he didn't know her." Hidan said, following the banker back to the village.

"Doesn't mean he won't find out." He retorted, leading him to a rather small house. "This is where his niece and nephew-in-law live."

He was interrupted when a lovely, large-breasted woman stepped outside. She had fair skin, silky brown hair, and green eyes that locked onto Ginji. She smiled and approached the duo. Ginji kissed her hand and glanced at Hidan.

"Sweetheart, this is a spouse of one of my clients, Hidan." He introduced the male. "Hidan, my fiancee, Hitomi."

"So _that's_ how well you know her." Hidan scoffed.

"Hey now, I kept my promise..."

"What's going on, Gin?" Hitomi asked the banker.

"Could we go inside and talk to your mother?" He returned.

"Of course. You don't need permission." She led them inside the little home and to the kitchen where another woman was cooking dinner. "Mother, Ginji is here with a guest."

"Oh?" The woman turned and Hidan was startled to find that she too had a rather large bosom. "You know I don't appreciate you bringing those clients home." She frowned, eying Hidan.

"Hey, did your mom have big boobs too?" Hidan asked, earning a look from Ginji.

"No... it's from my father's side, thank you very much." She answered tersely.

"So that means big boobs are in Kakuzu's family?" He mused to Ginji.

"'Kakuzu'?" The woman's eyes widened. "Ginji, I told you-"

"Wait, before you scold me, perhaps we can all just sit and... talk?" He suggested nervously.

"Hitomi, could you go to your room, please?" Kakuzu's niece sighed, heading for the kitchen table.

"But mother-"

"Now, Hitomi." The young girl sighed in defeat and headed towards her room. Once her door slammed shut, her mother continued. "Kakuzu's name is taboo here and you know it."

"But his partner doesn't." Ginji shrugged, taking out a cigar, only to have her snatch it away.

"What kind of partner?" She eyed Hidan again.

"That's what I'm waiting for him to tell me." He shrugged.

"... I'm his husband, if you must know, nosy bastard." Hidan huffed, taking a seat.

"Hey, you were being nosy first."

"'Husband'?" The woman blinked. "You must be insane. Kakuzu's temper is awfully short. He's dangerous."

"Says who?" Hidan scoffed. "The village elders that had him thrown in jail for failing an impossible mission?"

"So you know of his betrayal?"

"_His _betrayal? Weren't you listening to me, you dumb bitch? They betrayed him first. Fuckin' serves 'em right." He scowled. "I slaughtered my neighbors when my village decided they were gonna be some wuss tourist attraction."

"... You what?" The woman gaped.

"Ah... I've heard of you." Ginji laughed. "You're that guy from Yugakure. You're a Jashinist now, aren't you. That means you're immortal. It's all making sense now!" He laughed more, making Hidan roll his eyes. He was seeing a familiar pattern and sure enough, he said, "The reason he hasn't gotten rid of you yet is because he couldn't!"

"Yeah, he was killing off all his partners before me. That's why our leader chose me. Tch, still hate that pain in the ass."

"So how did you get him to marry you?" Kakuzu's niece inquired.

"Well... about that..." He looked down. "I... kinda got knocked up..."

"You're shitting me." Ginji deadpanned.

"You are a guy." She agreed.

"One of our friends is pretty evil... She had a guy named Orochimaru whip up some weird potion... Next thing I know, I'm being told I'm pregnant with twins..."

"You don't look-"

"They're eleven months now. A boy and a girl..." He explained. "That's why Kakuzu's in such a hurry to finish our mission."

He continued to fill them in on his encounter and more stories he had with Kakuzu. Apparently, his niece and brother never really blamed him for his actions. However, they had to keep it a secret so they would not also be accused for betrayal. Once stories had finished being exchanged, Hidan bid farewell. They considered meeting again in the future, with Kakuzu and the kids. Hidan, being careful now that his children were involved, did not inform them of their plans to live at Takigakure.

When he returned to his partner, Kakuzu was already asleep at the desk. He sighed at the missed opportunity of a fun night but woke Kakuzu without tact. The larger male growled, glaring at his husband. Hidan backed up to the bed and Kakuzu advanced sleepily. Hidan fell back on the bed, pulling Kakuzu with him. The miser allowed Hidan to kiss him, then pulled back to glare again.

"And just where the hell have you been, Hidan?" He demanded.

"Looking around. No one saw me." He lied, looping his arms around his neck.

"What time is it?"

"Dunno..." Hidan released Kakuzu and looked around for a clock. "Ten at night." He frowned, they would need to sleep now in order to be rested enough for the mission.

"Damn. I need to go. You can sleep until two, got it? No later. Atari and I are going to the base."

"Eh? Why now?"

However Kakuzu had already left. Hidan grumbled under his breath but settled down in the cold bed. If it was not for the twins, he would have made Kakuzu take him before running off. After all, Kakuzu was not the only one deprived of more sex than before child birth. Outside, Kakuzu met with Atari, changing his appearance before following the other Jashinist-lover to his 'base'. He explained to the one on guard—a rather small man—that Kakuzu was interested in joining.

They strode past and arrived at a large, open room. Atari motioned to a woman sitting in the chair ahead and they went to her.

"Loki-sama, the person I had informed you about yesterday is here." Atari said, dipping his head in mock respect.

"He does look rather strong. Very well, you may train him." The woman waved him off and then left.

"That is the leader, Loki. She found the poison that kills us." Atari explained to Kakuzu, taking him to a smaller room. "It was tested on one of the priestesses and she has two other priests captured. Unfortunately, I lost the position of guarding them to someone else."

"How did you lose that position?"

"... Suki got captured as a test subject..."

"Oh..." Kakuzu gave a nod in understanding. "Do they have others?"

"Nope. They already have the poison. No need to keep the lab rats... alive." Atari replied grimly.

"Who is in charge of guarding the priests now?" He inquired.

"That shrimp that was at the door should be guarding them now."

"Why are they holding the priests anyways?"

"Bargaining chips. They killed the only priestess to give proof they could kill us."

"... Auntie seemed like she would have been a good family member to have..." Kakuzu said quietly.

"That's right... I had forgotten Hidan was her nephew. That means she was your aunt too..." Atari frowned and then patted his bed. "Do you remember that one bounty we took down together?"

"The only one? Yeah."

"It was my aunt." He explained. "I loved her very much, but at that time, I valued money more than love. I'm sure you are the same."

"Of course. The world runs on money." He scoffed. "What's your point?"

"I dunno..." He grinned. "Just felt like sharing it with someone."

"Idiot." Kakuzu scoffed, scuffing the boy's hair. "What time is it?"

"Midnight. We should get going. Hidan and Suki will be here soon." He stood just as a bell began to ring. "Damnit... we have a meeting. Come on, Kakuzu."

"Gather, fellow Poachers. I have information to disclose on the Akatsuki." Loki began, making Kakuzu tense. "We have more members to add to the list as well as their special techniques. Their Jashinist, Hidan, has been spotted in this village." She waited for the four other members to quiet down. "He was with the banker, Ginji. It is possible that he has slipped information to Hidan."

"What about the Akatsuki? Maybe he gave information?" Atari suggested, earning a glare from Kakuzu.

"He is a Jashinist. Why would one of them give us information crucial to our plans?" She scowled. "Another member has also been sited in the village." Kakuzu's blood went cold; had he been discovered? "We managed to catch the fool with ease though since she was with a child."

"Which one was it!" Kakuzu could not help but burst out.

"It was a new blonde, newbie." She seemed annoyed that he had spoken. "Now we will have bargaining chips for both of our enemies." She grinned. "The meeting is dismissed. Atari, you will be placed in charge of the woman and child." Once she had left once again, a man nearby began to talk.

"Why the hell would the Akatsuki have a woman, let alone a child? I say it's a trick." He snorted.

"Come on, K. We should go down there." Atari whispered, taking the larger man's arm.

He nodded and then followed him down a flight of stairs to a cell of sorts. There was one on one end of the hall and Deidara was at the other end, holding Moku. Kakuzu hurried over, starting the blond. He did not recognize him and shied away. Atari looked down where the priests were and noticed the guard had not yet arrived. He exchanged a look with Kakuzu before hurrying down there.

"P-Please let me out, un. I have a child." Deidara sounded like a woman, confusing Kakuzu.

"Yeah, mine." He growled, examining the bars.

"Wha-?"

He was interrupted as a secret passage opened, revealing Suki and Hidan. They were called over to Atari, ignoring Kakuzu. However he was still busy trying to find a weak place in the bars. He doubted Atari had a key since he was still not freeing the priests.

"Deidara... Do you have your clay on you?" He demanded, losing his patience.

"Of course, hm." He huffed.

"Hand me Moku and when I get to that end down by Hidan, you blow yourself out. We won't have long after that before guards come running. Then we have to free the priests and hope we can come back and-"

"Bombs are already placed around this place, hm. Phox sent Itachi, Hametsuki, and myself to help you guys 'cause she had heard about the poison, un." Deidara cut off Kakuzu, holding out his son. "We brought the kids because Kisame is on a mission with danna, hm."

"I see..."

He frowned and accepted the precious bundle. He glanced down at his son's peaceful face and then approached the Jashinists. Hidan seemed shock that Moku was there and stole him away, holding him close. They ignored the confused looks from the Jashinists and then waited for the explosion. Moku woke up but remained silent and Deidara came running, already making another explosive. Kakuzu made Hidan and the others to go through the passage, assuring them that he would protect the priests.

Deidara set off the explosions the moment they were out of site. Each of the Akatsuki members grabbed a priest and helped them to the tunnel. It slid shut behind and they hurried to a spot just outsied the hideout. Hidan, Itachi, and the kids all stood waiting. They joined them and then, Deidara turnied with a sick grin. He placed his hands together in a familiar sign and then murmured.

"Let me show you true art, kids." He glanced at his daughters, held in Itachi's arms. "KATSU!"

* * *

Blah~ Sorry it took awhile. School's back in session. My Sims 2 game had also taken away most of m freetime and I apologize.

I want to let you all know that I have a new deviantart account. yaoiphox(dot)deviantart(dot)com.

I also have a new poll up: Should I start an Akatsuki Yaoi Chatroom series on Youtube? (If you are unsure of what that is, search "Akatsuki Chatroom" or something on Youtube).

ANOTHER THING: I'm thinking I should start making these chapters longer... like five or eight pages rather than four.


	34. First Birthday

As the twins' first birthday approached, their parents were anxious. Kakuzu wondered the expenses for a gift and a party. He did not want a party since the children would not necessarily remember it but his husband insisted (withholding bed privileges as blackmail). The day before the party, Hidan was cleaning his blade in the living room, keeping an eye on the kids as they rolled a ball back and forth.

"Mom." Hidan froze, eyes narrowing at his daughter.

"It's 'dad', Shikari." He corrected.

"Mom."

"Dad." He scowled, pointing to himself.

"... Mom." She repeated, holding her arms out to him.

"Dad." He growled, pulling her to his lap.

"Dad." She babbled, cuddling into his chest.

"... Bitch you did that on purpose." He huffed then looked at his son.

He was alone now, staring at them with his pink eyes. Kakuzu and Hidan had both given up hope that he would ever make a sound. They had not even heard him laugh. After a moment longer of staring, he turned his attention back to the ball, struggling to his feet. As Hidan had his hands full with Shikari, he was unable to catch him when he fell to the ground. He frowned and scoot over to his son, trying to pick him back up without upsetting Shikari.

Moku's face was scrunched as though he wanted to cry but he made no sound. Hidan noticed a bump on his head and sighed, beckoning Moku over by calling his name. The toddler crawled over and Hidan leaned down to kiss the bump.

"Klutz." He sighed with a small smile. "You stay here. I'm going to hand your sister to your father."

He got up, Shikari cradled in his arms on the way to his room. Kakuzu was counting his money when his daughter tumbled onto the desk, rolling over the neatly stacked bills. He growled and whipped around to glare at Hidan but the immortal had already vanished back to the living room. He grumbled under his breath and made Shikari sit up in front of him.

"Mom." She smiled, tugging his hair, pulling his head down to the desk.

"Ow. I'm not your mom, sweety, I'm your father." He struggled to keep his calm, prying the little hand from his hair. "Let go."

She obeyed but then reached for his money. He gave a jolt when she grabbed a wad of cash and threw it on the floor. He scowled and rolled his chair away in order to pick it up. This just gave her the chance to shove more off and put some in her mouth.

"Gak! Spit that out! You'll ruin them." He snapped, pulling the paper out of her mouth.

He cursed when her eyes began to water. He grabbed her when she started to cry and stood, bouncing her slightly in his arms. In the living room, Hidan was pulling Moku to his feet, helping him walk. After a few hours, Kakuzu had settled Shikari in—after changing her soiled diaper—and Moku could walk fairly well on his own. Hidan scooped the exhausted child up and carried him to his room where Kakuzu was tucking Shikari in.

"Any problems?" Hidan snickered knowingly when they reached their bedroom—he could see the scattered money.

"Hmph." He grunted and flopped onto the bed. "What were you doing with Moku?"

"Teaching him how to walk." Hidan shrugged, joining his husband.

"You didn't tell me?" Kakuzu pouted, rolling on his side to face Hidan.

"Didn't think you'd care. You can teach Shikari though." He smiled, rubbing their noses together.

"Hidan, Pain informed me we're entering a period of rest until further notice."

"What for?" He tilted his head as Kakuzu began to attack his neck with kisses and nibbles.

"Dunno... Might have something to do with Konan and Phox." He shrugged, letting his hand run along his partner's sides.

"So what did you get the twins?" Hidan inquired, playing with Kakuzu's bangs.

"A new ball... some clothes..." He shrugged. "There's not much."

"Yeah..." Hidan sighed, nuzzling close to Kakuzu. "Wonder what the others will bring them..."

–

The next day, Hidan and Kakuzu woke early to their daughter's hungry cries. Hidan rolled out of bed first, closely followed by the older male. Hidan took Shikari to the kitchen while Kakuzu checked Moku's diaper. Once the children were fed, the others arrived with their kids and gathered in the living room. Deidara and Sasori presented their gifts first.

"That better not explode..." Kakuzu murmured as Deidara handed his kids a little clay figure.

"Nah... Danna revoked my exploding clay privileges long before I got pregnant, hm." Deidara grinned.

"Smart move." Itachi whispered to Sasori.

Hidan moved on to the present from Sasori to reveal a little puppet without strings. He explained that the strings would have probably been a hazard. Itachi had gotten Moku a book and Kisame handed Shikari some clothes. Hametsuki stepped up with some gifts of her own. She handed her old toys to Shikari and another book to Moku.

"Happy birthday." She smiled, revealing her sharp needle-like teeth.  
The two year old then walked back to her parents' sides, holding their hands. Moku had already opened one of his books, randomly flipping pages. Shikari was staring at Hametsuki from her dad's arms. Spotting this, Itachi and Kisame let go of Hametsuki to play with her. Sasori and Deidara kept hold of their daughters, watching from the loveseat. Hidan and Kakuzu gathered the toys and took put them up. Hametsuki was playing with Shikari and a ball. Soon, Moku had joined in the game.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." Hidan called from the kitchen.

–

Six months after their birthday, Hidan was stuck cleaning the kitchen while Kakuzu was out with the twins. Lately, Moku had been mimicking him, sometimes helping Hidan clean. Seeing this, Kakuzu decided to take them out while he trained. Hidan would be joining them the moment he finished his chores. He headed outside, grabbing his scythe on the way. Kakuzu was in a clearing, his hearts out, roaming around. The wind mask, however, was curled up with the kids like a dog.

"Kakuzu!" The addressed looked up, waving his partner over.

"If we go soft because of these kids, we're dead." Kakuzu said with a grin.

"Hmph. I'm immortal, dumbass." He paused, pulling out his weapon. "And now you are too."

Kakuzu smirked and his masks—save the 'babysitter'—slunk back to his side. Kakuzu raised his arms and the fight began. Hidan charged at the lightning mask first as it was the closest. Moku nuzzled his father's heart while Shikari watched the fight with wide green eyes. She cried out when her dad hit the ground, getting Moku's attention. Kakuzu approached his partner, glanced at his kids, sent the lightning mask over to calm them, and then grabbed Hidan by the hair.

"Fuck! Let go of my hair, prick! It hurts!" He snarled, grabbing the hand gripping his hair.

"..." Moku blinked at the lightning mask, holding his arms up to it.

The creature sat on the ground, holding Moku while Kakuzu and Hidan continued their fight. Hidan had managed to free himself, holding his scythe against Kakuzu's throat. Immediately, the fire and earth mask attacked, pulling the blades away with their threads. Kakuzu smirked and called them off. They went to Moku whom was already fast asleep. Shikari was still watching the battle carefully.

"Hidan, we're doing hand-to-hand combat now." He called to his partner.

Hidan nodded and dropped his scythe. Once their fight was done—with Kakuzu winning—they put away their weapons. Moku woke up as soon as the fire mask (they passed him back and forth) had set him down. He waved to them as they slipped back into his father's back. Hidan picked Shikari up, ignoring the fact she was playing with the blood from his injuries. Moku was taken by Kakuzu.

"After we've settled, we can teach them our techniques." Kakuzu murmured, following Hidan back inside.

"Moku seemed to like yours." He smiled. "It was fucking adorable to see those hearts babying them."

–

"Momma!" Shikari cried for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

"Hidan, I think she wants you." Kakuzu grumbled from his desk; he had given up on sleep after the first dozen or so times.

"Fuck..." He grumbled. "I just put her to sleep."

"She doesn't want me." He shrugged as he heard Hidan pad over to the door.

"I swear, whenever I find out who taught her to call me mom..." His voice followed him down the hall.

Shikari was sitting up in her crib, throwing a tantrum. She struggled in his arms, kicking and screaming. Startled, he dropped her back in the crib. She got right back up and started to shake the bars. Hidan sighed, picking her back up. After awhile, he realized she was pointing to her brother's crib. Curious, he approached it and set her next to him. She crawled on top of him yet from Moku there was no protest. Hidan's heart jumped and he pushed her aside and picked Moku up. His head lolled back and Hidan panicked, calling Kakuzu in.

Kakuzu dropped his money and rushed over. Hidan had Moku on the changing table, the only surface, and was checking his pulse. He cursed and Kakuzu came over, droning out Shikari's cries.

"What happened?"

"He's not breathing and his heart stopped." He explained, his throat tight.

"Shit, move over." Kakuzu grunted, moving him aside to check on his son. "Go get Kabuto."

"Damnit... they're supposed to be immortal." Hidan snapped but obeyed, heading to the door.

"Get Shikari out of here, she's distracting me."

Hidan made a quick u-turn back to their daughter and scooped her up. He went to the living room, setting her on the couch. Hidan began to weave signs to summon one of the Jashin messengers. A skeleton cat appeared and he passed the message before sending it to Phox. She was the only one that knew Kabuto's whereabouts. He then sat beside Shikari, holding her close. He soothed her, patting her back while waiting for Kakuzu.

After awhile, Hidan had begun to doze off, Shikari still wide awake. Only when Kakuzu entered with Moku did she drift off. Hidan started, seeing Moku squirming in his husband's arms. He breathed in relief, uttering a prayer to Jashin. Kakuzu brought their son to the loveseat and switched kids.

"Looks like Jashin blessed them with immortality after all, Hidan." He smiled, kissing his forehead.

"Do you know what happened?" Hidan whispered.

"It was SIDS." Phox said, appearing from the shadows with the skeleton cat on her shoulder. "Suffocated, most likely. I'm glad he is alright now though."

"You knew?" Hidan snarled.

"No. I made an educated guess." She replied coolly. "At least you know they're immortal now." She dipped her head and then vanished with the Jashinist cat.

"Bitch..." Hidan huffed, nuzzling his son's hair.

"You okay?"

"I thought she was just crying because she wanted attention..." Hidan sighed. "Itachi said they're at the age of wanting constant mothering..."

"She has been calling you 'mom'..." Kakuzu mused, nudging Hidan. "He and Deidara must be the reason."

Hidan smiled and leaned on him, starting to drift off again. Kakuzu smiled too and leaned his head on Hidan's, their children held close to their hearts as they fell asleep.

–

Two more months passed and the Akatsuki artists got stuck babysitting the immortal duo's kids. Sasori placed paper in front of them, handing them a crayon to keep them occupied. Their daughters were now a year old and watched enviously as their father played with the other twins. Deidara sighed, pulling his fingers through Aoi's hair. Unfortunately, both of the strawberry-blonde, blue-eyed girls were identical, save one little difference. It was their hands—Aoi had the hand mouths, Akane did not.

Akane snuggled up on her dad's lap, wanting him to give her the same treatment. He smiled and did so, watching Sasori focus on what Moku was scribbling. Shikari had already grown bored, drinking water from her magenta cup. Deidara quirked a brow, catching Sasori's eye.

"He's scribbling Kakuzu's masks." He explained. "And naming them."

"Oh? Can I see, hm?"

"Later... He'll probably throw a tantrum if I take it." He laughed. "How are they?"

"They look sleepy, hm." Deidara watched Akane yawn, making Aoi follow the chain. Shikari followed and then, to their surprise, Moku opened his mouth, mimicking the yawn; silently though.

Sasori pulled the duo to their room, Deidara on his heels. They put both sets of twins in their crib with their own sibling. Elsewhere, Kakuzu and Hidan were heading to a bounty exchange. They had gone on a quick hunt after Kakuzu was informed of a purchase for Amegakure's benefit. A man greeted them, eying Hidan with slight distaste. Kakuzu said nothing, accepting the money.

"Guh... this place still reeks." Hidan whined, heading for the exit.

"Why do you keep coming in then?" Kakuzu sighed, still flipping through money.

"Just hurry it up. We left them with the fucking _bomber_, in case you forgot." He hissed.

"And puppet will keep bomber in line." Kakuzu rolled his eyes, closing his case.

"Fuck you... I'm going home." Hidan sniffed, leaving the exchange.

"Kakuzu-sama..." The man began.

"You know me. I say nothing on my personal life." He said, his eyes narrowed.

"... Hm... I miss your last partner. He at least had interest in money."

"Yeah... stole it right from under my nose too." He growled.

"Haha. Poor bastard..." He patted a door. "He had quite a bounty though."

Kakuzu nodded and then left, finding Hidan using the urinal. He smirked and set down his briefcase before wrapping his arms around Hidan. The male jumped and cursed. Luckily he had just finished. He whipped around to glare, only to meet his husband's lips through the mask. Hidan huffed and struggled out of his arms.

"Fuck, just how much money did you get?" He scowled.

"Enough to get a hotel for the night." He replied.

"No. I want to get back to my kids. After that incident with Moku-"

"We're going and that's final, bitch." He snapped, picking up his briefcase and partner. "The kids will be fine for one night. They're immortal."

–

Kakuzu smiled down at his prey, licking his lips. The 'prey' was struggling to free himself from the threads binding his limbs, spreading his legs. Kakuzu was stroking himself, knelt over Hidan, close to his face. He scowled at the elder, his own member aching, longing for a similar treatment. He looked away from his husband's busy hands when he heard a moan and could see Kakuzu was close.

"Kakuzu, don't waste it!" He shouted, hoping to stop his actions.

"S-Shut up... I won't waste it... you're going to eat it, bitch." He growled between his pleasured sounds.

"Ugh. But what if you can't get it back up after? Then I'll be left horny as fuck 'cause you were being a selfish bastard." He complained.

"That would be your fault." He managed to smirk. "If I can't get it up, it's because you're not a very good whore."

"Fucking prick." He shouted, trying to throw Kakuzu off of him.

He bucked, brushing the man's lower region. It was all Kakuzu needed and he clenched his teeth as he released. Hidan had been shouting at the miser but he soon quieted as he began to couch on his partner's come. Kakuzu panted, placing his hand on Hidan's cheek, spattered with white.

"Beautiful." He smirked, kissing him deeply.

Hidan was about to complain until he felt Kakuzu's erection. He smirked into the kiss, moaning as Kakuzu cleaned his seed from his mouth. Hidan, after being released, grabbed Kakuzu, pulling his erection down to his own in order to rub them together, painfully slow. Kakuzu broke away from the kiss and started to suck on his neck. Hidan moaned again and Kakuzu sat up, his hand replacing Hidan's around their shafts. His hand was larger and warmer so he got them closer to the edge. He pulled back and pressed a few of his threads to Hidan's hole, having them stretch it for him while he returned to kissing his lover, stroking him.

"Ready?" He murmured, nibbling his partner's ear lobe.

"Hurry the fuck up." He whined, moaning as the threads found his prostate.

Kakuzu obliged, pushing his member in next to the threads. Hidan gasped at the added pain, throwing his arms around Kakuzu's neck. They stilled for a moment, enjoying the feel before Hidan loosened and Kakuzu began to pull out. He thrust back in carelessly, without warning and Hidan cried out. He used his threads to locate and lead him to Hidan's prostate and then aimed for it with every thrust. As his control began to slack, he began to stroke his partner and went slower.

Hidan groaned as he released, unable to hold it in. Kakuzu grunted and continued to stroke him through his orgasm. He gave a spasm and tightened, helping Kakuzu over his edge. He spilled his seed within and held Hidan close. After awhile, he pulled out and kissed his partner before they fell into a peaceful slumber. This time, no kids were there to disturb them.

–

Kakuzu and Hidan returned home to find their twins sleeping peacefully. Deidara and Sasori took their own twins and left once the immortals arrived. Hidan smiled, stroking Shikari's silvery head before switching to Moku's light brown. Kakuzu headed to the kitchen to check their supplies but stopped when he saw a scribble on the fridge. He pulled it off and recognized his masks, each with a name scribbled near them. He knew it was Moku's doing as he had been teaching his son to write upon realizing they would never hear him speak.

He smiled and taped it back on the ice box before opening it. He sighed, seeing they would need to go... shopping... for more food. He slammed it closed after grabbing some baby food and went back to the nursery. Hidan was holding Shikari and Moku on his lap on a chair Kakuzu had bought just for the nursery. He held up the baby food and Hidan nodded, repositioning the twins so his husband could feed them.

"Kakuzu..." The addressed looked up from an annoyed Shikari (she wanted to feed herself), "Six more months..."

"... It'll be fine, Hidan." Kakuzu smiled slightly, handing to food and spoon to their daughter to cup Hidan's cheek. "We're immortal." He said, kissing him lightly.

* * *

Chu~ I just want to get their 'deaths' over with. Screw Kabuto resurrecting the Akatsuki. He's going to go into hiding too. -fumes- Kishimoto needs to stop screwing the plot! It's screwing with mine. … Still love the manga though. xD -waits for the next chapter-


	35. Losses

"Shikari!"

"Where the fuck are you, bitch?"

Kakuzu and Hidan searched outside their base for their daughter with Moku on their heels, looking for his sister. She had run off while Kakuzu and Hidan were training for the long-awaited deadline. Pain had called the big meeting to take place in one week. The twins were now two years, two months and Shikari was constantly getting into trouble. She already had a scar on her hand for trying to 'help' her dad cut meat for dinner. Moku, on the other hand, was quite lax and stayed out of the torture-chamber-turned-timeout-room. After awhile of searching, they found her poking what looked like a Venus flytrap.

Said flytrap was getting very aggravated, very quickly. He opened up his plant and jumped at her. She squeaked and fell back on her rear. In no time she was crying for her parents and they arrived, glaring at Zetsu. Moku kept his distance from the odd man, hugging his father's Earth-element mask-beast he named Yochi. Hidan knelt by his daughter, patting her back and telling her to "man-up" while Kakuzu approached Zetsu. They went off to one side, leaving Hidan to comfort the kids.

"That was an asshole thing to do." Kakuzu huffed.

"**You should put a leash on them. Be glad I found her before Tobi or some stranger.** I wouldn't physically harm them like they might." He defended.

"You'd eat them." He scoffed. "So what do you want?"

"... Phox wants to discuss the plans. **Bring the twins.**" Zetsu then blended back into a tree and was gone.

"What did the prick want?" Hidan was holding Shikari on his hip, glaring at where the plant ninja had left.

"Phox has a meeting..." He explained. "We're to bring the twins."

They headed back to their base to change and dress and then went to change the twins. Therein lay the problem.

"No!" Shikari screeched, kicking and biting her father as he tried to get a simple shirt and toddler pants on her. "I don't wanna! Daddy!"

"Damnit!" Kakuzu growled, clenching his fist.

"Kakuzu, calm down, bastard. Let me do it." Hidan grabbed the fist that was aimed at his daughter and aimed a death look at his husband.

"Fine." He growled, shoving the clothes into his hands. "I'll go dress Moku."

"Take a walk if it helps, fucker." Hidan threw over his shoulder before facing his daughter, bound by threads. "Shikari, you have to wear a shirt when you go out."

"You don't!" She protested with a whine.

"That's because I'm a guy. We've been over this, Shika-chan." He sighed, cutting the his partner's threads. "Moku, your father, and I don't have to wear a shirt, but you do. Don't argue."

"Tch." She sniffed, jerking her head in another direction to stick up her nose. "Ha-chan don't have to..."

"... PUT THE JASHIN-DAMNED SHIRT ON BITCH OR I'LL SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO JASHIN!"

–

"Glad you four could finally make it." Phox drawled as Kakuzu and Hidan arrived at her lair, twins on their backs.

"Fuck you." Hidan panted, setting a fully clothed—and unconscious—Shikari next to the other children.

"Shikari was being difficult." Kakuzu explained, setting Moku down as well.

"**Unsurprising.**" Zetsu sneered.

"Oh shut it, fuckin' plant." Hidan snapped. "You go have some mutant plant-seedling-things then see how 'unsurprising' it is."

"Settle down." Phox sighed. "Zetsu, you should be with Tobi. Kabuto has given you what you need. It's up to you to use it." She stared at him. "Well... Shoo." He rolled his eyes but obeyed. "Now, thanks for coming everyone. This is the day we begin to plan... our deaths. How does everyone expect everyone to meet their end? We'll start with listing how Sasori will die. Write it unanimously on the papers provided and pass them to me." Phox began to write on a notepad and tossed some to the others. "Done, hand them in." She held out her hand.

"This is insane." Sasori sighed, arms crossed as his lover passed in the last one.

"Okay. First; 'Caught in an explosion for not taking turns with diaper duty.'" Phox blinked and glanced between the two artists. "Second; 'Suicidal sacrifice.'" All eyes turned to Hidan but he pointed to Kakuzu. "'My partner will kill him for his expensive-ass wood and tool costs.' Oh... you really put down sacrifice, Kakuzu?" The miser merely shrugged and looked away. "Third; 'Fire.' Fourth; 'Termites.'" She looked to Kisame and Itachi. "Fifth; 'Killed by his grandma and a pink-haired bitch from Konoha.'" Phox grinned and everyone gave her blank looks. "I like that one." She set the paper aside. "Who volunteers to go next?"

"Itachi." Everyone piped.

"That's easy. Show of hands for death by brother." Hands shot up, including Itachi's. "Yeah... Deidara. Show of hands for suicide bombing." Again, more hands, including Deidara's hesitant one.

"Do me next!" Kisame grinned.

"Cannibalism." She replied with an odd grin. "Next?"

"What the hell do you mean, 'cannibalism'?" Hidan shouted.

"He'll be eaten by sharks. Suicide. Lame." Itachi drawled.

"Now the tricky ones... our immortal duo..." She smirked. "Write their names next to their demise and hand it in." She waited for them to be turned in and then listed them. "'Hidan; Can't die. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" She looked at Kisame whom was grinning. "'Hidan; Insanity... Or at least Extreme Insanity past his norm. Kakuzu; Heart attack.'" Itachi looked away, smirking. "'Hidan; Torn to pieces and scattered. Poison is also to consider. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" Sasori was smirking at Hidan, a vial in hand. "'Hidan; Kakuzu dies. Kakuzu; Suicidal sacrifice.'" Phox quirked a brow but nothing gave away the person to have written it. "'Hidan; Blown up and buried. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" Hidan scowled and glared at the blond.

"I didn't write that one, hm. I wrote the one before it." Deidara jumped.

"'Kakuzu; Drowns in his money. Hidan; Like I'd tell you fuckers how to kill me. Especially Kakuzu.'" Phox grinned. "Kakuzu, I think yours is most accurate. Considering you put Hidan down as your own death."

"YOU-!" Hidan exclaimed, glaring at the miser, scythe raised.

"Point proven." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Fuck you. No sex for a fucking year." He huffed, sticking his nose in the air like his daughter had done earlier that day.

"I'll be sure to alert you all on when to fake your deaths. Try to prepare on your own. I will offer any help I can give."

"Where do we go when we fake our deaths?"

"What about our kids?"

"Kabuto will hold them for us." Phox answered and was met with a roar of protests. "Orochimaru and Kabuto both know you will kill them if any harm comes to your children. The children won't stay with them alone for long. Once you have died, plans will be discussed further, I promise."

–

"Shikari. Let. Go." Hidan growled as his daughter clung to his leg for dear life.

"NOOO!" She screamed.

"Moku is being difficult too..." Kakuzu grumbled, motioning to his own leg.

"Don't weave, daddy!" Shikari cried as Hidan successfully pried her off.

"Shut the fuck up! It won't take long, damnit." He snapped. "You'll be staying with Kabuto for an hour at most."

"I'll even let Mizu stay with Moku." Kakuzu sighed as his son released him, seemingly happy with the offer to give him his water-element mask.

He let the mask slip out and curl around Moku. Hidan sighed and picked Shikari up, bouncing her slightly until she fell asleep. The immortal duo headed out for the Akatsuki's main meeting place. They stopped along the way to hand the twins over to Kabuto. Hametsuki had already been dropped off and was quick to cheer Shikari up. They reached the meeting place to find all but Sasori and Deidara had arrived.

"Sasori has rarely ever come late before." They heard Pain grumble.

"I apologize for the delay." Sasori's voice sounded, appearing with his hologram. "The brat has come down with a cold. He is unable to leave bed."

"Whatever. Just be sure he is informed of everything we discuss today." Pain did not look happy. "The moment he is better, you two are to capture the one-tailed Shukaku of the sand. He resides in the current Kazekage."

"The Kazekage is a Jinchuuriki? What the hell were they thinking?" Sasori scowled.

"Who knows. Zetsu and Phox have all the information you require." He drawled. "You may go now. As for the rest of you, you will also be assigned your Jinchuurikis. Phox will hand out the files she has at this point. You're dismissed." He vanished then, leaving the Akatsuki alone.

"That was quick."

"Yeah."

–

Sasori sighed, looking to Deidara as he tended to their ill twins. The strawberry blondes were coughing and wheezing since the previous morning. Deidara turned away from them and sighed, his hair out of its usual style. Sasori informed him of their mission and he nodded before heading to the kitchen. A moment later, Zetsu and Phox appeared. Sasori jumped but soon recovered upon seeing the serious expression on Phox's face. She glanced at the twins and explained he would be faking his death first since their twins were the youngest.

"What about Deidara?" He inquired.

"It would look suspicious if you two disappear at the same time. You'll be able to handle the twins on your own until Deidara's time comes." Sasori made to argue but she shook her head. "He will still be able to visit you. Now, what you are going to do is make a copy of your heart box."

"What good will that do? It's not like it will actually work like the first."

"I am aware of this. Just switch the containers when you think you're done putting up a fight."

"I think I understand... I suppose I could try," he glanced at his daughters, "for Aoi and Akane."

"Good... here's some medicine for them, as well."

–

Deidara scowled, trying desperately to ditch his new partner, Tobi. It had been a few weeks after Sasori's 'death' and he had been unable to see his family. Phox had not anticipated Tobi becoming partnered with Deidara and insisted the blond try and keep a low profile. Though the bomber did not know why Phox seemed to worry about this masked idiot, he obeyed her wishes. He had slight suspicions on him as well after being partnered with the supposed idiot that easily made it into their criminal organization.

"Deidara-senpai!" Deidara cringed as his partner called out to him. "Where are we going!"

"We're going after the three-tailed Jinchuuriki, hm." He grumbled.

"Oh! Tobi is tired though. Look, Tobi sees a cave!"

Deidara yelped as the masked man grabbed his hand, dragging him into the cave. He yanked his hand from Tobi's and prepared to yell at him. However Tobi was already curling up on a rock to sleep. Deidara blinked and sighed in relief, finally able to catch a break from the hyperactive moron. He went a little deeper into a cave and stretched. Then, a cold, familiar cable wrapped around his midsection and dragged him into a hidden tunnel. Deidara thrashed and was pulled back onto his feet in a new chamber. There stood Sasori, strawberry blonde twins in his arms.

"Danna! Akane and Aoi!" He cried, embracing his family.

"What took you so long, brat? You know I hate to be kept waiting..." Sasori sighed as Akane was taken from him.

"My new partner has been a pain in the ass, hm." Deidara grunted as his daughter yanked on his hair.

"Your new partner?" Sasori frowned, switching twins.

"Yeah. You remember Tobi, yeah?"

"Are you kidding?" Sasori laughed.

"I swear, he just won't get out of my ass, hm."

"..."

"That sounded weird, un." Deidara chuckled, nuzzling Aoi.

"Has Phox told you when you are going to join us?" He asked quietly.

"Not yet. She doesn't trust Tobi, hm."

"I see... but we already know you're perfectly capable of faking your death." Sasori smiled, leaning up to expose and kiss his forehead.

"I think Kakuzu and Hidan will be joining you before me, hm."

"Yeah. They dropped their twins off with Kabuto and me this morning..."

"How are they, hm?"

"Difficult except Kakuzu's heart creature helps quite a bit but mainly with Moku."

"DEIDARA-SANPAI! WHERE'D YOU GO? TOBI CAN'T FIND YOU!" Deidara sighed and handed Aoi back to Sasori, kissing both his daughters on the forehead before kissing his lover.

"I have to go, yeah. I love you."

"I love you too."

–

"K-K-Kakuzu..."

Hidan felt himself become uneasy under the large dirt pile. He worried about Kakuzu, praying that the plan had not failed. Of course, Kakuzu would not know where that deer-boy had buried him nor that he had been buried. He had not anticipated being separated from his husband before meeting his demise. He held back tears as he thought of their twins being without even one of them, let alone both. He had no idea of how much time had passed, only that he had not been found. He felt panic rise. Above him, deer were gathering, trampling the Earth as they felt a threat approach.

A cloaked figure lurched his way to the bloody clearing, pulling out a paper bomb. The deer tensed then charged. One by one they hit the ground, dead. Soon another cloaked figure arrived with a shovel over his shoulder. Once assuring they were alone, they started hitting the ground, listening. They hears some soft soil and nodded to each other, slamming the shovel down into the ground. They continued to dig until the taller got annoyed, motioning for his companion to go back, pulling out a paper bomb.

"Hopefully Hidan-sama isn't too close to the surface." He grinned, folding a few bombs to look like bugs.

"Assuming he's even there, let alone alive." The smaller scoffed, watching him place the origami paper bombs in a circle.

"Yeah. It's been like three months?" The taller drawled, stepping back before the ground rocked with an explosion.

"Kakuzu-sama seemed eager to wait for a year." His friend giggled.

"Except the kids wanted their _mommy_." The leader mocked, moving aside soil until he saw a flash of grey. "That and Hidan can't live very long without food."

"A-Ata-?" Hidan struggled to speak, his throat dry.

"Sh. We're here, Hidan-sama." The younger smiled, popping up behind the other.

"Suki!" He coughed. "I-I need someone to put me back together."

"Back together...?" Atari blinked, picking up Hidan's head, "Holy shit! What happened to you?"

"I got blown up and buried." He wheezed. "Where's Kakuzu?"

"Still recovering from the Konoha fight. He's at home, paralyzed." Suki murmured.

"Wh-What? Then who's going to put me back together?" Hidan whimpered.

"I could give it a shot, Hidan-sama." Suki said, pulling out some thread and a needle. "I found it handy learning to sew... being immortal and all..."

–

"Ha-chan, Ha-chan! Lookie!" Shikari tugged on her friend's shorts, waving around a picture. "I drew daddy."

"It's very good." She smiled. "Where is your daddy?"

Shikari frowned and shrugged, holding the picture close. Hametsuki tilted her head then heard some people knock. She quickly ran into the newcomer's arms, nuzzling them affectionately. Kisame was quick to pick her up, going to the living room with Itachi close behind. Once they had settled on the couch, Hametsuki giggled at their attention then clambered off the couch.

"Daddy, father. Where's Shika-chan's daddy?" She inquired.

"Oh..." Her parents exchanged a look. "He's... working. Like your daddy and I."

"Kisame, I told you we weren't going to treat her like a baby." Itachi scolded him halfheartedly.

"But she is a baby, Itachi." Kisame scowled.

"My baby." Itachi grumbled. "My baby doesn't need to be taking after you."

"I'm her father, Itachi!" Kisame whined.

"I am aware..." Itachi smirked, pecking his cheek. "But you're also a buffoon."

"Jerk." Kisame huffed, jumping up when the front door opened again.

"DADDY!" They heard Shikari cry, then scream.

"Hidan's back?" The two Akatsuki members looked to each other and then went to find the roughly sewn male. "What happened to you?"

"Blown up and buried." He replied with a blissful sigh, nuzzling his daughter. "Shh, daddy's home and daddy's just fine sweetie."

He scooped her into her arms and soon Moku came over, begging to be picked up. Though he was weak, he had no objections to carrying his babies again. He was led up the stairs by Atari and into his bedroom. They were at Kakuzu's old home in the hidden Taki caves. On the old bed, Kakuzu was laying, staring at the ceiling and looking as though he wanted the ceiling to end his suffering. Hidan limped over, placing the twins on the bed. Kakuzu's eyes did no shift to the newcomer.

"Still no luck finding him, Atari?"

"Kakuzu, it's me you dumbass."

"Hidan?" His eyes widened slightly and darted to Hidan's face. "Thank Jashin you're alright." He smiled weakly.

"That's my line." He replied, kissing him lovingly. "What are you doing in bed anyways?"

"Daddy... Father can't walk." Shikari sniffled.

* * *

Hah! After all this time I leave you this cliffhanger... Tell me... How much do you hate me~?

So yeah. I suppose you'll be wanting explanations and such in the next chapter... (boring.)

Also, finally got a title for this MPreg. I was shocked there were no MadaZet MPregs on here... nor really anywhere for that matter. So you all can guess my next fanfiction idea.


	36. HalfAssed Remedy or Complete Cure?

"Daddy, when are Ha-chan's parents coming to live with us?"

"It shouldn't be too much longer, Shikari." Hidan sighed tiredly, holding her in his arms on her bed.

"Deidara said that he had a hard time getting away from that one guy though..." The little girl frowned, mumbling into Hidan's neck.

"So you're worried about Itachi?" Hidan blinked.

"A little. I don't want him to turn out like father..." Shikari whimpered. "Ha-chan would hate that."

"Itachi will be just fine. Wait and see." Hidan replied, kissing his daughter's forehead. "Now sleep."

Shikari let out a yawn and nodded, snuggling closer to him. After a few minutes she was fast asleep. Hidan carefully left his daughter's arms and glanced over at Moku's empty bed. He left the children's bedroom and went down to the kitchen. Suki was having a midnight snack with Deidara and looked up when Hidan greeted them.

"Phox arrived while you were putting Shika-chan to sleep, Hidan-sama." Suki informed his fellow Jashinist.

"Thanks." He sighed and sat with his friends. "But I'm not going to get my hopes up."

"We'll find someone that can help Kakuzu, Hidan. Atari's been searching and even Zetsu's been helping." Suki attempted to cheer Hidan up.

"It's not enough, damnit!" Hidan slammed his fist on the table.

"Calm down Hidan, hm." Deidara frowned, cleaning up his spilled drink. "Now go see Kakuzu."

Hidan grumbled under his breath and got up, trudging back up the stairs. He passed his twins' room and arrived outside the master bedroom. The door was left ajar slightly and Hidan stayed out of sight, listening. He heard Phox's voice and then his lover's pained voice.

"I'm afraid your paralysis might be as permanent as Moku's mutism." She said quietly, glancing at the mute male laying on his father's legs.

"There has to be some way of making it easier though." Kakuzu murmured. "Like sign or written language for Moku..."

"If you would like I will shift our research to remedy the symptoms rather than a cure for the paralysis. Things are much harder now that Kabuto has gone insane." Phox said.

"Yes..." Kakuzu murmured. "It's better than nothing."

"You probably won't get to engage in sexual activities though..." She murmured softly.

"... I want to take care of my family..." was his only answer.

"Very well. I will inform the others of your decision."

Phox left the room while Hidan slid inside, unnoticed. Kakuzu's eyes were closed when Hidan reached his bedside. He grabbed the nearby wet rag and began to run it along Kakuzu's face. Thanks to Suki, he looked just as he had before his cells had been torn apart by the Konoha Jinchuuriki's attack. Hidan's sigh seemed to wake his husband.

"Hidan..."

"Oh. Hey Kuzu. Feeling any better?" Hidan feigned a smile.

"What do you think?" He returned sarcastically. "How is Shikari? She didn't visit me today..." He seemed sad and Hidan sighed, sitting on the bed next to his husband and son.

"She's fine. Fast asleep." Hidan leaned over to lay his body on Kakuzu's. "She's worried about Hametsuki though."

"I don't see why." Kakuzu huffed. "The Uchiha is pretty damn strong."

"Yeah..." An awkward silence passed between the pair.

"You are bothered by something?" The injured male finally inquired.

"Of course I am. I'm horny as shit." Hidan pouted, making his lie seem believable.

"Sorry. You could try masturbating." The elder gave a pained smirk.

"Ick. Not that desperate." Hidan nuzzled his face with his lover's. "Why are you so intent on being able to move again rather than waiting for a complete cure?"

"So you heard that, huh?" He sighed, wishing he could put his arms around his smaller husband.

"Answer me..."

"I don't like feeling useless, that's all." Kakuzu sighed.

"Well you'll be useless to me if you can't get it up." Hidan grumbled.

"Please tell me that was a sick joke." Kakuzu's mouth twitched.

"A little." Hidan put their foreheads together.

"Hidan-sama!" Atari's sudden entrance startled Hidan and woke Moku.

"What?" The immortal snapped.

"I've found a lead!" The bounty hunter explained hurriedly, "There's a supurb medicine woman living in some nearby mountains."

"Where?" Hidan straightened his back, determination in his eyes.

"I have a map and I have Sasori packing some supplies." Atari replied.

Hidan left Kakuzu's side and followed Atari down to the kitchen. Deidara sent Hidan a smile on his way to his bedroom and left his own lover with a kiss. Sasori did indeed have a napsack slung over his back and another sat on the table. Suki was putting some food in the napsack last minute.

"I'll stay here with Deidara and Kakuzu-sama to take care of the kids." Suki stated.

Hidan gave a nod then donned the last napsack. Sasori grumbled under his breath as they followed Atari out of the house and then took a new tunnel out of the caves. Atari explained to them what it was he had discovered before they reached the edge of a wooded area at the base of the mountain.

"Apparently this woman's son is extremely violent so no one has visited since he killed a bunch of innocent people." Atari informed the former Akatsuki members. "Rumor is that any travelers they find at night get butchered."

"Whoa, whoa. Wait... This sounds like the bedtime stories Granny Chiyo would tell me." Sasori stopped walking.

"Probably based off the story my mum told me." Atari blushed slightly, "See, it was the only thing I had left to go on so I went to investigate the story further. Turns out a medicine woman really does live on the mountain by my home village."

"At this point, I'd follow any lead." Hidan stated, walking on.

Sasori frowned and dragged his feet after the two Jashinists. By nightfall they had reached an old, run down village. Atari once more took the lead, entering a small supply shop in the center of the village. It was dark inside but to that he paid no heed, revealing a stairway in the back. He made his way slowly down the stairs and into a dimly lit living room. An old woman sat at a kitchen table, fast asleep.

"Mum." Atari shook the woman, rousing her from slumber, "I am back with my friends."

"Oh..? Oh! Right... I made dinner." It was at that point that Sasori let out a shocked exclamation.

"Your stove is on fire!"

"Gah! Not again..." Atari jumped, grabbing a nearby fire extinguisher. "I keep telling you not to cook without Suki or,myself present!" He snapped once the fire was out.

"I wanted to surprise you." She apologized then snapped back, "But you and Suki are hardly ever here these days!"

"That's because we have more important things to do than cook for a woman that should have died years ago." Atari grumbled.

"Like what?" She huffed.

"Helping my friend care for his family until he's able to move again." He answered, looking at Hidan.

"Oh." The woman sighed and got up. "The house is all yours. If you need me, I will be sleeping."

"Thanks mum." Atari smiled then groaned as soon as she was gone. "We'll leave first thing tomorrow."

~Meanwhile~

"Got any twos?" A dull voice inquired.

"Go fish." An equally dull voice sounded.

"Got any threes?" The short haired blond asked.

"Go fish." The long haired blond replied.

"Got any twos?" Suki smirked.

"God damn you!" Deidara shouted, throwing the card at him.

BOOM!

"Deidara!" Kakuzu's voice sounded from upstairs.

"Damn. I miss when I could blame that on Atari, hm."

* * *

Lol. Sorry for the delay. As you all may or may not know, I have lost everything I needed to write this story. I lost the timelines, my research, and my plot... Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this update and I apologize for the long wait after that horrifying cliffhanger.


	37. Meet the Medicine Man

"How much farther?" Sasori grumbled, readjusting the supplies they brought to the mountains.

"Mum says she lives by the secret spring." Atari replied.

"Secret spring?" Hidan stopped to turn to his guide.

"Yeah... I've only been there once while gathering herbs for mum." Atari explained, "I'm the second person to come back alive though, after my mom."

"I take it that's unusual." Sasori grumbled.

"Highly." Atari smirked, taking the lead once more.

The trio continued on, going through thick underbrush and dense forest until Atari spied a stream. He pointed it out and then began to follow it upstream. Hidan raced ahead a few times, eager to finish the mission and get back to his family. Sasori just wanted to go home and sleep the day away—until his twins try to blow him or something else up. As the sun started to sink, Atari's pace slowed. The forest became far less comforting in the dark and so the group traveled closer to one another.

"The spring isn't too far now..." The dirty blond whispered, eyes trained on the widening stream.

"About fucking time." Hidan growled.

Sasori agreed. They arrived at an overgrown clearing by the time the moon was high in the sky, illuminating the spring in the center of the field. Flowers decorated the terrain, painting it red and white. Once they reached the edge of the water, Atari announced that they would camp out. They pulled out their gear and set up, eating some dried meat from Atari's family store. The blond waited for the former Akatsuki members to sleep before getting up, pulling off his shirt and pants. He dove gracefully into the spring, swimming all the way to the bottom.

Once there, he moved some of the rocks around, searching. He felt something metallic and tugged as hard as he could. A trap door opened and he smirked, swimming inside the tunnel. Above water's surface, Hidan was tossing and turning, thoughts of his last night with Kakuzu. Before he could get far into the dream, it turned into a bloody nightmare. He sat up abruptly, startling Sasori awake. The redhead was sleeping practically on top of him. They exchanged a glare and then looked around, realizing they were a man short.

"Where the hell did Atari go?" Sasori huffed.

"Probably taking a piss somewhere." Hidan shrugged.

"But aren't those his clothes by that rock?" The puppet master pointed to black pants and a green shirt that had been on Atari.

"He couldn't be in the spring, could he...?" Hidan blinked, staring into the water.

"I don't see him." Sasori replied.

"See who?" An elderly man's voice spoke up from behind.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I am the man who protects this spring. You're trespassing."

"Look man, we're looking for a woman that can heal any injury." Hidan drawled.

"My mother died years ago, kid." The man cackled, starting to cough.

"Y-You're Nikuya?" Sasori spluttered.

"Yes I am." The man grinned, revealing gums and nothing but. "Now then, what are you still doing here?"

"Now we're waiting for our friend to get back so I can kick his ass." Hidan grumbled moodily, disappointed to find that their mission had led them no where.

"There are three of you then?" Nikuya looked around.

"Hidan!" Atari's voice sounded from the center of the spring. "Sasori!"

"Atari, that bitch we're looking for is dead." The Jashinist snapped.

"I know." He replied.

"Hey there son." The old man waved.

"My dad is the next best thing..."

"Your what?"

Once Atari pulled himself from the spring water, he explained everything to his friends. About how his grandmother raised a murderer in the woods and his mother was a victim that was healed. Ten years after he was born, he was reunited with his father and almost killed. Once the old woman informed him that it was his son, Nikuya pulled a complete 180, devoting his life to becoming a medicine man.

"Where were you?" Hidan finally managed to ask. "In the spring?"

"I was in an old tunnel where our best herbs grow." Atari held up a wet bag. "These should be enough..."

"I think so." Nikuya nodded, "I got the other necessary herbs in my bag. Ready to leave when you are, I suppose. Nothing else left here for me." He sighed.

"Well mum's still living in the village..." Atari murmured. "But you're right, you have to come with us."

–

"Are you dead yet?"

"No."

"Are you dead yet?"

"No."

"Are you dead yet?"

"NO! Leave me the fuck alone, Aoi!" Kakuzu snapped.

"I'm Akane!" The strawberry blonde pouted.

"Deidara!" Kakuzu shouted. "Your daughter is pissing me off."

"Sorry..." The artist sighed, entering the room to remove his daughter from Kakuzu's chest. "Danna usually helps and Suki's busy trying to entertain the other twins and Ha-chan."

"Could you just lock me in here? The key is on the dresser." Green eyes pointed out the silver key hanging on an ornament of the dresser.

"Sure..." He replied, grabbing the key before leaving with his daughter.

Downstairs, Suki was nodding off, holding Moku and Shikari on his lap. Hametsuki sat between his legs on the floor, facing Aoi as she read a book out loud. Shikari seemed well entertained and Deidara smiled, letting Akane join her twin. When the door opened half an hour later, everyone was wide awake and on their feet. However it was only Phox.

"Are the others back yet?" She inquired.

"Not yet..." Suki murmured.

"Well, I'm going to take a look at Kakuzu. If we wait any longer, all hope could be lost." She headed upstairs without waiting for a response.

"You lock the door?" Suki turned to Deidara whom nodded. "Good. Atari said they'd all be back by tonight."

"Let's hope so..." He sighed, turning off the stove.

–

Later that night, Hidan and the others did indeed arrive. Phox answered the door, frowning deeply. Sasori brushed past her, looking around for his family. He disappeared inside his bedroom and Atari stepped inside with Hidan and his father. Phox eyed the man warily.

"This is my father. He's an excellent medicine man." Atari said, voice like silk.

"We'll see about that... I'll be back in five months... Itachi should be here sooner if all goes well." Phox replied before leaving.

"Okay then. Who's the patient?" Nikuya clapped his hands.

"He's upstairs." Hidan then led them upstairs.

* * *

God. I bet the suspense is killing you guys. I'm aiming to end this on the 40th chapter. Sorry for the delay. This chapter was finished quite some time ago. I didn't realize it was ready though until I got off my writer's block and returned to my unfinished fics on here. Sorry.


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